Cristane Martin

E 320M

Dr. Bump

March 23, 2006

LR Midterm

From the moment I was old enough to think about a career, which was at age four during my Pre-K class’s “Career Day,” I immediately noticed the more outlandish you were with your future career prospect, the bigger the reaction from the adults. At age four I wanted to become a doctor. Of course, I didn’t think of all the years of school I would need, nor the massive amount of debt I’d accumulate – all I cared about were people’s reactions. I gained a bigger reaction the next year during my kindergarten class’s “Career Day” when I announced I would leave the medical field to pursue a career in law. All that mattered was the idea of the doctor, which wasn’t real and is a lot like Plato’s Forms. All people saw were the shadows, the non-existent career aspirations I had on the cave wall. Yet, if they just turned around or even if I turned around to view outside the cave, I would find something tangible out there – my truth.

Even now moments arise where I am once again looking at the cave wall instead of looking out into the world. However, the longer you spend in the cave, the more it hurts your eyes when you eventually look into the sunlight. I kept the notion of going to law school for the sake of impressing my relatives. I learned that appearances did indeed matter, especially when it came to choosing a college. Once I decided on UT, one of my aunts asked my grandmother why I didn’t apply to Harvard or Yale. I had to follow in the steps of my older cousin who not only gained acceptance to MIT, but received a full scholarship as well. Living up to my cousin’s legacy meant that I had some big shoes to fill. Even a couple of my high school classmates, who would soon attend Harvard for their undergraduate education, offered their condolences on my decision to attend a state school instead of going to the University of Chicago, which is where I was also accepted. So, in order to make up for that discrepancy, I engaged the family with a lengthy tale of my goals for the next ten years. This tale included attending Harvard’s Law School to study business law. Once I let those words slide out of my mouth, and they did with ease, immediately I gained the status I once held before I made the so-called blunder of attending UT. I faced the problem Ram Dass identifies in How Can I Help?; “[I saw] the problem of always having to be ‘somebody’” (155). It’s a hard habit to break since it is taught as such an early age.

“Frequently, in our efforts to remain secure and protect the integrity of the separate self, we give greater weight to one aspect of our identity over another. Though we may acknowledge, in the abstract, that we are simultaneously physical, emotional, moral, political, and spiritual beings, we seem to cling to one dimension of our identity at the expense of others” (153). For me, this was especially true for the many years of my life. It wasn’t until I came to UT that I realized I could be something more than one dimensional, something more than a future moneymaker. The University of Chicago is a very competitive school and, had I gone there, my focus would be more on grades rather than taking in and enjoying my education. The same situation would have arisen if I had attended an Ivy League school; the emphasis would be on grades rather than the actual learning process.

UT has changed the person I am. Before I arrived here I could have fit in perfectly with the elitists at any Ivy League school because my hunger for the perfect GPA was great and could only be satisfied with a perfect grades, no matter the cost. This is not to say that grades do not matter to me now. That would be absurd. However, I have come to appreciate learning rather than memorizing information to obtain an A in a class. Learning is a harder process than acquiring an A. If you make an A it doesn’t necessarily mean you have learned anything; and likewise, making a B doesn’t mean you failed to learn.

I do know people who pride themselves on straight A’s in college. In fact my roommate is one of them but he is the kind who retains nothing from his classes. He would rather take the easy way out and take only twelve hours each term so he can “focus” more on each class rather than taking on a challenge with fifteen or more hours like I do. He often belittles me because my GPA has a few dents in it, while his is mercilessly perfect; yet, I pride myself on the fact that I challenge myself now with harder classes. I do not drop a class if there is a lot of reading to do like my roommate does - I step up to the challenge. I do not change a class to pass/fail if there is a possibility of making a B, unlike my roommate who has done so on a couple of occasions. In real life you cannot change your status as easily as changing the status of a class.

“Each form we identify with, each role we attach to, is ultimately incomplete and transient. It can dissolve at any moment” (154). My roommate identifies me as “English major,” a nickname he frequently calls me. He views himself not as “government major” but as “future lawyer” and hence better than me. I, too, was like him even if I didn’t mean it wholeheartedly. A lawyer equals status no matter how many jokes or complaints there are about them. I will not always be an English major. I am more than that. Yet, to many people, like my roommate, that is all I am and all I will ever amount to, no matter my accomplishments. He wants to attend Harvard Law School because that will elevate his status in the law world. For a time, I thought that idea was true. Going to Harvard or any other Ivy League school does not mean you are any smarter than a graduate from a state university. How many times has President Bush humiliated himself, as a Yale graduate, in public?

I will graduate in December and for the first time in my life I have decided to travel in my own direction, not the one others have prescribed for me. I want to attend law school, but I am not in it for the money. I do not want to study corporate law; I want to study criminal law so I can be an activist and speak for those who have lost their voice. I have finally found my voice, and indirectly accomplished one of my goals for this course. I wanted to become a better writer, meaning I wanted to communicate my thoughts effectively. It is definitely something I will be forced to do as a lawyer, so I am getting practice now by writing and defending my ideas in class. There is not only importance in the written word, but the spoken word as well. I will rely heavily on both as a lawyer. Since my learning type is ENFP, I am able to “excel at topics that draw upon feelings, and thus are good at making contact with the audience” (150). This particular skill will help me as a litigator when appealing to a jury; but that is not the only skill I will have taken from this class. Time management is a huge goal that I have progressed toward. Deadlines are approaching for the LSAT and law school applications, and thanks to this class I have learned the importance of prioritizing and time management. It is a goal that is not fully accomplished, but is a work in progress, like a few other aspects of my life.

One aspect of my life that I treasure and seek in others is integrity. It may seem like a paradox that a future lawyer seeks integrity in those around her, but it is true. I also seek honesty, which goes hand-in-hand with integrity. As Voltaire said, “Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.” It is a rare commodity to find someone who is honest in our society today, just look at the numerous scandals televised daily. Lies led to the fall of Enron, for example. Lying is accepted in our society and is integrated in our daily activities. If you do not believe me, simply look at the advertising industry. I took a business ethics course with Dr. Charles Krecz and he noted that the deception found in advertising is spilling over into other institutions, hence, deception is much more acceptable now. It is a scary world to live in when lying becomes an accepted way of life. Once again Voltaire has a comment on the issue, stating: “Love truth, and pardon error.”

Lawyers often receive the stereotype of ruthless, soulless liars; however, I adhere to a strict moral and ethical code. This is what I seek in others as well. I am terrified at the thought that the majority of the lawyers I meet will fit the stereotype and idealists like me will be the minority. I have taken three different philosophy courses at UT with Dr. Krecz, which dealt with ethics either directly or indirectly, and they has shaped my current state of mind. I was the minority in my business ethics course because I was not a business major. Some of the business majors argued that there were no ethics in business, and considered it an oxymoron, but there are ethics in every aspect of life – even in law. I think it is far easier for people to forget morality in their daily practices because they can gain more if they do. One of the articles we looked at in Dr. Krecz’s class was “Is Business Bluffing Ethical?” by Albert Carr, and according to him business is like a game of poker. Therefore, lying and deception are part of the rules of the game. It shocked me that people believed ethics ceased to exist in the business world, a world they have studied during their collegiate career and would soon enter upon graduation. Needless to say I have noticed not only the lack of integrity and honesty outside the college bubble, but in it as well. This only makes me crave it more, because like saffron it is most precious.

I have fully realized the truths I seek in the world and in others, as well as in myself. The need to impress people still lingers, but is not prominent. I would rather let my actions define me rather than a numeric value. Perhaps I am naïve in thinking I can single-handedly change the world, but I think it’s far more respectable than ending up like people such as my roommate. I’m a firm believer of the saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” I attended UT for a reason and I have lived with my roommate for two years for a reason. What is that reason? I have not only turned my head from the cave wall to the sunlight at the entrance, but I have also emerged from the cave. I have learned to seek truth, instead of merely hiding behind lies.

Word Count: 1457 (original) + 458 (addition, quotes included) = 1925