Bump- Victorian Literature
LRO Final
ŅItÕs as if you lived in a little town, and
you go up to a mountaintop and, looking down, you see how you move about in the
course of an ordinary dayÓ(Dass 73), said Ram Dass about how best to reflect on
oneself, in a quote that I feel is just as appropriate a beginning for the
final as it was for the midterm.
Perhaps, over the course of a semester, it is much easier not to judge
where I started and where I have ended up then it was at the time of the
midterm. I have had more time to
improve, and more time to reflect.
However, I still have a definite sense that IÕm not quite where I want
to be as yet, and that there is still so much room for improvement, which is a
little bit discouraging. And yet
if I focus on what I have achieved, I see no small progress.
Looking back at my goals,
I realize I had combined Ņbecome a better writerÓ and Ņget a better sense of
placeÓ for the purposes of the midterm.
Now,1 however, I want to differentiate them again. I canÕt discuss the progress of my
writing without bringing up one very important activity I have been involved
with this semester that has little to do with this class Š The Daily Texan. Reporting and writing for the Texan has
improved and expedited my writing in countless ways. I am able to synthesize thoughts faster and better, to
Ņhammer my thoughts into unityÓ with greater ease. In essence, for all English classes, including this one, my
writing has become faster and better organized, and I feel like IÕve finally
been able to break free from the rigid TAAS format of writing that was hammered
into each of us during our primary school years.
That said, I must go into Ņget a better
sense of place.Ó Inspired as I was
by our downtown excursion, I felt that in my time here I have really been
missing out on the so-called Austin experience. While I have always attended concerts, coffeeshops and sixth
street, I realized thereÕs so much more that I have not been exposed to, and
that I needed to broaden my horizons.
In the process of finding out more about what is uniquely ŅAustiny,Ó I
suddenly found myself to have a much greater attachment to this place, an
attachment I never really had as IÕd always regarded myself as a mere
transient, stopping over on the way to something else. However, as I become more engaged in my
surroundings, I notice one change from my midterm. I had previously cited DassÕs quote that Ņwe are free simply
to beÓ (Dass 73), as a positive thing.
However, I have found that I donÕt just want to be, that I donÕt just
want to be an observer standing by
watching my life and other peopleÕs lives go by. I want to be a participant. I want to be an actor.
And being an actor involves taking stock of whatÕs around me much better
than I have in the past, and I feel like IÕm really starting to do that. As Dass says, Ņthe truth waits for eyes
unclouded by longing,Ó(Dass 75), which tells me that in order to be aware, I
need to really put myself out there.
In fact, I must admit that one of the best
parts of the course for me were the in-class field trips. I love the outdoors, and I love that I
was forced to commune with nature, when otherwise I might not have, given my
overly busy schedule this summer.
I was able to Ņsystematically observe the mind itself and become more
familiear with the ways in which we are denied the experience of full
concentration.Ó(Dass 75).
When I went to the botanical gardens, I was
amazed at how easily I became detached from this modern world that we live
in. There were no signs of cars or
roads, and the presence of some sort of agricultural fair enhanced the entire
experience. It was like travelling
back in time, to an era when things were much simpler, and desires were much
more concrete. Now, I admit that I
wouldnÕt enjoy travelling permanently back to a non-modernized world, but the
momentary escape did provide me with a lot of perspective.
Likewise, our visit to Waller Creek gave me
an opportunity to really think. We
went on a particularly stressful day, and having the chance to just clear my
head and take stock of the world around me was a rare boon. Working for the Texan, I spend most of
my time in a basement, so being outdoors had become a real rarity by that point. Now while I confess that I ran off as
soon as I could, it wasnÕt because I wasnÕt enjoying the time we spent
there. ItÕs just that my life had
come to a point when spending time doing something enjoy was more
guilt-inducing than anything else, as I sit and wonder Ņoh Yashoda, thereÕs so
much more you could/should be accomplishing right now.Ó Maybe thatÕs one of the trappings of
modern society, this need to constantly be productive and constantly be on the
go. I donÕt know if I like it as
yet, but I do know that right now, IÕm basically a wind-up toy programmed to
go, go, go, and I wouldnÕt know how to stop and take a break even if I wanted
to. As a result, being required to
just sit in a beautiful area and ruminate afforded me a very rare opportunity.
So now finding more of a sense of place
becomes linked to another of my goals, that of learning to find inspiration
from different sources. Thanks to
the course, I look at buildings slightly differently, at the University with much
more focus. In fact, everything
that surrounds me seems to have become much better defined, instead of being a
mere abstraction that I pass through on my journey from point A to point B.
So, in a sense, I have achieved my goal, as
mentioned in the LRO midterm, of synthesizing my right and left brain better
than I have before. I know how to
use different faculties simultaneously, without allowing the concurrent
thoughts to drown each other out, rather, I let both sides breathe at the same
time. IÕm not saying itÕs perfect
as yet, but I do feel that there has been a definite improvement in that
sense. So when Ram Dass writes
that Ņthere is more to the mind than reason aloneÓ (Dass 75), I feel that the
quote applies far more accurately now as to my actual brain functions than it
did previously.
I need to address a point
I brought up in my LRO midterm, pertaining to time management. I can say quite honestly that I seem to
have made little to no improvement in that area, despite all my best efforts. But in that respect, learning to write
faster has definitely been a great asset.
This way, even when IÕm writing at two in the morning, I can finish by
three instead of staying up all night ( I didnÕt procrastinate in such a manner
for this assignment, naturally).
However, I still havenÕt found my Ņtranquility even in the midst of
trauma,Ó (Dass 74) which at this point would be eminently desirable as far as I
am concerned. At this point,
procrastination has become more of an issue dealing with my actual welfare than
anything else, as the adrenaline does help me to form thoughts more cohesively.
The next goal I had was
learning to synthesize many different art forms. I think I have become most successful in that respect, as
evidenced by class discussion and journal entries. The discussion we had about BrowningÕs poems and our
peculiar fascination with death comes to mind as a most obvious example. Through the integration of discussion
of song lyrics, movies, and television shows, I found myself getting much more
passionate about the topic at hand, as I could link the Victorian ideas with
things that are perhaps more relevant to me today.
Again, I feel I need to
re-emphasize one of the most important things IÕve gotten out of this class:
friendships. They say it becomes
harder to make friends the older
you get, but one of the reasons I really love discussion-oriented class
is that you are basically forced into interaction with others. For extroverts such as myself, it makes
life much more fun, and daily class much more enriching, when I think about all
the people I love to see and interact with every day that I come to class. It creates good morale, and a will to
make even more of an effort ( at least it does for me, and I recognize this is
not true for everyone). One is
always more concerned about impressing oneÕs peers than people one cares
nothing for, at least from my perspective.
I am, however, sorry we never did more
group projects. I understand that
that may go against the Moore method by which the class was taught, but I
continue to feel that working in groups increases idea-sharing, and forces one
to think in ways that one may not
otherwise do. Again, itÕs another
way to broaden perspective, and get new ideas to synthesize into life and into writing.
The class has seemed to become more lively
in the second part of the semester.
I had complained about the often zombi-like interaction in the first
midterm, but that seems to have improved drastically. Perhaps, that is due to the increased number of class trips
and outdoor activity, which may help to manufacture a sense of fellowship one
may not always get just by sitting in a classroom. Taking journeys together helps to bind us together, and
makes us more comfortable around each other.
Finally, one of the things I have enjoyed
most in the class is the nature of the work itself and how varied it was. For a start, I got to exercise my
limited drawing skills, and as a budding artist, any chance to practice is a
gift to me, again because IÕm too busy to sit down and do something that I
donÕt actually ŅneedÓ to be doing.
I also enjoyed the presentation aspect, as that provided a chance for me
to practice public speaking, and it also allowed a chance to really see how
other people in the class function in front of an audience, which is always
interesting from an anthropological perspective. I also greatly enjoyed the reading that we did, particularly
the fiction and the poetry.
Now we arrive at the
oh-so-odious matter of grading.
Judging from my grades in the class, I would anticipate a low A at this
point, which I probably deserve.
IÕve still managed to do my best not to turn in assignments late, but
IÕve noticed IÕve suffered more technical difficulties in the second half of
the semester, particularly in designing the bot. Designing the bot may be the most irritating experience of
my life, as I had to redo it at least 4 times on various occasions. Once I thought I figured out how to do
something, I would realize that I was completely wrong, and IÕd never know why
I was wrong, just that the bot wasnÕt functioning the way I had intended it
to. ItÕs been a long time since
IÕd been bogged down in technical problems, as I tend to consider myself quite
computer literate. Perhaps that is
a lesson in itself, that I still have so much to learn in that respect, even
though I had felt so confident in my ability.
Nonetheless, I continue to
feel that I come to class well-prepared and ready to go, and my participation
has never slackened. In fact, I
may even be more participatory than before. Also, I feel that there has been a marked improvement in my
journal entiries. In some of the
newer ones, I admit I devoted much more time than I had previously, which
probably led to much more cohesive and thoughtful responses than I might
otherwise have provided.