Self-Defined
“Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of
my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages
must show.”[1]
Look up my name in the dictionary and you might find the following entry:
DePalermo, Ashley, n. Caucasian female; born December 12, 1985 in
Austin, TX; 21 inches long, 7 pounds, 15 ounces; only child; daughter of Tom
and JoAnne DePalermo
But these are only the fundamental statistics of my life. They may describe me, but they do not define me. My identity does not emanate from circumstances of birth, but rather from choices freely made. My value should not be based on what I am given, but what I do with what I am given. I must accept the challenge of defining myself, in my own eyes as well as in the eyes of the world. In my process of self-definition, I choose to use my passion for dance as a starting point. Through dance, I can find my purpose, determine my message to future generations, and cultivate my leadership abilities.
For inspiration on my journey, I
turn to my role model, Jawole Willa Jo Zollar.
With her contemporary dance company, Urban Bush Women, Zollar creates a
clear leadership vision. She devotes
herself to “[bringing] the untold and under-told histories and stories of
disenfranchised people to light through dance… in order to create a more
equitable balance of power in the dance world and beyond.”[2] Through performances and outreach programs,
Zollar utilizes dance to teach others about the history and modern lives of
African-American women.
While I may not share Zollar’s cultural history, I do share her passion for the art of dance. She expands this passion to include community service and the education of younger generations. Such lofty goals require an extraordinary sense of direction and strong leadership skills. Zollar’s accomplishments help me realize that in order to leave a mark on the world, it is not enough to only perform; I must also lead. I must choose to set the direction, not just follow the path.
In order to follow Zollar’s example,
I need to build confidence in myself and my abilities. No one will respect me or take an interest in
what I do if I do not believe in myself first.
After dancing for eighteen years, I often take my talent for granted, modestly
dismissing my expertise and achievements.
If I declare my skills as a dancer, I fear that others will think I am
boasting. If I am the center of
attention in dance class, guilt and self-consciousness inevitably follow. Like Jane Eyre, I should instead gain confidence from my passion. I want to feel “my soul [begin] to expand, to
exult, with the strangest sense of freedom, of triumph, I ever felt.”[3] Breaking down that barrier of low self-esteem
should allow me to feel “as if an invisible bond [has] burst, and that I [have]
struggled out into unhoped-for liberty.”[4] Despite our obvious differences, I can learn
a lesson from Jane. If her passion for
love and justice inspires her to speak and act with strength, my passion for
dance should elicit a similar response. So
here it is – I will unapologetically commit it to paper: I am a highly skilled,
powerful dancer.
With
greater confidence in myself, I can take the next step on my Zollar-inspired pilgrimage:
improving my skills as a choreographer. As
a dancer, I am given steps to perform. I
can interpret those steps in my own way, but they ultimately convey someone
else’s vision, not mine. Choreographers
assume a leadership role and thereby have the opportunity to express their own
messages to the audience. The
independence and control I can gain through choreography could be compared to the
freedom Romola experiences following her mysterious nautical journey. After Romola purges the pestilence from a
village, she chooses to return to
In order to communicate my personal message, I must first determine what that message is. At only twenty-one years old, I do not think I have seen enough of the world to fully know what I want to teach the next generation. Despite this limited life experience, I am, in many ways, an old soul with a highly developed sense of empathy. My legacy needs to encompass sympathetic understanding, but by what method?
In order for my message to truly inspire me, it must encompass another of my passions. At this point in my life, my passions have led me toward communicating a message of gender equality. For example, every time I read a book, I keep an eye out for the representation of women, or lack thereof. Lucie Manette enrages me with her
…short, slight-pretty figure, a quantity of golden hair, a pair of blue eyes that met [Mr. Lorry’s] own with an inquiring look, and a forehead with a singular capacity (remembering how young and smooth it was), of lifting and knitting into an expression that was not quite one of perplexity, or wonder, or alarm, or merely of a bright fixed attention, though it included all the four expressions.[6]
She is angelically pretty, over-emotional, and child-like – stereotype, plain and simple. Her character lacks any kind of depth or dimension, and she does not evolve. Instead, she is a saintly creature (I refuse to use the word “woman”) who lives to serve her father and her husband.
Although our
society’s definition of femininity has vastly improved since the age of Lucie
Manette, we still have a long way to go.
Young girls can aspire to higher goals than becoming glorified servants,
but we have not yet 
achieved
true gender equality. For instance, derogatory
terms like “bitch” and “slut” have no true male counterpart. Appallingly, some women and girls even use
them as terms of endearment. I fear that
they will become desensitized to such offensive, gender-specific language. Since women dominate the field of dance, I
think dancing could prove to be the perfect outlet for messages of female empowerment. By presenting strong female figures onstage, I
could provide young girls with artistic role models. Like Zollar, I could tell the “untold and
under-told histories and stories”[7] of
half the world’s population. If “a
picture is worth a thousand words,” a dance performance might equate to an
entire book about strong, independent women.
Even though I will always have a passion for gender equality, I know that my interests and perspectives may change as I experience more of the world. “Every moment some form grows perfect in hand or face; some tone on the hills or the sea is choicer than the rest; some mood of passion or insight or intellectual excitement is irresistibly real and attractive to us, --for that moment only.”[8] The ideas I want to promote through dance will evolve as I mature, and I must be open to accepting those changes. Only I can act as the “witness” of my own mind, and I must acknowledge that the “process of witnessing is dispassionate. It’s not committed to one result or another; it’s open to everything. Because it has, so to speak, no ax to grind, it is more able to see the truth.”[9] Today’s commitment to one belief should not blind me to the value of others or hinder my judgment in making future choices.
Whether
or not I ultimately decide to pursue a message of female empowerment, I want to
take one final cue from Zollar. She organizes
community service programs and workshops in addition to choreographing for her
company. By expanding her vision beyond
strictly theatrical spaces, her ideas can reach a much wider audience. One of my only regrets about being a dancer
in college is that I have few opportunities to interact with the 
showcasing
the original works of student dancers and choreographers. In the future, I hope to work through Dance
Action to begin bridging the gap between the University dance program and the
None of my goals will be easily accomplished. They will require hard work and honest introspection. I will have to keep an open mind about myself and about the art of dance, and I may not always like what I see. I will need to make wise choices; but ultimately, I hope to write a new definition for myself. This new definition will encompass my passion for dance, my desire to spread a meaningful message, and my drive to educate the next generation. In other words, I choose to define myself in such a way that I can leave a unique mark on the world.
DePalermo, Ashley n. Dancer,
choreographer, visionary, leader. A
confident person with something to say.
Future undecided, but replete with choices.
Word Counts:
Without quotes: 1567
With quotes: 1899