Lisa Miller

The Will to Care

It was once said, "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show" (1). We have no way of knowing if we will live a life we deem to be heroic until our lives are over. I feel that living a heroic life is thriving at everything we do in life, attempting to be the best person you can be, and continuously striving towards accomplishing the goals and purpose we feel is ours. My leadership goal is to live a life devoted to caring for other people when they are in need.

As an individual, I stand for many things and have various inspirations resonating within myself to motivate me. They pull me in many different directions and push me to keep striving towards my many goals. People are not driven towards one thing, or by one thing. Though I have many leadership goals I would like to accomplish, the main quality I hope to obtain is having the ability to care and help other people. I realize this seems to be a very simple thing, but in fact, it is not. Though most of the time it floats out of me freely, in some instances it requires me to give up things I have always longed for. It has challenged me to take chances that might hurt me financially, emotionally, or even physically at times. To put oneself aside and focus on caring for others, I have to, as Ram Dass would say, play the role of witness. “This process of witnessing is dispassionate. It’s not committed to one result or another; it’s open to everything.” “The witness, however, is not passive, complacent, or indifferent. Indeed, while it’s not attached to a particular outcome, its presence turns out to bring about change” (2). By playing this role of witness, I require myself to help others, even though I don’t know if my help will affect them.

I feel we need to help others when they cannot help themselves. To truly care for someone, you must be there for them in both the good and bad times, and support them even when it is hard to do. Over time, I have learned that helping people and caring for others is less about who you are and how you want to be perceived, and more about the people in need. I have made caring for others my leadership goal because its benefits are not tangible. Caring for others is a job with few rewards, but the need for help in this field is great. Without people to tend for, and love those in need, the bad times in life would be unbearable, and we would all feel dreadfully alone.

Last summer I felt driven towards going on a mission trip to Nicaragua. Even though I couldn’t really afford the trip, and my health was not as stable as it could have been, I couldn’t help but feel I was supposed to go. I prayed for months, and decided to partake in the mission trip. The first day in Nicaragua I became very ill and felt that I was a hindrance to our team. I started to reevaluate my decision to go and began to get mad at myself for being so naive. I had known that I would probably get sick on this trip, yet I still decided to go. I felt guilty for making the selfish decision and wondered how I could possibly be of any good to the team. The next day, even though I was still feeling sick, I attempted to go out to “the dump” and help at the school. I had only been there for about five minutes before I had to vomit. Disheartened, I walked back from the bathroom and sat on a chair. I began to pray and ask God why he sent me on this trip. I watched fellow teammates cutting hair, picking out lice, washing feet, and making crafts. I couldn’t really do any of these things, and felt useless. It was at this exact moment of contemplation when I felt someone grab my hand. I looked down towards my fingertips and saw a sad little girl. The next thing I knew she was hugging my leg, so I picked her up and sat her in my lap. There we were, just sitting there, watching everyone else work. My mind drifted, and I no longer thought about why I had gone on this trip. I was at peace, and didn’t even realize it until later. Later that evening, some of the women came up to me to tell me they admired what I had done. I couldn’t help but laugh and tell them I was not able to do much of anything all day and that I felt guilty for not helping the team. They looked at me, a bit confused and said, “Lisa, that little girl you held had lice all over her hair. She was the worst case we saw all day”. A bit shocked, I admitted that I had no idea she had lice. In my eyes, holding and comforting the child was such a small act of kindness. This small thing was exactly what both the little girl and I had needed.

It amazes me the affect we can have on people by doing simple things. At the time the little girl simply needed to be held, and though I could not do very much, I could hold her and love her.

 

A. (“The Dump” in Nicaragua, where the children live and play in)

B. (The school within “The Dump”)

 

            Many life examples, and a few literature examples have taught me a small amount of love and care can go a very long way. One person’s warmth can overshadow a frigid world. An example of how only one person can have a positive effect on another is Bessie in “Jane Eyre”. Jane is a little girl living in a house where no one seems to care for her. She, like many, feels that the whole world is against her. Bessie is frank with Jane and sometimes tells her things she does not want to hear. When Bessie is telling Jane why she has to be nice to Mrs. Reed, she goes on to explain, “ ‘What we tell you is for your good’ ” (3). Sometimes we need people in our lives to remind us of what we are doing, and the consequences we may encounter if we continue on the same path. Bessie also tries to encourage Jane to be a stronger individual. When Jane is complaining and asking Bessie why she scolds her, Bessie replies, “ ‘Because you’re such a queer, frightened, shy, little thing.  You should be bolder’” (4). Bessie cares for Jane, so she tries to help raise her to be a stronger woman. Bessie’s love has a monumental effect on Jane. Jane is encouraged and motivated because she knows someone out there is willing to help her. Jane herself, grows up to play an affectionate role towards others, in the same way Bessie did. I can relate to Bessie because I am always trying to look out for my little sister. I love her very much and want only the best for her. This of course means that sometimes I have to tell her things she does not want to hear, or push her to be more independent. In an attempt to show our love and care for people, we have to address issues that might hurt them in the future. This allows us to better prepare each other for difficulties in life. Sometimes it only takes one caring individual to feel the love we need to continue on in life. Bessie’s devotion and love towards Jane is a great example of a caring spirit.

 

C. (Me and my little sister on our trampoline at home)

 

Caring for others means putting their needs and concerns at the top of your to-do list. One of the most difficult situations to care for others in is when you have to confront them on a topic they do not wish to address. Many people choose not to be honest with others by not addressing difficult issues of concern. This avoidance however, will not help people in the future. When I was in high school my choir teacher was always harder on me than he was on others. When I argued with him, he would always make me fully support my statements until I didn’t even care about the topic anymore. He would also call me out in front of everyone if I used a word incorrectly. I used to think he was just mean and that he didn’t like me, but in fact it was the exact opposite. He knew that I wanted to succeed in life, so he was willing to play the part of “bad guy” in an effort to help me learn from my mistakes and become a more confident person. Over time, I have learned a hidden aspect of caring for others is preparing them for the future.

            Another very difficult situation is when people pass away. It is at this time when most people are at their weakest and looking for the strength and help from others.

Recently I experienced what it feels like to have a close friend pass away. Chuck was 42 years old and was like a father to me. His son is one of my best friends, and when I received the bad news, all I could think about was how hard it was going to be on the family. I went home as soon as I possibly could and tried to help out. I tried to help clean their house, make posters with pictures on it, prepare food, and clean the laundry, along with numerous other things. You name it, and I attempted to help “fix it”. It was about one thirty in the morning when I finally sat down and realized how foolish I had been. I was trying to make things better by doing impersonal jobs that needed to be done around the house. This is not what family needed though. Chuck’s wife, Lorie, wanted someone to listen to her tell stories about her husband, and to talk with her about all of the good times they had shared together. She wanted someone to cry with, and to be surrounded by her loved ones. It took me hours to realize that I had made the same mistake everyone else was making. I was trying to make things “easier” on her by dealing with small problems around the house when all she wanted was for someone to listen to her and hold her. “So often we deny ourselves and others the full resources of our being simply because we’re in the habit of defining ourselves narrowly and defensively to begin with. Less flexible, less versatile, we end up being less helpful” (5). At the time, I did not realize I was trying to play specific roles as a house cleaner, decorator, chef, and coordinator, when I should have been playing the more versatile role of being her friend. Caring for The Shewell family is an example of how helping others can sometimes be a hard thing to do. As difficult as it may be to care for loved ones in their time of need, I feel driven towards these difficult situations. Many people neglect exactly how complicated life can be for others at times. I feel my purpose is to aid others in very difficult times like these, and to be a person others can lean on for support.

D. (A picture of the Shewell family, taken a few months ago)

 

To continue to be there for people in both good times, and bad times, can be very difficult. Gabriel in “Far From the Madding Crowd” is a perfect example of someone that is willing to give up his own happiness to serve others. Gabriel went to Bathsheba’s rescue many times, but the hardest time was probably right after the wedding festivities for Bathsheba and Troy. Gabriel was in love with Bathsheba, but continued to work for her even after she married a different man. After the party, everyone was intoxicated, so Gabriel attempted to save her crops from the rain by himself. Gabriel states, “I will help to my last effort the woman I have loved so dearly” (6). At this point in the story, Gabriel knows that he can gain nothing from doing this kind act, but he also knows that without his help, the woman he loves would lose a great deal of money. He was willing to give all of the energy he had, and risk his life to help someone he cared for. Gabriel is a perfect example of someone that is willing to care for others. Gabriel’s character is much like Jesus Christ’s. Both men are not out for their own gain, but instead devoted to the people they love. They both live extremely honorable lives by serving others. I hope I can live a life that may one day be considered half as respectable as theirs.

            Another example of a difficult situation to serve others in is when they have hurt you in the past. I think this will be the most difficult task for me in the future, because many people have hurt me. In an attempt to truly portray the leadership quality of caring for others, I must be able to forgive the wrongs that have been done against me. “In Romola”, the main character, Romola is extremely forgiving. After leaving her husband for the second time, she can’t help but continue to worry about him. “She was uneasy that she had put herself out of reach of knowing what was his fate-uneasy that the moment might yet come when he would be in misery and need her” (7). Time and time again Tito hurt Romola, yet she always cared for him, and was there when he needed help. I hope I can grow strength and love, so that I may be able to care for the people that have hurt me, as much as I care for those who have not.

            To give up one’s own life is the most extreme form of care and self-sacrifice. Carton in “Tale of Two Cities” chooses to take Darnay’s place in prison with the intentions of dying to save his love’s husband. Carton love’s Lucie, and knows that she wants nothing more than to be able to live her life with her husband. He chooses to help Lucie even though she does not return his love. Carton gives his life for Lucie’s happiness. To do this, Carton drugs Darnay and takes his place in prison. A fellow prisoner realizes that she is not talking to Charles Darnay, and that someone has taken his place. “ ‘Are you dying for him’ she whispered.” He replies, “ ‘and his wife and child. Hush! Yes.’” (8). Carton gives the ultimate gift of care by trading his life for the life of Lucie’s husband. Carton’s choice to give his life for another’s can be compared to Jesus’ choice to die for our sins. I can only hope I would be as brave as these two men if I were confronted with a situation that would require me to give my life for others.

            It is not always easy, but there will always be a need in this world for individuals to care for others. I hope to leave this world a heroin to others. I know many people would not consider simple acts of generosity and hope to be a heroic act, but I do. I feel we are each called in different directions and towards different goals for a reason. I hope to fulfill my goal as well as I possibly can, by caring for people in their times of need.

As Miller stated, “Each person comes into existence as a self only through his relation to others” (9).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Word Count With Quotes- 2,694

Word Count without Quotes- 2,487

 

 

 

 

Works Cited

 

 

1. Charles Dickens, David Copperfield. “The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome

Bump.  Austin: Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2007. 

 

2. Ram Dass, How Can I Help? “The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome Bump.  Austin:

           Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2007.  99.

 

3. Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre. “Norton Critical Edition, ed. Richard J. Dunn.” New           York:  W.W. Norton & Company, 2001.  10.

 

4. Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre. “Norton Critical Edition, ed. Richard J. Dunn.” New           York:  W.W. Norton & Company, 2001.  32.

 

5. Ram Dass, How Can I Help?  The Victorian Novel, ed. Jerome Bump.  Austin:

           Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2007.  97.

 

6. Thomas Hardy, Far From the Madding Crowd. “Norton Critical Edition, ed. Robert C.

Schweik .” New York:  W.W. Norton & Company, 1986.  189.

 

7. George Eliot, Romola. “Modern Library, ed. United States:  Random House, Inc.,

2003.  557.

 

8. Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities. “Penguin Classics. Richard Maxwell”

England: Penguin Groups Limited, 2003.  369.

 

9. J Hillis Miller, The Form of Victorian Fiction “The Victorian Novel, ed.

Jerome Bump.  Austin: Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2007.  244.

 

 

 

 

A. Personal Photograph- “The Dump”, where the children live and play in

 

B. Personal Photograph- The school within “The Dump”

 

C. Personal Photograph- Me and my little sister on our trampoline at home

 

D. Personal Photograph- A picture of the Shewell family taken a few months ago)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Will To Care

 

 

Final Paper-

 

https://webspace.utexas.edu/lmm79/19th%20Novel/p1c/final.htm?uniq=plhhqu

 

 

 

 

 

Edited Paper-

 

https://webspace.utexas.edu/lmm79/19th%20Novel/p1c/changes.htm?uniq=-cvt81y

 

 

 

 

Word Count With Quotes- 2,694

Word Count without Quotes- 2,487

*550 Words Added