That first summer, when I am six almost seven, my parents and I drive in from Houston.

You change tenses from your first paragraph into your second. I don't know if that was a mistake or if you meant to tell the story as if you were six again. If that's the case, then tell the reader that you're six again. For example, I am six again, visiting my grandparents house. My parents and I drive in from Houston. etc.

Suggestions to add a page or more:
You spend a lot of time talking about what's going on and what you see. Talk more about how you feel emotionally about these things that are going on and what you see

This country was where my ancestry began and my general interest in Eastern culture heightened the experiences I had there. 

Your missing a comma. between began & and. These are two different clauses, so you need a comma to separate them.

Very cool paper. I liked reading about Korea and how different it was from American culture.

To add more... in the middle of the paragraph about the min suk chun you get pretty descriptive. Put in more of that about the city. Also, was there any difference in transportation? You could include how you got around, if it is different and interesting.

Mistake (it's REALLY small):
You need a period after (Meltzer).

You really make Gaudi's work come to life on the page with all your descriptions. I felt like I was there.

The only thing I would suggest is a link to a map of the park, if you have one. It was difficult to go through the park with your essay because I couldn't see it as a whole, big picture. (I hope this makes sense.) For example, as you talked about each structure, I could only picture that one structure. It was hard for me to see the whole park together...

It was really good, though.

"In the afternoon, we turned on the sprinklers to keep the tomatoes from dying of thirst. The water would fall in a gentle mist over the garden, and the sprinklers made a tss-tss-tss as they rotated."

Changed tenses from "turned on the sprinklers" to "the water would fall". To make it the same tense, change it to "the water fell".

Really liked your introduction about gardening. Descriptive language sent me there, as if I were walking in the grass and waking up at the crack of dawn.

Suggestion:
Maybe go more into detail about how you see the garden today vs. how you saw it as a child. For example, as a child, the garden was a major part of your life (or at least I get that from your essay), but today, now that you live away from home, how do you see it as part of your past?

No need for the comma. the second part isn't its own clause.

I really liked the introduction because it was so true to how our world is today - all technological and shit. sometimes i really hate it.

to add more... talk about your home in Austin - dorm or apartment or wherever.

I guess that is silly since my house is not huge, it is just nice sized.
This is a run-on/comma splice. It should read:
I guess that is silly since my house is not huge. It is just nice sized.

Places to add on:
Be more descriptive. When you're talking about driving on capitol Texas highway you can talk about how the houses overlook the lake, the rolling hills, driving along cliffs and the fact that you can see forever into the hill country from certain places. Go into more detail about Mt. Bonnell and Barton Creek. how is this beautiful? to a reader who has never been to Austin, this could be like ANYPLACE.

Change that sentence to "Once, when we were older," The middle part is too busy and cluttered and doesn't flow as well.

Your story is great! You did an awesome job of portraying your feelings and I like how you told how the Straw aged as you did. I can tell how special the Straw is to you and it makes me want to visit it, too!

To add more... your ending is REALLY strong in it's description. Put more of that descriptive detail in the beginning. Or add more stories about what you did up at the Straw.

Great job, though.

At times I wish I were on the field, actually taking part in the battle.

"were" should be "was".

Also, in some sentences you're using the passive voice (i think) a lot. I could be wrong, but there are more "active" ways to say the sentence. Here are a couple examples:

We would practice two hours after school everyday except for Friday, because that was game day.
CHANGE TO: We practiced two hours after school everyday except for Friday, because that was game day.

I would literally spend almost twelve hours a week to prepare for three hours of excitement on one night.
CHANGE TO: I literally spent almost twelve hours a week to prepare for three hours of excitement on one night.

You're paper was awesome. It made me feel like I was out there with you, marching in cleats and all. It gave me a different perspective of the game from being a spectator. Also, it brought back a lot of memories of when I played basketball and how intense that was for me.

Some places to add on:
Maybe compare what it's like in the stands to what it was like on the field. Do you still feel that rush of adrenaline? Do the sounds and feelings of a football game (the crowd, the sun, the intensity) carry over into the stadium, being crammed among thousands of other students? That could be interesting...

All around the fountain there were happy couples enjoying this enchanted place and its peaceful, pervasive aura.

You kind of change verb tenses in this sentence from the others. I suggest changing it to:
All around the fountain happy couples enjoyed this enchanted place and its peaceful, pervasive aura.

Awesome job. Really descriptive, and you drew a picture for me of a place I've always wanted to go. the fountain part was especially intriguing.

My father visited the pyramids two years ago and I asked him what it was like and he said, ...

This is too busy. Make it two sentences: Two years ago my father visited the pyramids. When I asked him what it was like he said, ...

In this sentence, you used me wrong. It should read, "...where Yogi (my hamster, see picture) and I live."

Areas you can go into more detail:
Why you feel that you're "opposite from where you come from."
How your apartment gives you a strong sense of place when it's so different from your home in Fort Worth.

You take a unique approach to the idea of sense of place. It's neat to think that our sense of place will change depending on our experiences there. I never thought about it changing.

 

need commas around too...
...so, too, is my memory.

cool way to do your paper!

to add more: i'd include more about his relations to others - on the boats, at the doctor's, on the streets, etc. I'd assume he wouldn't be afraid to ask for directions or guidance, seeing that he didn't have a clue where he was. OR, go into more detail about how the cities looked in the late 1800s.

there should be a comma after modern. "...opportunities to view stained glass in its ancient, as well as modern, environment."

to add to your paper -- perhaps explore why churches might have employed stained glass windows (ie: ideas of spirituality of "the light" and illuminating the darkness). Extend more on the idea you bring up on the second page: "...these beautiful stained glass windows must have issued to them an intense reverence for the glories of religion."

comma after place. "In this place, deer can be found..."

first, you should add a picture of the lakehouse itself... add to that visual sensation and all

to add more: go into more detail on your last paragraph. You start something that could be great... talking about what you do out there. For example, talk more about water skiing, swimming, boating, picnics, etc.

AWESOME PAPER!!! I really enjoyed reading it. I love how you framed your story with the phone call.
There's just something about remembering old times that is just so beautiful, and you portray this nostalgic feeling very well in this paper.

To Change: I guess that part of the reason that I was able to fit in with them
To: I guess part of the reason I was able to fit in with them...
the word "that" is not necessary.

To add on... i'm not sure. I guess it'd be cool to hear more stories about you and your friends... some of the "weekend rituals" and what not.

again... props to you.

should be: "despolbado," uninhabited,... just have comma in the wrong place.

To add more: I'd like to hear more about your own personal sense of place at Big Bend. You talk a lot about the fine qualities of the place, but not your own sense of place.

Great use of description, though. I've been, but it was neat to read about some of the places I've never explored. You painted the picture VERY well.

It is now entered in the Register of Historic Places as of 1971...
CHANGE TO: It was entered in the Register of Historic Places in 1971.

To add more: Talk about the PCL and UGL to give a better idea of the difference in libraries. As a student here, I know the difference, but if a non-UT student read this, they would want to see pictures of the PCL and UGL, or even descriptions, to better visualize that difference.

I did recall hearing some things about a famous staircase before, but I never thought <-- need a comma before but

To add on: at the end of your paper you start on the idea of this trip being a more personal experience. I would expand on that. Talk about your sense of place there and any personal changes that may have occured.

I like how you incorporate history, too. it's always very facinating to know the origin of something.

They are important in function, and their design can set the tone for the rest of the building. <--need a comma between function and and.

To add more: You talk a lot about doors of prominent buildings in austin. It'd be interesting to look at residential doors around austin as well. Like if you went into some of the older parts of austin, i'm sure you'd find some very unique doors. Or even in the richer areas of austin. places to consider: hyde park, west lake. One home you must check out: there's a CASTLE (literally) in a neighborhood between mopac and lamar on 24th street. Go west on 24th (turns into windsor rd). Go past lamar and turn right on harris rd. It's after the road curves up hill some, so go slowly, because it jumps out at you. Turn right and drive down the street about a quarter mile or so... not far. On your right you'll see the castle.

I have developed a newfound admiration for the state capitol, and it has become not only my place of employment, but my favorite building.

This sentence will work better as two sentences:
I have developed a newfound admiration for the state capitol. It has become not only my place of employment, but my favorite building as well.

To add more: Answer: how does it make you feel going to school in a city so focused on government and power? I notice you have an interest in law. You might expand on how going to a school where the government and the history of texas is very strong.

...I find security from those around me, and I find a spiritual connection to their music, their members, and to nature.

Comma splice -- ...I find security from those around me; I find a spiritual connectin to their music, their members, and to nature. (or use a period instead of a semi colon)

To improve your site: you definitely need to add music. It'd would help the viewer (me) understand the style of music much better. In fact, it'd be cool to have a list of a few of your favories and links to the words a a sound clip. maybe it'd give me some insight into why "music of the Assembly of Dust allows me to trust the process of my life unfolding."

Important to his designs were the visions of University of Texas architects prior to him.

This sentence is a bit confusing. Perhaps: The original visions of the University of Texas architects were important to his designs.

Great paper, and lots of good information. Showed that you obviously did your homework! It was hard for me to find something you can expand on, but I agree with some others that you can definitly say more about the inside of the building.

However, at the time many of these aspiring would-be artists were considered radical.

This sentence reads funny. Perhaps: "At the same time, however, many of these aspiring would-be artists..." The way "However" and "at the same time" just doesn't sound right to me for some reason.

To add more: It'd be interesting to know what your opinion is on modern art (in the same genre of landscape painting). How do you see modern art after learning more about Impressionistic and Pre-Raphaelite art?

Pretty...:) I really like Kinkade.
Anyway, the sentence:
"The main reason that this painting initially caught my eye was because it included a sunset, which is my favorite natural phenomenon to observe." It seems a bit too wordy.
Perhaps: "This painting initially caught my eye because of the sunset, which is my favorite natural phenomenon to observe."

And to add more, I don't know why this would be important at all, but it would seem interesting to compare his works to those of Impressionist or Pre-Raphaelite artists. Kinkade's paintings include a little bit of each (in terms of detail and illustrating light). Maybe you could even research Kinkade's "education" in painting.

"They were not tacky ABCs but the complete alphabets of different languages." You need a comma after ABCs and before but.

I especially liked your paper because you were so personable. It was like I was taking the journey with you :)

As for adding more... I'd expand more about how the tower is a centerpiece, especially for us as students and Austin as a "college town." You drop that parallel after your introduction, but it seems that the tower is a very important building on campus; a very big centerpiece.