P1 Revision Suggestions from My Peers

ALLISON, SAMANTHA J

"The day had finally arrived. I would be spending the summer at Oxford, studying literature just as many great writers before me had done. Not to say that I fancy myself a great writer or even aspire to be such, but the idea of studying in the same place that had inspired so many great minds was an amazing opportunity, to say the least. "

This is how you begin your project. The second sentence almost seems like a disclaimer about the strength of the first, and it makes your opening a little bit weak. It would probably be better to open strong.

Also, when you are quoting Arnold's poem, you didn't italicize the entire title. I think that's just a typo.

Your project was very entertaining to read! I also like that it has a storyline behind it...a definite beginning and conclusion, unlike a lot of them.

MECHE, BARBARA A

"My mind was filled with all the places I should like to visit and all the architectural history I had learned to appreciate during my Victorian Literature course."

Nothing much wrong with this at all, just thought that the use of "should" was a tiny bit awkward. Perhaps "would" would sound better instead, and then replace "and" with "as well as"?

SAMPATH, YASHODA

I liked this one a whole lot, but there's one thing I noticed. You comment to Matthew Arnold that current social doctrines have changed considerably since his time, which leads me to believe that his ghost hasn't appeared since he died. Maybe you could add some reason for why he appeared to you in particular?

"I nodded, still amazed at the site of having moved backward in time." I don't understand this one at all, so maybe you need to rephrase it.

GROENING, HOLLY LYN

'Turning back I saw that the expression on Matthew Arnold¿s plaster face had changed. He was smiling. ¿Well go on then, that¿s very good,¿" I thought this part was really cute :)

Before this sentence you need a line break (it should be a seperate paragraph because the speaker is changing:¿Well, I have heard it mentioned a time or two, but one cannot linger too much on flattery, especially since I am dead. What should you like to ask of me? It would be an honor to share with you all I know.¿

'Matthew¿s muddled grey color washed away and he seemed to come to life." can you explain this in better detail with more description?

"Such beauty I admit I have beheld in my hometown of Austin," would sound better: "I admit I have beheld such beauty in my hometown of Austin"

LARSON, JENNIFER MICHELLE

I kind of prefer to read these two sentences combined.

The day I arrived on campus, I couldn't wait to explore. Since I had a few days until classes started, there was plenty of time.

Perhaps like this, When I arrived on campus, I couldn't wait to explore, and since I had a few days until classes started, there was plenty of time.

I can't think of any expansion other than to include other sites and your's and Arnold's thoughts on those as well.

WANG, SUHWA

1. Maybe expand on what you're doing exactly at Baillol College- a physical description, differences between Texas/England?

2. I think in your conversations w/Matthew Arnold, you should separate the dialogue in paragraphs.