Leadership: A Never Ending Journey of Self-Discovery

 "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."[1]

  One of the most exciting and challenging moments of my life has been the Army ROTC field training exercise this past February.  It was my introduction by fire…literally.  I had never before touched a weapon, let alone an M-16.  Right off the bat, I grabbed the weapon wrong. My heart pounded so hard I could not hear the instructions given.  That huge mistake was followed by a very scary reprimand; this was my first Sergeant Gamboa experience.  My nerves were on edge, and I tried to keep my arms from shaking noticeably. “Maybe, just maybe, I won’t totally screw this up,” I thought, “Or maybe I’m not cut out for the Army.”  The next day I hit my first target on the rifle range at Ft. Hood, and Sgt. G was by my side the whole time, encouraging and pushing me to surpass my personal boundaries. My knees and elbows had turned black and blue, my arms shook, and it hurt like hell by the end of that night; however, I took pride in my bruises because I earned every inch of them.  All the scary moments of self-doubt the previous day gave way to, “I am soldier girl! Hear me roar! Hooah Army!”

Sergeant Gamboa, my mentor, embodies the Seven Core Army Values of loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage, and I believe that I could one day be like him.  I also believe that through various volunteer projects and organizations I can one day emulate the leader I so highly value.  Nonetheless, an Army career choice concerns me. I feel that I lack the drive, mental capabilities, and physical necessities for the tasks I would face either as an officer or as an enlisted soldier in the Adjunct General Corp.  I also lack confidence in my leadership skills and in my ability to be a soldier.  Ultimately, my goal in life is to live out my days serving others with compassion, and I feel led to this by joining the Army or working with military advocacy organizations. 

Organizations advocating for military service men and women help improve the quality of the Army and soldiers’ quality of life through acts of compassion. One organization that works for the soldier that is important to me is the USO (United Service Organization).  They provide service projects to help the troops and their families.  In order to understand and become one-step closer to becoming the leader I envision, I have recently become a volunteer member.  If I choose not to enlist in the Army, I hope to become someone who has “done beautiful loving deeds…rescuing those who were ready to perish”[2] by continuing to volunteer for the USO and by possibly becoming more involved with veteran’s affairs and the Department of Veterans Affairs.  I am concerned with veterans’ affairs because I foresee insufficiencies in the current system in the near future.  Many changes will have to come about to accommodate the new influx of veterans; an influx of this size has not been seen in the United States since Vietnam.                

      Compassion towards these returning soldiers is not something the public is ready for—not even the Walter Reed National Army Medical Center, a hospital for military personnel and their families. It has recently been under investigation for poor patient treatment and outpatient facilities. Affairs such as the Walter Reed scandal trouble me because I know quite a few soldiers, and they are special--“they [are] men enough to face the darkness.”[3]  The “darkness” I speak of is not just the perils of war or the loss of friends who have come to be family, but the inner struggle within the mind, finding the strength of heart, and finding clarity in a world without restraint.  The soldiers I have encountered have been some of the most compassionate, strong willed, patriotic people I have ever met, and I want to make life better for them.  They have already been through hellish circumstances.  By making sure they have clean hospital facilities, all the benefits promised them, and familial support, I want to be the one who supports them and alleviates their troubles.

           An informal way to try to alleviate some of the stress soldiers face is to send care packages and letters to share care and appreciation for the troops. Over the Christmas holiday, I worked on such a project.  In all honesty, I have never worked harder or more focused on a single project, getting the packages and letters out on time. I find that when I am involved in helping out soldiers, I have seemingly inexhaustible drive and compulsion.  What I enjoy the most out of this work is getting to know the families and soldiers whom I am helping.  The gratitude from the families and soldiers is worth all the effort put into the project.  It is “in those moments when we are not at all sure what our actions have really amounted to, we can simply allow ourselves to be touched by what we have seen.”[4] This quote is the best way to describe the feeling I get from helping troops and their families.  I never know what to expect--I do not expect gratitude or even a response because these people are fighting a war. If I have seen a letter of thanks, a smile on a family member’s face or a soldier’s face, then the feeling I get from that is enough.  Should I decide not to become a soldier, volunteering for a military advocacy organization seems to be the next best choice.

The Adjutant General Corp’s emblem[5]

  Still, I feel compelled to join the Corp.  If I do decide to conscript, the division I would prefer is the Adjutant General (AG) Corp.  If you are a compassionate person, this is the division for you because these are the soldiers who ensure their fellow soldiers get all that they are entitled to.  Working in conjunction with the USO, they provide morale-boosting events in a combat theater for the troops while overseas.  Not only does this division work toward taking care of the soldier, it is the division that works with, and for, the families.  One responsibility of the AG division is to notify the families of soldiers wounded or killed in action.  They also hold the high honor of providing funeral honors to soldiers.  Although this aspect of this division is quite solemn, I feel well-equipped to compassionately provide the families with the tools necessary to get through their tough times.  If this journey into the Army is what I intend on doing with my life, then there are a few things I need to re-evaluate and improve on.  One thing that I feel the need to improve on is mental qualification and durability; I lack the knowledge and experience to deal with scenarios faced by officers in the Army.  Many of the questions regarding an officer’s duties are brought to the cadet’s attention and are addressed in the ROTC program to try to prepare the cadets for real life experiences.  Officers often act as mentors; they carry the burden of their own problems as well as the problems of other soldiers. Soldiers will look to their officers for guidance in situations ranging from tactical issues to personal relationships, and this strain is something I am not sure I could handle well.

      Aside from mental strain, I will have to get used to the physical strain the required for the Army.  My choice of workout is yoga, Pilates, and dance. Needless to say, dancing does not prove to be helpful on the battlefield, nor does it help with everyday routines such as carrying an M-16 and forty to eighty pounds of gear and marching or bounding.  In order to attain a resemblance of being in Army condition, I can train with fellow cadets, Cadre members, and increase other methods of working out to enhance my performance.

 

                      

                          

Seven Core Army Values[6]                            Sgt. G with Cadets in the Presidents Cup[7]

 

 Sgt. G is one of my greatest motivators to enhance my performance in all of the characteristics I lack.  He has inspired me to become a better leader, a better person, and a better soldier.  Sgt. Gamboa intimidates me, and downright scares me at times, but he is one of my favorites.  He embodies the Seven Core Army Values that I wish to one-day posses, and he leads the way he wants to be led.  Cadets respect and revere Sgt. Gamboa for the example of leadership he provides and for the lessons, in and outside the class, he teaches. He often severely reprimands cadets for not listening or following directions; however, at the end of the day when he is proud of someone, that person feels pride and elation because his opinion is so highly valued.  I have been subjected to both situations and understand the motive behind them.  His discipline resulted in the knowledge of what I was doing wrong, how to correct the problem, and how not to make the same mistake twice. Being on the receiving end of his “good job” attitude, I felt the need to strive for improvement so that I could experience that feeling of pride again.  The respect he commands emanates from his passion to create efficient and capable officers and this passion is what sets him a part from the rest of the Cadre. In his passion, Sgt. G has made me realize what I would need to improve is focus and discipline to become a better leader, and attain a fraction of his leadership.  I have a tendency to begin a task with fervor and lose interest half way through. Procrastination is a side effect of this lack of focus, and then I do not achieve the desired result in my endeavors. Through his constant embodiment of the Seven Core Army Values, Sgt. Gamboa inspires me to focus more and work on discipline.  His constant example of selfless service of being accessible to the cadets for any Army related, social, or personal problem showed me how important compassion is for the Army profession.  He will tell you himself that, “I am not emotional; I’m compassionate,” and it is true. It is through his compassion that the respect dealt and earned by him prompts each and every cadet to push their own boundaries of personal courage and do their absolute best.

 

Sgt. Gamboa and Major Segner

Members of the UT AROTC Cadre[8]

 

The ROTC program exists to help instill each of the values into our lives to create better future Army Officers.  It tests these values daily in and out of class. Currently, I feel that I have not fully mastered each of these attributes; it is my goal to continue improving myself so that I may one day embody them.  One in particular is personal courage; this course has taught me to believe that the impossible can be possible with the right training and encouragement.  I never in a million years would have believed I could hit a target 50-75 yards out with an M-16.  This was one lesson learned from the Cadre that has helped with improving my leadership skills and it would not have been possible if they had not shown faith in me and given me the tools to see the extent of my personal courage.  They are “encouraging us, by precept and example”[9] nearly every moment of our time spent with them.  They do not impose their personal beliefs on the cadets but work at providing the tools necessary to make a sound judgment or an opinion of their own.  It is also from the compassion the Cadre has for the cadets that better leaders and a better outcome for the Army’s future is possible. 

Compassion is a necessary trait in a leader and could be included in the Seven Core Army Values.  It is something that I feel is important not only in being a good leader but in being a good person.  From the examples provided to me by the University of Texas ROTC program, both Cadre and Cadets, I feel that I have learned what I need to do to improve my leadership abilities and what it takes to be a leader.  They have taught me about the brothers-in-arms ethos to put those around you before you.  You lead them as one of them and walk with them not before or after.  It is experiences like this that will shape who I am and who I am going to be. I would advise anyone to try a little bit of everything because you never know what you might end up loving or what you will take with you from that experience.  Never in a million years did I think I would be on a path toward being a member of the world’s largest volunteer army. Through acts of compassion and friends, here I stand a changed person, “I could tell you my adventures…but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”[10]

 

                                                                                                         

Who I was…[11]                                                                       and who I have become[12]

 

                                                                                              

Original Word Count: 2,157

P2B Word Count: 1,785

P2CWord Count: 2,142