Family Ties
"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." –David Copperfield, by Charles Dickens
In times of triumph and struggle, I turn to my family because I know I can always count on them. Each year I make new friends and meet new teachers and classmates. I have a few solid friendships from high school that I still work to maintain. Ultimately, my relationship with my family is the strongest and most dependable. Solid relationships with family members help to fight feelings of a Òdisconnection between man and nature, between man and man, even between man and himselfÓ [1]. In the end family (or lack thereof) is one of the most important and powerful influences in a personÕs life. The value of relationships surpasses centuries, cultures, and religions. Most people will agree, whether they like their family or not, that their relatives have an impact on their lives. My paper revolves around the importance of marriage and family and the positive influence my parents have had on my life as my role models.
Why is family my vision? Perhaps it is because my parents are my role models. Why do I have such a deep longing to get married and have a family? I am unable to pinpoint the source of my desire. ÒPerhaps there is no specific outcome to point to at all, only the feeling of having participated in something profound and wonderful.Ó[2] My ultimate goal is not to have 2.2 children, a white picket fence, cat and dog. There is no specific recipe for happiness and a fulfilling life. I believe raising children will be arduous and testing at times, yet a rich and rewarding experience overall. College is a great adventure, it is a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow. After graduating and finding a job I think having a family is the next great adventure in life. I know, however, that I need to keep growing and evolving as a person before I am ready for marriage and family. There are still several qualities I want to develop within myself, because they are qualities that I admire in my parents.
I want to grow up and have a marriage similar to my parents. My parents are leaders in my eyes. They each have their own particular strengths that I long to develop in my own character. A characteristic that I need to develop to become more like my mom is devotion. She teaches music at an underprivileged elementary school in Waco and is the most loving, kind-hearted woman I know. She continues teaching because she believes that she makes a positive difference in the lives of her students. Her devotion extends to her role as a wife and mother. My desire to become a wife and mother has stemmed from growing up and admiring her. In A Tale of Two Cities, Charles tells Doctor Manette that Lucy will make a wonderful wife because she grew up watching her mother, who was a devoted wife and mother. ÒI know that in loving you she sees and loves her mother at her own age, sees and loves you at my age, loves her mother broken-hearted, loves you through your dreadful trial and in your blessed restoration.Ó[3]
A characteristic I need to develop to become more like my father is determination. He is a self-made man and has worked persistently to take care of our family by providing financially and emotionally for my mom, sister and me. An unfortunate circumstance occurred right before my dad left for college that left him to support my grandmother and to pay for his undergraduate and medical school. He managed to take care of my grandma, excel in school, and win my mom over and marry her.
I have learned from my father the value of persistence. He has taught me to believe in the rewards that come from following your passion, in spite of the obstacles you may encounter. I have learned from my mother the value of wholeheartedly serving others. A person cannot learn anything by avoiding conflict, sacrifice, or pain at every turn. I have trouble acknowledging my own imperfections and I feel like most people find it hard to recognize their flaws, yet the revelation of these often bring about the greatest opportunity for personal growth. Evaluating the characters in many of the Victorian novels we have read this semester reveal the difference between heros and cowards.
Throughout Romola, Tito never truly experiences an honest or meaningful relationship. He deceives and manipulates for his own superficial benefit. He never takes responsibility for his mistakes. As a result, he never learns from them. He wreaks havoc on the hearts of his father, Romola, and Tessa. In Romola, I contrasted TitoÕs poor character against my dad and momÕs. I noticed how different his work ethic is from my dadÕs. My father has not chosen the easiest road in life, but he has followed his passion. My mom wholeheartedly loves my father and would never abandon him no matter how hard life gets. This devotion contrasts sharply with Tito who aims to make life as comfortable for himself as possible and abandons those close to him when it is convenient. Ò[Tito] had simply chosen to make life easy to himself—to carry his human lot, if possible, in such a way that it should pinch him nowhereÓ[4]. Most people can attest to the fact that maintaining meaningful relationships can be difficult. It isnÕt always easy or convenient to be faithful and loyal and Tito proves this by constantly running away, hiding, and lying.
My vision is to emphasize the importance of familial relationships. Miller concludes that, Òeach person comes into existence as a self only through his relation to others.Ó[5] I do not think my value as a human being comes solely through my relationships with other people, but I do believe that my lifeÕs purpose is revealed in my relationships. I have grown up under the love and guidance of my parents. They have an unbelievable influence on the decisions I make. Neither one of my parents is limited to their role as my mother or father, but both will tell you that raising children has been an incredibly rewarding experience in their lives. Neither one of my parents is perfect, but in spite of their weaknesses and mistakes, I know they love me more than anything. This love is undoubtedly the greatest gift they have ever given me.
I think there are several possible interpretations behind the following quote by Gabriel Oaks in Far From the Madding Crowd. ÒLove is a possible strength in an actual weakness.Ó[6] To me this quote means that love can bring out the best in everyone. I know my family loves me and this knowledge gives me strength when I feel weak or discouraged. That is the highest value of love; it brings meaning and comfort to our chaotic and often confusing lives.
Through the good and the bad I turn to my family because I know I can count on them. The point of this essay is not solely to promote getting married and having babies. It is to challenge people to evaluate their character and their priorities and to see where their personal relationships fit in to the grand scheme of things. Romola, Far From the Madding Crowd and A Tale of Two Cities are Victorian novels that examine the role of leaders and relations among family members. Naturally, characters that are loyal and devoted to their family distinguish themselves as leaders in my eyes. My ultimate goal is that I will one day have children who admire me and trust me the way I admire and trust my parents.
DB word count since P1: 2,013
Word count with quotes before revisions: 1,661
Work count without quotes: 1,502
word count of quotes: 159
Word count after cuts: 960
Final Word Count: 1,309
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[1] J. Hillis Miller, The Disappearance of God. The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome Bump. Austin: JennÕs Copy and Binding, 2007. 236.
[2] Ram Dass, How Can I Help? The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome Bump. Austin: JennÕs Copy and Binding, 2007. 104.
[3] Dickens, Charles. A Tale of Two Cities. 1859. Introduction Richard Maxwell. New York. Penguin Group, 2000. 138.
[4] Eliot, George. Romola. Introduction Robert Kiely. New York: Random House, 2003. 226.
[5] J. Hillis Miller, The Disappearance of God. The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome Bump. Austin: JennÕs Copy and Binding, 2007. 244.
[6] Hardy, Thomas. Far From the Madding Crowd. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1986. 24.
[7] J. Hillis Miller, The Disappearance of God. The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome Bump. Austin: JennÕs Copy and Binding, 2007. 236.
[8] Ram Dass, How Can I Help? The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome Bump. Austin: JennÕs Copy and Binding, 2007. 104.
[9] Dickens, Charles. A Tale of Two Cities. 1859. Introduction Richard Maxwell. New York. Penguin Group, 2000. 138.
[10] Eliot, George. Romola. Introduction Robert Kiely. New York: Random House, 2003. 226.
[11] J. Hillis Miller, The Disappearance of God. The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome Bump. Austin: JennÕs Copy and Binding, 2007. 244.
[12] Hardy, Thomas. Far From the Madding Crowd. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1986. 24.