Volume 1, Number 1
<2> Here the author uses the textual commentary to discuss the picture, noting bright colors, and curves, the picture's suggested connection to atmosphere and feeling.
<3> The sample shows the potential for mixing textual commentary with visual image; unfortunately some of that potential remains, in this sample, undeveloped. The commentary discusses the picture in detail, pointing out themes in the color or shapes, and suggesting its departure from realism and its sense of softness.
<4> However, the commentary could go further. The departure from tradition mentioned here is a major thread with several other connections in the presentation. These relationships could be reiterated and clarified in the commentary, along with any other pertinent themes. The passage details well the picture, but if the author connects this detail with relevant points or the main claims of the research project, the presentation will be stronger.
<5> Finally, the passage's sentence level constructions should be noted. In terms of hypertextual presentation, the first sentence might be said to excel: The author introduces some specific context for the display--Matisse--and begins discussing the picture's details. On the other hand, we can't know whether Matisse painted the woman and everything else in the room with bright colors or whether he painted the woman with bright colors and everything else. What else? Kitchen sink. Pine Sol. Barbasol. ;-)
<6> A problem paralleling the pitfalls of hypertextual false sense of presentation might be a more peripheral focus on sentence level mechanics and style. Texts written as part of a hypertextual composition can be less carefully edited than traditional texts. Some of the problems can be addressed with the development of better hypertextual composition programs, spelling errors, say, but perhaps underlying any shift are the additional media which lessen focus on the text.
<7> If this is the case at least two responses are in order. One will call for more concentration on the language used in hypertextual compositions. Sentences. Paragraphs. Words. Good call. Another response will immediately begin interrogating the shift away from the purely verbal and come to terms with the inclusion of new media into compositions and begin evaluating our priorities in terms of that transition. Another good call.
Select one of the other student samples, move on to the conclusion, return
to not maimed but malted, or return to discussion of Bolter.
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