Ashley Todd
P2C
“Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be
held by anybody else these pages must show.”
First sentence David Copperfield, by Charles Dickens
Perhaps it is uncomfortable to clearly identify a leadership vision of my own because the notion of leadership implies a certain amount of responsibility or ownership of the world in which I exist. Perhaps the issue is more that, regardless of what I identify to be my vision, it is largely dependent upon that world and the imperfect rules that govern it. We were assigned the daunting task of identifying characteristics of our personalities which prevent an effective leader from emerging. But my mind (its faculties designed and finely tuned by this same flawed world) immediately senses the vanity in this effort. I understand that it is not enough to merely alter myself.
It is most likely the strength and influence of my cynicism that inhibits me from reacting constructively to my discontentment with the state of the world. I believe the opportunity for change or progress is possible only where there exists room for improvement. After all, Martin Luther King Jr. would have been confined to count sheep if the world had been operating well enough on its own. It is this cynic also that classifies the most significant changes in our world as a result of a negative catalyst. September eleventh brought about a long lost sense of patriotism in the United States, but at what cost? Likewise, it took hurricane Katrina to warrant the attention of the administration toward one of the many struggling and grossly neglected regions of the country. It is possible that one resolute leadership vision may have prevented these catastrophic events in our history but I’d venture to guess the contrary. Either way, it is useless to theorize on the conditional.
In all reality,
it is only fear that prevents any leadership vision from taking shape in my
mind. Formerly I resisted becoming a leader because I so often, in my
disenchantment, associated a position of that sort with agenda-pushing. I am no
longer of this opinion because I know it is only fear that prevents me from
taking action. If you are capable of imagining emotions in color-green jealousy
or red rage, for instance- then imagine if you will the shade of gray
associated with fear. It has such a strange stifling effect on the spirit. Like
the color gray, fear has a cloudy effect on the senses. It’s the sneaky
counterpart to love, which I deem to be the universal human experience and the
inspiration behind every effort, significant or not, to better the world. Just
as a “resolution to avoid an evil is seldom framed till the evil is so far
advanced as to make avoidance impossible,”[1][1] fear snowballs into something similar to an
evil addiction, progressing rapidly, fueling itself, intensifying the feeling
of dependency. The greatest leaders in our history have abandoned their fear or
in the very least, acted in spite of it. 
Grandpa and me 1[2]
While I recognize
many different forms of leadership, political leadership is by far the most
noble in my mind. This could be the result of being raised in a politically
charged family. My grandfather was a congressman and a stout republican
newspaper man. Politics were discussed openly and fervently in my home and no
subject went untouched. My grandmother grew up during the Great Depression. She
witnessed first hand the benefit of a strong political leadership vision.
F.D.R.’s New Deal salvaged what was left of the flailing American economy with
hope, reason and a vision of what could be. For these reasons, possibly many
more, I will always associate strong leadership with clear political vision.
When I speak of disabling fear, it is with a political vision in mind. 
The republican elephant decorated more than one desktop in my family.
[3][2]
Admittedly I am
no Martin Luther King Jr. or Susan B. Anthony. These are the people we think of
when we think of visionaries; moral virtue, political strife, blood, sweat, and
tears. I am incapable of imagining the enormous amount of fear that must have
been shelved in King’s life to even utter “I have a dream.” I only know that my
own fear is far less warranted by my reality that I am certain his was. 
MLK's dream lives on 1
[4][3]
To ease my consciousness, I assert only that it was a different time, when the boundaries of right and wrong were clearly delineated by the natural law of humanity. The concerns that plague my age group seem exponentially more controversial. Nothing is simply right or wrong, black or white. Everything is a diluted shade of gray. Maybe it’s easier to stand on the banks of my generation and claim that there was a greater sense of clarity then, before the age of information and the static that has accompanied it. You know the static that I am referring to, in the media, through the cell phone, the iPod and the television. Static: the agitated particles resulting from the latent energy of our generation. “Such agitation is hardly the best ground from which to observe the subtleties of any situation.”[5][4]
It may be the blessing of every generation to fear that the one preceding it did little to provide security for the next. Maybe it is the creeping of that thought, scratching at the doors of our cognizance that creates the drive and stencils out leadership visions in those better than myself. As it is, the fear that has snowballed inside me is neither alleviated nor comforted by what I have observed around me. We have had unimaginable success at connecting people world wide but technology, which claims to unify, ultimately only stratifies us and further delineates between the haves and the have-nots. We have accepted these “connections” as substitutes for any real collaborate effort to connect us on terms and in channels that unite us as people. My generation is “to be known by the fruits of its indifference to every natural subject of human interest,”[6][5] instead forging ahead into a realm in which I do not believe us equipped spiritually.
I fear that despite all the efforts being made to create channels that are able to link us together from any remote location, we are failing to achieve any sort of common reality or goal as human beings. The country and the world are divided and disenchanted and while there are many to be blamed, including myself, there is so little progress to be gained from doing so. This may all seem like over generalized social commentary but my point is really very simple. As the presence of fear makes stagnant any motivation to change the world, we all begin to operate under the assumption that someone else will do the work for us. Someday, in the near distant future, someone, somewhere will save us all from ourselves, be it Hillary Rodham or Jesus Christ. We have “been accustomed to think of heroic deeds and great principles as something antithetic to the vulgar present,” [7][6] and in doing so have relinquished any hope for progress.
Today, amidst the enormous reserves of wealth and resources, hope is really the only valuable resource that is unsusceptible to the corruption that marks our time. Realism has segued into cynicism. Bureaucracy has muddled the efficiency of the system. Apathy infiltrates even the brightest minds of my generation and all this simply increases the diameter of my snowball of fear.
1 The big, Gray snowball
[8][7] I found myself, a few weeks ago, in the company of a keg and a gentleman, whom I had never met before but who claimed himself to be educated, degreed and employed as a legal assistant at a firm downtown. His list of credentials serves only to establish our similar positions. He declared that he believed his strongest political statement was the relinquishment of his vote, which I can see as nothing other than blasphemous stupidity. He assured me of his intention to organize a large enough group of dissenters to ‘make a difference’ in the system. To this I replied that a larger than necessary group was currently in existence and he need only to look towards the ignorant and indolent sheep of our generation. This man, comforted as he may have been by his disillusionment, all the while piling up more gray snow in my mind, was in no sense a leader in my eyes. A leader is someone “desirous of information and disposed for improvement.”[9][8]
I am not suggesting myself as his better. In fact, the purpose of this paper is to assert the contrary. In all honesty, I don’t consider myself a leader at all. It isn’t hard for me to admit. However, I do have trouble with the implication that as a self declared non-leader, I have designated myself as a follower. There exists some area of gray to which I belong. Truthfully, many characteristics of my personality separate me from the likes of Martin Luther King Jr. or Franklin D. Roosevelt, but it is fear that must first be eradicated from my decision-making process if I am ever to act. Ironically, my ultimate fear is living a life ruled by fear; fear impedes so much more than just my leadership vision. Hopefully, enough light will some day be added to my gray to allow it to pass for white. As it stands, it will suffice to prevent any more black from pigmenting my progress.
P2A DB word count: 3,035
P2A word count w/o quotes: 1,168
P2B word count w/o quotes: 1,467