Suggestions
To Others for Project 2:
"After
a few moments he said, ÀI wondered when you came here today with Matthew if I
might have the chance to meet you also." This sentence feels awkward to
me. Maybe you should break it into two sentences.
"Clayton is also well-known for the design and was
involved in the design of most building types of the period." Maybe you
should say instead, "Clayton is also well known as a designer..."
"On
my first visit to the St. MaryÀs Cathedral, construction was being held by
present architects." This sentence seems to need rewording
This isn't a major error, but more a tense issue:
"Since
it was too late to act upon this now, I retired from the haunted scene and went
to bed." Maybe say instead, "Since by this time it had become too
late to act upon, I retired..."
I would reword this sentence:
"Despite my hand in changing the face of the
university, one of my most crowning moments of glory during my years at the
university is my making of the University of Texas seal." Maybe you could
say instead, "Despite my pride in my role in changing the face of the
university, an even more glorious moment during my years at the university WAS
my design for the UT seal."
Also:
"I refused to show anyone give away clues as to the
mystery of its appearance." I think this is just an editing error :).
A little error:
"At the time, the war had just ended and I had very
little money, certainly nothing near what I have today, but I feel education is
very important." It should probably be "felt" education is very
important.
Also, I'd recomment rewording this:
"Let's
just say that Governor Ferguson was correct when he said Littlefield was a
vicious opponent, yet a friend that would go the limit for you." Maybe say
instead "...was correct when he said that although Littlefield was a
vicious opponent, he was also a friend that would go the limit for you."
"I had not realized in all of my rambling about this
subject that I was once very passionate about that David was practically
getting a hand cramp trying to write all of the information down." This
sentence is too long and awkward, you might wanna reword it.
There are a few comma issues throughout. For example:
"A couple of
minutes later when David finally finished writing all of what I had said
down," needs a comma after "a couple of minutes later."
Audrey
Wang
I think you should reword this sentence:
"Lyra, wisely, chose to remain silent, pausing the
questions bubbling to her tongue as quickly as the words came out from Claire,
Anne, and the third girl..."
And here's a small error:
"Walking quicker, although still not knowing where,
Lyra came to Broad Street and stood at a loss." It should be walking more
quickly, not quicker :).
Hehe. I like
that you said "Jane Austeny."
The only thing I could find that you might want to reword
is this:
"Inside, students float around bookshelves ghost-like
and droop over books at tables like corpses, motionless as we pace silently
through."
Great job!