In Search of the Final Frontier

I am learning that as I mature, change is inevitable, for it comes unsuspectingly. My understanding of change is that change involves a journey that will take me to different places in order for me to grow as a person. As a result, I am beginning to have a higher appreciation for the many places that make up my life instead of taking them for granted. As a writer, places have “a specific and particular setting for human experience and endeavor.”[1] Places have the ability to affect the way that I communicate my ideas because what I write is what I have personally experienced. Because I can only write what I know, writing this paper proves difficult. I am only on one leg of my journey, and I am still trying to find my true calling as a writer and as person. Therefore it is particularly tough to formulate goals and find truths when I do not know who I really am. In the picture above, I am describing my road map or, in other words, my pilgrimage. The places that I described were significant because they let me develop my own ideas and goals while allowing me to learn from my own mistakes. As I continue on my pilgrimage, I will use the goals that I have set for myself in order to help me find the simple truths that will set me free. The journey begins within myself, and it will come toward an inevitable end in which I struggle with death and memory.

Truth, by definition, is “a point of true belief, a true doctrine, [or] a fixed or established principle.”[2] My definition of truth is that it is a moral principle that I will eventually learn by living life. With each discovered truth, I will form my own set of beliefs to live by instead of relying on the tried and true life lessons. One of the truths that I hope to find, on my pilgrimage, is how to be myself without hiding any aspects of me. Over the years, I have denied my true self “because [I am] in the habit of defining [myself] narrowly and defensively.”[3] Like the people described by Ron Dass and Paul Gorman in How Can I Help?, I find it extremely difficult to leave the confines of my niche. There is a sense of comfort within the niche because it protects me. Without it, I feel lost and vulnerable to criticism from others. Even in the midst of a changing society, my friends and family manage to keep me within the confines of that place; expecting me never to change. Despite a sense of familiarity, I wish to find myself outside my comfort zone. I believe that I can offer more of myself than what I project everyday. Another truth that I want to find is the ability to think for myself without any input from my family or friends. To be the youngest in a family in which the children are separated by decades instead of individual years is extremely difficult, for everyone, from my parents to my siblings, seems to have their own opinion on how to deal life in general. Finding a way to think for myself will enable me to experience life in all its glory rather than living vicariously through my siblings. Although I seek truths along my pilgrimage, I discovered one truth. The truth is my realization that my high standards are unrealistic. Through experience, my own high standards only hurt me because I am a perfectionist. Perfectionism is “a double edged sword – it cuts both ways.”[4] My perfectionism drove me to set impractical goals for myself and others. I learned that if I desired less, the outcome would surprise me. Though it is an ordinary discovery, it has taught me how to be patient with others and with myself because there simply is no such thing as perfection. These truths are but stepping stones to an ultimate desire.

The desire to be remembered, I find, lurks in the back of my mind. To me, death is a test of the impact that I have made on people. Establishing a lasting legacy is a daunting task in it itself. It requires an act of greatness that not only influences the current generation, but the generations that follow. Though I may never have such an effect on people, I hope that people will carry a little bit of me along with them. The bits and pieces that I want to be remembered for are what I try to do everyday. A part of me that I want my friends and family to take along with them is how to see the good in people. I like to see the best in people before they prove me wrong; however, my friends and family tend to judge people by their appearance or heritage. Though most people are not good at heart, I know that not all the people, who appear wicked, intend to do evil. I believe that we are all victims of circumstance in which different hardships and experiences affect the way we appear to one another. To understand that people can come from the same background, yet still be different is a difficult idea to grasp because we live in a society where everything is black or white; right or wrong. There is no in between. To find the good in people is a valuable lesson for my family and friends because they will be able to understand different kinds of people. Having that part of me live on from one person to the next will be a great accomplishment for me.

To aid me on my pilgrimage, I have set goals for myself that will guide me to my truths. My goals are simple, yet they are essential in strengthening my skills as a writer and in building my character. The goals will improve my writing skills, help me gain confidence in myself and in my writing, appreciate new things such as my surroundings, and learn how to listen. I have struggled to achieve these goals since choosing to major in English, for they are an integral part of my life. To improve my writing skills, I will need to learn how to write coherently and concisely. Coherency and conciseness are important tools for a writer, and without them, a writer loses his or her means to connect with the reader. Another goal of mine is to bolster my confidence. With a confidence boost, I will be able to write my ideas fluidly instead of mistrusting my instincts as a writer. Moreover, it will allow me to integrate my own personal outlook when I write and when I interact with people. My next goal is to see new things that are within my surroundings. I now appreciate more of what Austin has to offer. Austin, with its rolling green hills, has a landscape that starkly contrasts with the flat plains of the Texas Panhandle. Their contrast allows me to view the landscape and architecture in a new way. The newest goal on my list is learning how to listen. My listening skills have gradually worsened because of the immense workload in college. Improvements in my listening skills will make me a better friend and student. Once I have accomplished these goals, I will emerge as a new person and a better writer. By themselves, my goals can only help me with so much. In order to continue on my pilgrimage, I need to seek strength from within me.

To many people, a scallop shell “symbolizes the many European starting points from which medieval pilgrims began their journey,”[5] and the shells are their guides along their pilgrimage. With the guidance of the shells, I hope that I will find a way to separate myself from my internal shell. Besides the fact that my other siblings attended the University of Texas, I wanted to attend UT for my own reasons. I wanted it to be the first leg of my pilgrimage, and I believed that UT would help me break me through my shell. Most people do not know that I have a shell that I hide within because it is always there. It is the keeper of my true self. This hardened exterior became evident when I took Jung’s typology test. The test exposed my most personal qualities, which were introversion, sensing, feeling, and judging. The results of the test surprised me because the test knew the intricacies of my personality. Most of the traits when compared to a writing style rang true. For instance, my introverted nature demonstrates my tendency to shun the spotlight and my need for structure in my assignments. The sensing side of my personality “prefer[s] explicit detailed and specific directions,”[6] because I thrive on knowing what to do and how to do an assignment. Likewise, judging and feeling reflect my style whenever I choose to “limit [my] topics very quickly”[7] and pick “topics that [I] can care about.”[8] Each example of introversion, judging, feeling, and sensing demonstrates the impact of my personality on my writing style because they give a glimpse of my true self. Pieces of my personality appear within the context of the words and sentences that I choose to use in my writing. UT, being so far away from the Panhandle, helped me shed some my inhibitions that I carefully cultivated in high school. The college experience, I believe, will slowly nick away the exterior that I keep up to protect myself. While on my journey, I seek my own scallop shells to guide me toward my goals, which in turn, will lead me to the truths that will set me free.

With the experience of the pilgrimage, I will gain knowledge that will help me as a writer. Great writers, I believe, translate their ideas eloquently into words so that all kinds of people can understand their viewpoint. With the discovery of my new self, I will be able to show my true colors because I “can stop and face what’s right before [me]. [I] can look at what is”[9] instead of living behind a shell. I hope there will be more stops along the way because Austin, to me, is just another stop on the road map of life. Within me, there are still frontiers that I have yet to explore.

(1,630 words excluding quotes; 385 newly added words)

Index of Pictures

Picture 1:

Road Map Presentation. http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/%7Ebump/E320M4/pics/maps/Sarah.jpg

Picture 2:

Behind the Mustangs.

http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/~bump/E320M4/

Picture 3:

Zilker Park.

http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/%7Ebump/E320M4/pics/garden/Sarah.jpg

Picture 4:

On the roof of the McCombs School of Business

http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/%7Ebump/E320M4/pics/towerkicksm.jpg

Picture 5:

State Capitol

http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/~bump/E320M4/

Picture 6:

Waller Creek.

http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/%7Ebump/E320M4/pics/Waller/SarahYobel.jpg.

Picture 7:

Texas Exes Building.

http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/%7Ebump/E320M4/pics/Dobie/Studentgirls.jpg.

---

[1] Barry Lopez, “The Literature of Place,” U.S. Society & Values, USIA Electronic Journals, vol. 1, no. 10 (1996): 271.

[2] "truth, n.²" The Oxford English Dictionary. 2nd ed. 1989. OED Online. Oxford University Press. 17 Apr. 2006 <http://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50259150?query_type=word&queryword=truth&first=1&max_to_show=10&sort_type=alpha&result_place=1&search_id=deX1-VcvIKO-11939&hilite=50259150>.

[3] Ram Dass and Paul Gorman, How Can I Help?: Stories and Reflections on Service, (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1987), 26.

[4] Jerome Bump, “Perfectionism: It Cuts Both Ways,” 19^th Century Literature, Architecture, and Art, vol. 2. (Austin, TX: Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2006), 190.

[5] Jerome Bump, “Scallop Shell Symbolism: an internet search,” 19^th Century Literature, Architecture, and Art, vol. 2. (Austin, TX: Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2006), 146.

[6] Jerome Bump, “Sensing and Writing,” 19^th Century Literature, Architecture, and Art, vol. 2. (Austin, TX: Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2006), 146.

[7] Jerome Bump, “Judging and Writing,” 19^th Century Literature, Architecture, and Art, vol. 2. (Austin, TX: Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2006), 151.

[8] Jerome Bump, “Feeling and Writing,” 19^th Century Literature, Architecture, and Art, vol. 2. (Austin, TX: Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2006), 150.

[9] Ram Dass and Paul Gorman, How Can I Help?: Stories and Reflections on Service, (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1987), 67.