Manifesto:
Several Scenes from the Past That Shaped the Present
Introduction
Fig. 1: The caterpillar from the Disney adaptation of Alice.
Before
I came to college, I had a romantic notion of what college would be like. For me, college was going to be the one
time in my life where I could truly obtain freedom and happiness, where
everything would fall into place, and where I could be whoever I wanted.
However, in the words of Dickens, ÒIt was the best of times, it was the worst
of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the
epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light,
it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of
despairÉÓ[1] Nothing could be more poignant.
Whereas I envisioned nothing but the best of times, I ended up getting a mixed
bag. Through the past few years I have realized more about myself, have grown
more both intellectually and socially, and have experienced changes and
challenges I couldnÕt have imagined before I came to the University of Texas.
My journey has taken some
strange twists, and I have encountered strange characters along the way –
many of whom parallel those in Victorian literature. But it all leads to an
answer to one integral question: ÒÕWho are you?Õ said the Caterpillar.Ó[2] Much
like the shy and off-put Alice I could only answer as she did, ÒI—I
hardly know, Sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have
been changed several times since then.Ó[3]
This accurately summarizes how I feel at present: I may have known who I was
before I came to the University of Texas, but as Alice was then, I am still now
in the process of finding out who I am. What follows are three chapters
describing snapshots of my college experience that have shaped who I am now.
Nausea
Fig. 2: Homeless, worse off than I was.
I woke up in an unfamiliar room with my face pressed against a
cold tile floor and a faint smell of beer still lingering on my breath. I felt
like vomiting, but at this point in my life I had never vomited after drinking.
Something else had to be making me nauseous. I lifted my face from the floor
and wiped the drool from my cheek as I watched the condensation my face left on
the floor evaporate into the crisp morning air. I looked out the window. This
wasnÕt right. It was mid-October of 2005, and my college experience at the
University of Texas had begun on a foul note – just like high school did,
and just like middle school did. There were two problems with that morning.
First, I was miles from campus in a dorm room at St. EdwardÕs University; and
second, I had nowhere else to go. A few days ago I had packed all my belongings
and fled my dorm room on campus. My roommate, who has since been expelled from
the university numerous times, had taken his cocaine-induced violent rage out
on me for the last time. So, here I was at the start of what was supposed to be
a new beginning, and it seemed like it was already ruined. I was quite
literally homeless.
Fig. 3: The seal of the University of Texas.
My entire life and everything I called my own was crammed
bumper-to-bumper in my car. It was a sobering thought to realize how little I
actually had at that moment – not just physically, but intellectually. I
drove to campus for the next few weeks from wherever it happened to be that I
crashed the night before. As I walked out of the Trinity garage every morning
the fist thing I saw was a giant metallic image of the seal of the University
of Texas. I had taken four years of Latin in middle school, so I shouldÕve
known what it had said on it. But as one can see from glancing at an image of
the seal, the motto displayed reads ÒDisciplina Praesidium Civitatis.Ó
Like all
great paradoxes of education, I was amused to learn that Mirabeau B. Lamar
originally authored the quote in English: ÒCultivated mind is the guardian
genius of democracy.Ó[4] This
motto helped answer one of the lingering questions I had when I came to the
University of Texas. I wondered endlessly what my purpose was at the university
and what effect it had on me. I wondered whether I needed an education, or if I
could simply contribute to society based on what I had already acquired through
the years. It took a levelheaded approach previously unbeknownst to me to
realize that my mind to this point hadnÕt been cultivated. Though I had been at
a particularly low point and had nowhere to go or no one to turn to, I found
solace in the pursuit of scholarly knowledge. As John Henry Newman says,
ÒKnowledge is capable of being its own end. Such is the constitution of the
human mind, that any kind of knowledge, if it be really such, is its own
reward.Ó[5] For me knowledge of this concept
alone is certainly capable of being its own end. I may have been at a
crossroads when I first arrived at college but I quickly realized that
persistence in the pursuit of knowledge would result in a cultivated mind. With
persistence, many of the original problems that plagued me my first semester
quickly disappeared. I found a place to live, and I subsequently found a place
in the classroom. It remains my hope that I will walk out of college with a
cultivated mind that will allow me to more actively contribute to the
betterment of society, as an intellectual.
The Cheshire Cat
During my first
winter at college I had a rather unique encounter with a homeless man that
changed the way I thought about who I am. I truly believe that a chance
encounter with an eccentric can change oneÕs entire outlook on life itself. One
winter night I was walking down 21st Street with a group of my
friends and a homeless man approached us. He was seemingly in his forties and
was rather large and had the mannerisms of a slightly insane eccentric.
Frightened by the thought of a homeless man, the people I was with ran away.
However, I could tell that this man wasnÕt looking for a handout since he had a
bag full of books. I engaged the man and asked him how his evening was going.
He looked at me and said that in three years I would meet him again and only
then would I know the secret to happiness. It hasnÕt quite been three years
since that evening, but I can already tell that whether this man knew what he
was talking about or not, the proverbial Ònext three yearsÓ were going to shape
who I was to become in a huge way.
Fig. 4: The Cheshire Cat from DisneyÕs adaptation of Alice.
Like Alice, who had undergone many changes throughout her
journey, I was having an encounter with a man who closely resembled the
Cheshire Cat.
I donÕt know whether or not he was
good-natured, or whether he was leading me astray. The conversation I had with
him was very much like the one between Alice and the Cheshire Cat in AliceÕs
Adventures in Wonderland: ÒÕWould you tell me please, which way I ought to
go from here?ÕÓ[6] I read those words in
the novel as if I had said them myself. ÒÕThat depends a good deal on where you
want to get to,Õ said the cat. ÔI donÕt care much where—Ô said Alice.
ÔThen it doesnÕt matter which way you go,Õ said the cat.Ó[7]
The man had given me similar advice along those lines. The subjectivity of my
pilgrimage was more than I knew at the time. At that point I didnÕt know which
direction I was going to travel in. I had no idea of where the road of my
pilgrimage led to. It was over the course of the next year that I found out
where I wanted to be, but it was after that night that I decided to start
looking.
A Well-Rounded Two-Minded Individual
Fig. 5: An image of the stereotypical right brain versus
the left brain, with a number of bridges in between.
The first part of my college experience was rough around the
edges, and the Cheshire Cat convinced me to smooth it out. The pilgrimage, for
me at least, is realized with the application of the mind to the quest for
knowledge. This didnÕt happen until late last year when many personal
experiences caused me to rethink who I am as a whole. I was fortunate enough to
take a class where one of the main themes was focused on the unique
characteristics of the right brain versus the left brain.
I discovered that in order to be a cultivated
mind capable of acquiring and using the knowledge required to be one of the
guardians of democracy I needed to apply both my right and left brains equally
in my everyday life. I found that a poem by Rudyard Kipling best describes the
importance of this balance:
ÒI would go without short or shoe,
Friend, tobacco or bread,
Sooner than lose for a minute the two
Separate side of my head!Ó[8]
Kipling best illustrates the need for both sides of the brain to live in union by emphasizing both the mutual exclusivity but also the impossibility of life without either one. I realized at the point in time that I took the class how important it was to my quest for intellectualism to utilize both sides of my brain.
Conclusion
Since I came to
the University of Texas almost three years ago there have been many things that
have shaped my growth as an individual. These three stories have only been
examples that closely parallel the literature discussed in this course,
however, they have been integral to my journey on the quest to find who I
really am inside. The slogan on the University of Texas tower states, ÒYe shall
know the truth and the truth shall make you free.Ó[9]
Perhaps the truth in searching is not
having found what I was looking for originally. Perhaps the truth that I seek
is something entirely new and unknown to me. Perhaps the truth IÕve been
searching for has already been found. Regardless, only time will tell whether
or not I have completed my pilgrimage and whether or not I can live my life within
the principles set forth by the various Victorian examples that have influenced
my college experience so greatly.
Fig. 6: ÒYe Shall Know the Truth and the Truth Shall
Make You Free.Ó
Word Count: 1756
Quote Word Count: 218
Real Word Count: 1538
Image sources:
Fig. 1: http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/alicepic/disney-movie/caterpillar-3.jpg
Fig. 2: http://www.solarnavigator.net/images/poverty_homeless_french_man_shopping_trolley.jpg
Fig. 3: http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/~bump/FS3012/schedule.html
Fig. 4: http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/alicepic/disney-movie/cheshire-cat-5.jpg
Fig. 5: http://nowsourcing.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/left-brain-right-brain.jpg
Fig. 6: http://www.vertive.com/images/photos/tower.jpg