Brooks Antweil

E 375 L – Victorian Literature

Stand Outside Yourself and Write What You See

            It is easy to pin oneself with labels such as funny, smart, outgoing, happy, literate, gracious, etc.  Ram Daas points out that all of these terms are completely relative.  For instance, I often think of myself as a smart person.  Around most of my friends, I can keep myself satisfied with this evaluation.  However, in the presence of someone smarter than myself, I do not feel as though I am very smart.  I find myself funny, but that is not surprising since I have my sense of humor.  As Daas says in his book How Can I Help?, “implicit in any model of who we think we are is a message to everyone about who they are” (72).  Daas is saying something that I had not thought about before.  He is saying that if I tell someone that I am smart, I am either telling them that they are smart or stupid (depending on the context).  While it is true, Daas’ claim makes it very hard for me to describe myself.

            In the Learning Record A1 assignment, I was labeled as an introvert.  I agree with this assessment, but I frown on some of the associations that come with it.  For instance, I feel like introverted people are not thought of as confident.  I feel like I am a fairly confident person; I expect certain things in life, and I am not afraid to complain when I am not satisfied.  I do not usually get feelings of stage-fright when I have to speak to a large group of people.  I credit my limited theatrical training for this confidence.  I was in theatre for three years in high school, and I think that this helped me overcome any fear of speaking loudly and with conviction.  I am also quick to express my opinion about something if I feel like people want to know what I think.  In respect to our class, I think I have established my role as a person who knows what they think and is not afraid to say so.

            I am a fairly independent thinker, especially when my work is in an English course.  When people are defending a stance in an English class, my method of trying to understand their point is to try and take the opposite stance.  Sometimes, though not often, I will even voice this opposing opinion.  I have three reasons for not always voicing opposing opinions to classmates.  Firstly, I hold back out of respect for my classmates; I rarely want to make a classmate feel anything negative because of a statement I make.  Contrastingly, I will sometimes hold back my opinion because I am not sure whether I am right, and I do not want to sound (and then feel) like an idiot.  Thirdly, I do not always voice my opinions because coming up with contradictory arguments is mainly an exercise for me.

            I have become a much better reader in this course due to the journal requirements.  Since we are required to prove that we read by giving quotations, I have learned to read with a highlighter in hand.  This is something that I expressed an interest in improving on my goals list (number 2).  When I sit down to read an assigned text, I first read the journal’s theme.  Then I highlight any word, phrase, or passage that strikes me as interesting or sparks an outside thought.  In other attempts to highlight and read, I found that after finishing the assigned passage, I did not remember why I highlighted certain parts.  To remedy this, I have done what I set out to do by actually writing notes in the margin to explain my thoughts.

            I have expanded my goals list to include a way of improving my writing (number 5).  Something that I have been trying to improve, and have been succeeding so far, is trying to write as much as I can instead of as much as is required.  Writing the minimum amount is an old habit from high school that I have not been able to start shaking until very recently.  My goal here is to write my best—not just write what I must.

            My time management has improved somewhat, though I still find myself doing a lot of assignments at the last minute.  It is easy to brush away my laziness under the pretense of “I’m better at doing work when I’m under pressure,” but this statement is not supportable.  I do my best work, in fact, when I leave plenty of time to do it.

            I am an active learner, so discovery learning is especially helpful to me.  To remember something, I can not simply read it over.  To be certain that I will understand or remember something, I find it necessary to say it out loud.  I also have to visualize what I am trying to learn; and I find it helpful to associate what I am learning now with things that I have learned before.  Going through these exercises helps me not only remember things, but learn them to the extent that I commit them to long-term memory.

            My creative processes stem from my self-imposed need to entertain.  I am often consulted by my friends for creative advice, because I can come up with a funny (or at the very least captivating) way to present things.  Some of my creative ability comes from selective organization.  By selective organization, I mean that I am not a particularly organized person in my every-day life, but I am organized when it comes to creating something.

            If the course ended now, I think that I would have an A.  The reason I assume this is that, according to the grade report on BlackBoard, I am above the class average in fifteen out of twenty assignments.  In many cases, I am far above the average.  I have only missed one journal, and it was not a required one.  Also, I have turned in my journal for extra points four times.  According to the class leader list, I am in fourth place in a close race for a hammer.  These indicators show that I am one of the top performers in this class.  If I continue on the path that I have started for myself, I believe I will leave this class with an A.

            To further my development, I could do some of the things I have already discussed.  First, I can try harder to manage my time.  I need to leave myself more time to complete assignments and thus give myself ample time to revise my work.  I can also start doing more than the minimum requirement for assignments.

            I think that the class activities so far have been plenty helpful.  The assignments support active learning (which I have discussed as good for me) and there are plenty of introspective assignments that help us reach our potential by realizing exactly what we are learning.

            The only area of the course that I think needs improvement is the organization of instructions.  I understand the purposeful ambiguity of many of our instructions so we can be more creative, but the instructions that you do give us are scattered around the website and course packet.  There have been many times when I spend at least thirty minutes just trying to understand what I am supposed to do.  The instructions are all there, but they are sometimes hard to find.

            Through the last half of the semester, I have learned a lot about myself and my learning styles.  I now know that I am an active learner, and I am a creative thinker.  Through the constant pursuit of my goals, I believe that I can become a better learner and person.