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My responses to Project 1&2Project One Responses: To
Chris Robersonís website: I
think your website is very pretty. I
also love the beach, but have never had the chance to go to any type of beach
that you described. I love to just
listen to the waves. Did you ever
have anyone tell you that if you held a seashell up to your ear that you would
hear the ocean? I would always do
that because I love to hear it. I
think what you wrote sounds very good. It
is insightful. I would like to know
how being near the ocean differs from you being anywhere else in nature.
This class really allows us to open up about nature.
We get to think about nature in a way we never really did before. To
Brooke Pattonís website: Wow.
I have always wanted go to Europe. I
had a friend that also went in June this past summer and he absolutely loved it.
There are so many places that I want to go.
Your website looks like it has great potential.
I think it is great that you kept journals while you were there.
I am sure when you look back on your time there it really helps you to
relive your experiences. I guess we
are supposed to be constructively criticizing each other.
I think that what you wrote is very beautifully written and I know that
these are journals from when you were there.
But you may want to add a little more, so we can understand more of how
you felt when you were there. To
Julie Lockís website: I
have never been around snow that actually stayed on the ground.
What a site to see. So you
didn't go skiing? Just hiking?
I have never been skiing either (obviously, since I haven't been around
snow). The description of your
"adventure" was quite elaborate, so we (the reader) could really
understand your experience. Right
now, all I suggest is to go through your essay several times just to pick out
the grammatical and spelling mistakes. I
am sure I need to do the same thing for mine. To
Karolina Malek: This
sounds like an exciting trip that you get to take every year.
I have never been skiing, so it is hard for me to apply your experiences
to my own life. But, it does sound
wonderful. I always hear good
things about skiing. Snow is
something else that I have never experienced.
I love how you went into detail about the snow.
You could talk more about the snow, so we could get a little more insight
to how it was for you. I also
suggest reading the essay out loud, so you can catch some of the grammatical
mistakes that are easy to breeze over when reading silently. To
Claudia Cope: I
think that your story is quite cute. I
think that it is already detailed enough, so you may not have to add more.
You do, however, need to go through your paper to change word usage and
grammar. You use
"suppose" instead of "supposed".
You might want to try a different word all together.
You also use "their" instead of "there" and
"here" instead of "hear" in some places.
At one point you used the word blueberries and I know you wanted to use
blackberries. Also make sure that
you are using "Mom and I" and "Mom and me" in the
appropriate places. Commas are
missing in some places, also. But,
again, I did like your story and it makes wish that my aunt and uncle still had
the farm, so I could get away. To
Brandy Reynolds: I
love how you are so excited about New Braunsfels.
It has been probably seven years since I've been there and I remember
loving it. Personally, I am not
sure I can follow your tense choice very well.
But if Prof. Bump liked the tense, he knows more than I do, so I would go
with him. I don't think I have much
of a recommendation on how to improve your paper.
You may want to add a little more on how your life with nature differs
with your normal life. To
Celeste Gonzalez: I
really like your paper, but I think that the introductory paragraph doesn't tie
in well with your first body paragraph. You
could probably work on that. I
really like the quote you used. You
may want to elaborate on that according to your nature experiences as a child.
I can really tell that God works in your life. To
Tat Wong: You
have written a cute story. The main thing I suggest is to go through your paper
and take a look at your English usage. You leave out words and use others
inappropriately. I suggest getting someone who has a better background in
English to read it aloud to you, so you can hear the mistakes. Sometimes it is
easy to skip over them when reading silently. To
Bridget Connolly: I
really enjoyed your story. I could never imagine being in Alaska, because I hate
the cold. I can't really recommend any improvements beyond that I do not think
you should use the statement "In this paper..." I don't think that is
a good transitional device. You may want to use something that is a bit
smoother, elegant, and brings your next statement to the rest of your paper
better. To
David Brown: I, personally, could never hunt. I find it hard to kill things. But I know plenty of people that do, so if you like to do it, more power to you. You really have a knack for poetry. It's hard to recommend how you can improve your work. Poetry really has no rules, so it's hard to say. Just keep up the good work.
My responses to Project Two To
Kristina Mann: Kristina,
your website is great! I love the
beach so much also. I feel the same
way about how relaxing it is and now i can just let my thoughts run without any
worries. I especially like the
section about your younger brother and his sand castle.
I love how the simplest and most minor things can be the greatest things
in the world to a child. Way to go! To
Jennifer Mann: Jennifer,
you essay was very good. It was
detailed and well-explained and thought out.
I enjoyed reading it and can think of little that can help you improve
it. I have never skied, but the
cold isn't my thing, so I think I will stick with the beach.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me and all of us. To
Chris Roberson: Chris,
I always enjoy reading what you have to write.
Your website looks awesome. I
was also looking at your link for you little company and that is awesome. I
am way impressed. Your photographs
are also quite impressive and really bring out what you have to say.
Way to go! To
Julie Lock: Julie,
your trip sounds amazing. You may
want to go a little more into detail about the beauty of the surroundings so
that those of us have never seen the tropics to experience it also.
I just want you to know that Hawaii is spelled with an a in it, not Hawii.
Also in this sentence "...my friend Ashley and I stay on the porch
to plan", it should be stayed instead of stay.
But your paper was very pretty. I
want to go there someday. To
Gerald Vorhees: Gerald,
what else can I say but wow? Your
poem is awesome. Poetry has always
been one of my weaker areas, but I can tell that yours is very good.
You can't criticize poetry, because poetry is whatever you want it to be.
You did an outstanding job. To
Brooke Patton: Brooke,
the addition to your website is outstanding.
You have definitely worked hard and done a good job.
I like how you incorporated the major theme of our class into your trip
to New York. I am sure that you had fun nonetheless.
Sometimes we need nature surrounding us, sometimes we don't.
Sort of like Almond Joy. haha.
Great work! To
David Brown: David,
I loved your essay. I miss my dog
so much, she is the sweetest thing in the world.
My dog also, "He speaks and even brushes his teeth, that is, if you
want to count eating toothpaste as brushing his teeth."
She likes to sit on top of the toilet and wait for me to give her a
little squirt of toothpaste (she is a miniature schnauzer)
When you said," will never leave me like my wife did" I was
surprised. You were married?
You are so young. Wow.
I did notice in this sentence: "All of these sections of nature work
as a unit a unit to make this world go round, not as separate entities,"
you repeat "a unit," you need to edit it one of those out.
I enjoyed your essay, it makes me all warm inside. To
Brandy Reynolds: Brandy,
since I have already read your project one, there is no need to comment on that.
But again, New Braunsfels is so fun as well as I can remember.
It HAS been a while. Your
website is coming along quite well and when you have more content, it will be
great. Way to go! To
Tat Wong: Tat,
thank you for sharing you knowledge of some of the sciences with us.
I can tell that you really enjoy it.
You may want to talk about how science has impacted you as a person, not
only impacted nature. And again, I
encourage you to read aloud or have someone that has a better background in
English and English grammar to go through your paper.
You have some improper word and tense usuage that needs to be taken care
of. Other than that, it's pretty
good. To
Celeste Gonzalez: Celeste,
I really enjoyed your collection of entries.
You really have thought deeply about some of the most meaningful subjects
in this life. I really loved the
story about your grandfather. It
was so sweet, and really illustrated how nature revolves around our lives.
I have not had my grandfather in the majority of my life, so it makes me
happy to hear others stories. Thank
you for sharing it with me. There
is not much more that you can improve on that you have already written.
Maybe you can enter another entry or add some quotes from some of the
reading we have covered this semester. To
Katie Akers: Katie,
I have never heard of Hamilton Pool. It
sounds wonderful. Your description
of the area and your newly found emotional ties with the area was detailed and
well thought out. I (as the reader)
can really feel how this area of Austin can touch our lives as well.
Eventually I think I want to make it out there.
Thanks for letting us know about this place (and don't worry, I won't
tell too many people..heh heh). Your
essay was genuine and I enjoyed reading it. To
Jenny Cannoles: Jenny,
your trip sounds amazing. I have
always wanted to got to Europe. But
my one question is: why did you not
tie any of it with nature? I know
that Europe has some amazing scenery. You
should share that with us. Also let
us into your mind a little more. How
did you fell emotionally throughout your trip?
One more thing; in your sentence where it says, "It took about her
about thirty minutes," you have an extra "about" in there you
need to delete. That's all I caught
grammatically. Oh you spelled
barely, barley. Other than that,
your experiences in Europe must have been priceless. To
Bridget Connolly: Bridget,
since we have already read your essay, I will just comment on your website.
You are off to a good start. You
may want to put your pictures into the essay instead of just the links.
Also, you may want to add more color, so the page is a little less drab.
Web Pages are also a new thing to make to me also, so I know where you
are coming from. To
Stephen Hanson: Stephen,
I really enjoyed reading your essay, it was humorous and easy to understand
where you were coming from. One of
the statements in your essay that I thought was really great was, "It
looked like a miniature kingdom where a fairy princess had decorated the halls
with dried roses and fake angel wings."
That is beautiful. I also
laughed out loud when you wrote, "but it was always in a forest where the
soil never managed to creep up into my unmentionables."
That was quite funny. I love
the beach and it is easy to get lost in the moment there.
You do convey some of your emotions, but maybe you want to add a little
more for us. Other than that, good
job! To
Noe Alvarado: Noe,
I see that even though you lived in a small town, you could still find things to
entertain you. I grew up in a big city and was bored most of the time. I really
didn't have much of a chance to go waling in the woods. I could never escape
civilization where I lived. Your story is enjoyable to read and though it
focuses on one specific topic (which is good don't get me wrong), you are still
able to keep your reader enthralled and interested in what you have to say. You
may want to add some of your emotions that coincide with you spending time with
your brothers and of the slower moments in time. To
Claudia Cope: Claudia,
I really enjoyed reading your story. I do agree that fishing is boring, but it
is activity that many people (mostly guy people) enjoy and do without thinking
twice about it. I have lots of guy friends at home that love to fish. I really
liked your insight about your special place in Hawaii. I think that you should
elaborate more on your trip there. Tell us more about your experiences there,
including your special place. I know that we would love to hear about it. Also I
think that casted should be cast. But I may be wrong. Check on that. To
Kristen Smith: Kristen,
I read your second entry when you first submitted; don't tell me why I am just
now commenting on it. I love dogs!! Especially puppies. My dog is almost eleven
years old and she still thinks she is puppy sometimes. But she is pretty lazy
most of the time. I really enjoyed reading about Buster (that is a way cute name
too!). Dogs are a wonderful source of love and entertainment for us humans. They
love unconditionally, which makes them all the much better (if that makes
sense). Thank you for sharing the love you have for Buster with us. I,
personally, find little that you can do to improve it at this point. To
Karolina Malek: Karolina,
your website is coming along beautifully. Your pictures are beautiful and
colorful. I can't wait to see your Colorado pictures. Your essay was really
good. So many people go to Colorado and since I have never been, I love to hear
personal stories about them. Thank you for sharing it with me. You could
probably add some quotes from out readings to add to your paper. Other than
that, great job! To
David Brownís pictures: David,
I love dogs! Yours is so cute and he looks like a sweetie too! To
Jenny Cannoles' new project: Jenny, I love the beach so much too!! You may want to add more emtions to it, so we can understand better your feelings. Also I found some grammatical errors you need to fix. In this sentence, "We go there and our beach house was huge," go needs to be got, but you could reword the sentence. In this sentence,"After we had swam for a while everyone else made their way to the beach," there needs to be a comma between while and everyone. In this sentence, "Once we got there we were ready to have fun," there needs to be a comma between there and we. In this sentence, "First we rented some jet skis and rode all over the ocean," there needs to be a comma after first". In this sentence, "All the dolphins scattered, all but one," you need a semicolon instead of a comma. In, "I love that noise," you may want to say sound instead of noise because noise carries a negative connotation. In, "I was so sad the leave," "the" needs to be "to." I'm sorry that's so nit-picky, but I thought that it would keep you from having to do it yourself, and we tend to skip over our own errors. Other than, good job!
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