How Leadership
Transformed My Life
"Whether I shall
turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by
anybody else, these pages must show."
- David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
To me, leadership is a way of life - a meaningful
life. Although the term leadership is defined as “a leader of a group,” I would
like to broaden this definition to include “a person who is in charge of one’s
own life.” I must have the ability to take charge of my own life before it is
possible to be a true leader for others and to succeed in life. Leadership
entitles and defines much more than being the leader of a class project, or
even being head of a powerful Fortune 500 company (although this has something
to say about a person’s leadership skills). For this very reason, every one of
us has the responsibility to become leaders of our own lives. Professor Bump
had everyone in the class start our P2 projects with a Charles Dickens’ quote
from his popular novel David Copperfield.
This quote embodies my idea and
definition of leadership precisely. It says that if I cannot become the hero of
my own life, taking charge through all the ups and downs, I am giving somebody
else the privilege to govern myself, giving up my rightful ownership and ability.
[1] I have
to be a hero of my own life.
From the minute I stepped my foot into kindergarten, I was
brainwashed with the word “leadership”. It has been thoroughly engrained into my
brain as something important, innovative and inspiring. Although I was
encouraged from an early age to play “leader,” and was told of its importance until
the day I graduated from high school, all thirteen years of it I overlooked the
most important journey of all – searching for a leader within myself. The honor
of being chosen nap fairy in kindergarten and being elected class president in
high school is certainly an admirable aspect of leadership yet it does not
encompass an “inner” leader. Until college I failed to see beyond the
elementary teachings and definition of leadership.
[2] Even a
nap fairy is a big leadership responsibility to a kindergartener.
My role as a leader (at least in the small sense) really
picked up in high school. I was the leader of everything: president of National
Honor Society, president of Science Club, Secretary of The Human Rights
Organization, etc. (you get the idea). I was loved by all my teachers and
respected by all my peers, was a straight ‘A’ student and graduated top 1% of my
class. Soon enough my identity and sense of self was defined by those around me,
through my achievements. Soon I was labeled as the “nice girl who is president
of everything and makes amazing grades,” even by those who did not know me. And
it was not long before that I started viewing myself in this light as well. I
was so much more than this “perfect student,” yet I was “cling[ing] to [the] one dimension of [my] identity at the expense
of… others”.[3] While I
was honored to be regarded as a great student and “leader,” I knew something
was missing at the very core. Defining myself as a leader in these terms left
me feeling dull and boring. My life was no longer interesting because I allowed
myself no room for imperfections or to simply be myself because I was worried
that it would get in the way of the image that I had intricately constructed
for myself over the years. What I did not know was that I was hindering myself
from growing internally, and only building artificial “qualities” that everyone
thought a respected leader should have. “So often we deny ourselves and others
the full resources of our being simply because we’re in the habit of defining
ourselves narrowly and defensively to begin with. Less flexible, less
versatile, we inevitably end up being less helpful”. [4] I
had built myself into a “perfect student machine” and anything else that got in
the way of it made me afraid. I had let those around me define my sense of
leadership, ultimately giving them control of my life. Ironically, I was a
leader only by title while in all other aspects of my life I was nothing but a
follower. I could not help myself or anybody around me when I was spreading my
grounds too thin, trying to be pleasing to everyone. It was finally at this
point I realized that I needed to do a lot of soul searching to find the inner
leader hiding inside me, waiting to be found.
[5] I wanted
to be more than an A+ student.
However, even after this groundbreaking discovery, I
realized that old habits are hard to break. It was not easy to suddenly
transform my perception of myself because over the years I had allowed other
people’s perception of myself to become myself. As a result even I came to
believe that this image was all that I was and ignored other aspects of myself.
I lost the ability to forgive myself or to allow room for mistakes. My great
sense of humor and creativity was overlooked by this massive presence of narrow
minded self-specialization. Although everyone around me knew me as a respectable
leader and a sociable person, it was only a façade in the absence of an inner
leader. This realization left me feeling socially awkward and inept as ever.
It was not until college that I let my self perception grow
and prosper. I gradually learned the skills of letting go of the past and
renewing my leadership goals. Maybe it was due to all the pressure of high
school but I am no longer my high strung self in college. I am tired of being
the “perfect” student with nothing but straight ‘A’s. I feel the inner sparks
of my rebelliousness and creativity creeping up on me everyday. I even skip class
once in awhile, something that I would never have dreamed of in high school and
this very idea of skipping class gets me nervously excited! Now I am able to disagree
with teachers without the fear of a bad grade. The measurement of my success
has no longer to do with grades but my awareness of the leader that I know I
am. I can challenge other students’ opinions without the worries of being
perceived as unkind or rude. If Dass had witnessed my
awakening, he would have said that I had reached “a state of awareness that
incorporates… all and yet is still able to rest behind” all my other
identities. [6] I no
longer wish to construct my identity vertically and narrowly but want it to
prosper and grow horizontally and broadly. I am slowly breaking away from the
mold that I created for myself in my earlier years and started to defy society’s
definition of me. I no longer want to be defined into anything anyone says other
than what I choose to define myself as. I realize that I am not constructed of
just one identity but a variety, so numerous that I cannot put a number to.
They are all me, the big and small, the good and bad. I was never that simple
or easy. I had always been a complex individual; I am chameleon who is
versatile and adaptable and open to new experiences, changes and challenges. Now
I truly believe the most crucial step in becoming a leader (at least in my
case) is not charisma or authority but having the courage for self-acceptance.
Having courage means having the ability to believe in myself and proceed
accordingly despite what everybody else thinks or tells me. It means embracing
every part of myself, even the imperfections. In high school I had been so
concerned about the opinions of those around me and because I was afraid of
disappointing them I acted on their behalf, not mine. Now I focus solely upon
myself when making decision that pertains to me and I firmly ground my foot and
follow through despite their opinion.
[7] My
college has extended my leadership skills beyond my imagination.
Sometimes leaving a comfortable setting can help build
leadership in the right direction. When I first moved to
[9]
Despite my revolutionary realization of self, at times I still
find myself questioning my happiness because I am discontent with an aspect of
my life. It is at times like these I ask myself questions that Bathsheba asked
herself when she was struggling: “Can a man fooled to utter heartburning find a
reason for being merry? If I have lost, how can I be as if I had won?” [10]
Habits are hard to break and I cannot always find myself happy in my situation
or my environment but I can still choose to focus on the good parts it has to
offer. When I found myself feeling down I would go home to
The greatest personal difficulty was I faced was with a
roommate my freshman year of college. Being mere acquaintances made it more
difficult to raise confrontational issues than it would have if she were a good
friend or even a total stranger. Not only did my roommate eat and take my
things without permission but she was disrespectful. The incident that brought it
over the top was her boyfriend who became a live-in boyfriend in our cramped
one bedroom apartment. He lived in our apartment for a whole two months until
our lease expired. Having him over, obviously, was a great inconvenience to me.
Although I consider myself to be a pretty amiable person, I could feel a sense
of rage rise up within me and I could not take it any longer. I had to take
charge and speak up for myself. What made this “emotion so overpowering was –
how shall I define it – the moral shock I received, as if something altogether
monstrous, intolerable to thought and odious to the soul had been thrust upon
me unexpectedly”. [11] After
weeks of feeling like a stranger in my own home, forced to sleep in the same
bedroom with a male stranger and having to be fully dressed all the time in my
own house, I finally found it intolerable. Something inside me had definitely
awakened and as I shouted my first angry words at her, I felt my soul renewed.
I realized, that although it may not be the nicest thing to do, as an inner
leader, I had to muster up the courage to stand up for myself. And that is
exactly what I did.
This incident brought out no more tolerance to uncomfortable
situations I found myself in once in awhile, where in order to gain everybody’s
favor I would be nice despite what I really wanted to say. I was so concerned
about getting their feelings hurt. “Sometimes, we strike into the skirting mud,
to avoid the stones that clatter us and shake us, and sometimes we stick in
ruts and sloughs there. The agony of our impatience is then so great, that in
our wild alarm and hurry we are for getting out and running – hiding – doing
anything but stopping”. [12] I
no longer wanted to run away from my problems or overlook them. I was going to
tell it like it is and no longer create messy situations, skirting through the
mud, ruining my own convenience to avoid an issue that needs to be faced. This
attitude helps me a lot not only within the boundaries of school but in life. I
have made better friends with stronger bonds than I ever have before and
learned to voice my opinion in difficult situations. I learned that being a
leader and having successful leadership skills does not only apply in a working
environment or in the classroom. It does not only pertain to organizations and
clubs with hundreds of group members. A true leader is a leader who has authority
over oneself and has the power to govern in the fullest extent.
[13]
Leadership is the most important skill in life.
I can say that I am a much happier person now than I was a
couple years ago. Sure, my grades are not perfect and I am not referred to the
“nice girl” as I was before. But I can live without that. I have learned to do
what is best for myself regardless of the society and the people around me.
This does not mean that I do not listen to anyone or refrain from listening to
their opinions. I have a group of close friends and mentors that I hold dear to
my heart and I take their life experiences seriously to learn and expand upon.
After all, “No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it
can feel trust and reverence”. [14]
Leadership is also learning how to balance myself and those around me, however,
in the end the decision should be based upon what is best for me.
I still have a long ways to go and a lot to live and learn.
Although I am stepping out of school as a college graduate, I have no distinct
plans on when and where my life’s journeys will take me. If it were a couple
years ago I would have passed out with a heart attack by now but now that I
have all the self-confidence and reassurance in myself I am more relaxed than
ever. I am excited about what life has to bring for me after college. I
conquered my fears of failure and imperfection and I have no doubt in my mind
that I can be a useful leader in this society as I have been for myself.
P1B Total Word Count: 2,560
P1A Total Word Count: 2,188
P1A Word Count without quotes: 1,934
P1B Word Count without quotes: 2,306