Focus (Overall quality: 4.0 )

Reviewer	Comments	Helpful?
Reviewer 1	You begin with saying you don''t know who you are, but then you explain that you don''t drink, etc. There is no apparent thesis, rather just an intro paragraph, thus the 3. You explain who you are in the Alice metaphor, but only talk about it in the second paragraph. What is is paragraph "Dumpster Diving" about?	4 This comment was somewhat helpful to me. I didn't have a concise thesis, so this comment helped me develop that, but the reader did not understand that "Dumpster Diving" was a picture caption, so the last comment wasn't relevant.
Reviewer 2	The purpose of this paper does not seem sharp clear. The thesis does not contain the author’s objective, and I cannot pinpoint what the author is comparing his/her college experience to. Quotes from literature are included in relevance to the thesis. The conclusion had good insight, but did not effectively intertwine the findings from the literature into the final point of the essay.	5 This comment should have been proofread. I agree with their comment on the thesis, and measures have been taken to fix this. Overall I can agree with what this comment is telling me.
Reviewer 3	First of all, I enjoyed the author humorous style. It was a funny little ramble through the UT experience. In the sense of humor and tone of the essay, the focus did not start and was consistently playful throughout. I felt like this was the thesis statement:” What I enjoy about college is this: freedom to run my own schedule (because I manage time better when it is entirely up to me), spending time exploring interesting buildings without holding anyone up, going to events with free food, and finding awesome things that people throw in the trash. “However, I struggled to find a solid thesis. Moreover, I felt that since I could not find a solid thesis, that the essay tended to lose focus throughout. There was not a solid summary of the paper and overall each paragraph spoke of a different topic. The author did pick a broad theme in which a strong contrast to Victorian times and today''s college experience was outlined. I felt it was a smart approach that would greatly benefit from improved focus. Nail down a thesis and then expand the focus of the essay from there.	6 This comment was helpful because it notes the good parts as well as bad parts of the essay. I agree with the statement that the essay tended to lose focus throughout and I found the last comment to be the most helpful in revising the thesis and scope of the essay.
Reviewer 4	There isn''t a strong thesis statement. The first paragraph gives a purpose to the paper, but seems to contradict itself. I don''t know whether the paper is about using college as a place to discover one''s self or a place to "stay tucked away until I''m different, or sometimes ''somebody else.''" Also, that sentence doesn''t make much sense to me. You act like somebody else until you''ve found yourself? Even though the organization and flow was poor, there was some type of focus with all the episodic paragraphs. It was all about yourself. You compared yourself to Alice, Jude, and Victorian stereotypes.	4 I don't feel like the reviewer understood the focus at all, perhaps due to my writing as well as their perceptions. However, I can agree with the statement about contradiction in the first paragraph.

Organization (Overall quality: 3.8 )

Reviewer	Comments	Helpful?
Reviewer 1	Some of the graphics were visible, and the ones that were I liked--they were effective. With the subheadings, you say "social elevator 1," "Scholar 1" etc., but there is no 2 of that section, which is what I expected. The paper seems to praise what you consider "nerds" but that is not mentioned besides the intro and conclusion. The conclusion is witty, but not concrete withe the lack of thesis.	2 This comment should have been proofread. This reviewer did not understand the photo captions as photo captions. I don't feel like this review told me much I could do better. It only made observations.
Reviewer 2	Author included subheadings to his/her pictures and writing. Some of the writing headings had “1” after it (e.g. “Social Elevator 1”). The 3rd paragraph’s indention was a bit off and too much to the right. One of the pictures intended to show up (placed in the beginning) did not show up and had a box with an X on it. Other than that, all the other pictures did show up. They were discussed in the essay. Some even provide a bit of comic relief. The author provides an introduction and conclusion with each paragraph dealing with one subject at a time. Introduction was okay, but I feel that it could have been more inviting. The conclusion ended in a stronger voice from the beginning. The footnotes were linked, but when I clicked on them, I was led to Blogger’s Sign In page.	5 This reviewer also misunderstood the picture captions, but did let me know that pictures weren't working, which was helpful. The reviewer was also helpful in praising things that he/she enjoyed. The 2nd to last comment doesn't make any sense to me since it wasn't proofread, so I have no idea what the reviewer was trying to tell me.
Reviewer 3	The organization was better than the focus in a sense that much of the essay was an exploration of Victorian versus modern college. I though that the essay had some good points that were intriguing. Specifically, I liked the direction the paper took in comparing women of the Victorian era with women of today. Moreover, I felt that outlining the advantages a modern student has with tutoring were solid. However, I felt that paragraphs did not lead in any specif order. It was difficult to gauge the entire purpose of the paper. As a result, the organization suffered. The first paragraph opens with a brief comparison of Alice then jumps into a confusing second paragraph that has a loosely worded thesis. The organization then seems to come back together as the author follows a Victorian versus modern university approach. The essay then ends with a strong statement comparing the two eras. Organization would be much improved by setting up this comparison in the first few paragraphs.	7 This comment was quite helpful. I was able to modify the order of my paragraphs to make more sense, and I took this comment greatly into consideration.
Reviewer 4	The first body paragraph is about Alice''s metaphor of college life. The second paragraph is about the reality of college life--expectations and reality. It also includes the author''s interpretation of college. The third paragraph is the difference between Victorian and contemporary college experiences. Social ladder vs. social ... social what? You explain that college IS all about being social in the Victorian era. You explain that people in college today act a certain way in order to lose their labels. Isn''t this what college was about in Victorian times? It was about being perceived a certain way. You jump to the idea of finding happiness in others and the self. The next paragraph goes into ideas of competition in colleges. Motivation for knowledge. You contradict yourself when saying earlier that college is a social ladder and now saying knowledge was for self gain. The next paragraph you discuss resources. Earlier you discussed Alice, now you''re discussing Jude. You''ve made no connection between the two books. There were no transitions between the sections. I saw no attempt at connecting ideas throughout the paper.	2 I felt this comment was a bit rude as well as somewhat unhelpful. The first part is just a summary of what I wrote without specific ways I could improve things. Suggestions instead of summary would have been much more useful.

Flow (Overall quality: 4.0 )

Reviewer	Comments	Helpful?
Reviewer 1	The quotes from Newman and Jude are effective, but sometimes you have naked quotes that lack explanation and end paragraphs (7). The flow of the paper is good and at times I found myself laughing because it seemed very conversational. The language is clear and effective. The flow is your strongest section of the paper.	4 This comment was useful in addressing quote problems as well as commenting on things the reviewer enjoyed.
Reviewer 2	There is great flow within each sentence and paragraph. Writing is clear and direct, but seems to contain some passive voice. The author uses the parenthesis too many times and can do without them. The author missed some punctuation, which is shown through his/her need of commas. Augustine Marcus: But sometimes, I don’t want to tell people who I am[,] but instead[,] stay tucked away until I’m different, or sometimes “somebody else[.]”. The author had one run-on sentence: Augustine Marcus: Sometimes this is good for the person, and their social skills increase, which allows them to be stronger people in the real world when they graduate, but sometimes this just pushes that person deeper into their vices until they are living on the street and begging for money, not living the life of prestige and wealth they could have gained by not partying all through school.	5 This comment was useful in helping me minimize the parenthesis used in the paper. This comment also helped me find run-ons as well as punctuation problems that needed to be addressed. Overall a useful comment.
Reviewer 3	The author choose a humorous style that I enjoyed so I will give a little leeway in this area. Overall, the author has some good diction throughout. Specifically, the flow of the authors personal struggles in college with lifestyle and parents was very nice. There were some issues with run on sentences and general sentence structure. "We were raised to believe that we are entitled to a college education, but Jude dared to dream that it was possible and fought for it, yet failed miserably." "But I would argue that Jude started out as the nerd who wanted to be happy with an education and books, but got distracted by the “lusts of the flesh”, “In short, as if materially, a compelling arm of extraordinary muscular power seized hold of him…This…moved him along, as a violent schoolmaster a schoolboy he has seized by the collar, in a direction which tended towards the embrace of a woman for who he had no respect and whose life had nothing in common with his own except locality”." "Sometimes this is good for the person, and their social skills increase, which allows them to be stronger people in the real world when they graduate, but sometimes this just pushes that person deeper into their vices until they are living on the street and begging for money, not living the life of prestige and wealth they could have gained by not partying all through school. " The above quotes represent great ideas that need to be reorganized. I see what the author is trying to do, and I like it, but I had to reread each paragraph due to sentence structure. One of the things holding up the flow is the author not embedding quotes. They just hang there in spots: "We decided in class that it was the goal of all Victorians (at least in Jude) to use other people to make them happy. But I would argue that Jude started out as the nerd who wanted to be happy with an education and books, but got distracted by the “lusts of the flesh”, “In short, as if materially, a compelling arm of extraordinary muscular power seized hold of him…This…moved him along, as a violent schoolmaster a schoolboy he has seized by the collar, in a direction which tended towards the embrace of a woman for who he had no respect and whose life had nothing in common with his own except locality”. The quote above needs to be set up and integrated into the sentence. Finally, I noticed several sentences beginning with "but, ...." I found this to stifle the flow. Try to switch up sentence structure to improve the flow. For example, instead of typing: "But, ..." thrown it around a little bit. Try this: Jude, however, stated."	7 This comment was great in giving suggestions to fix things and pointing out problem sentences. I also was encouraged to fix quote problems, which was very helpful in fixing the flow of the paper.
Reviewer 4	I had a problem with the paper because it was written with casual language. I understand that students are the audience of the papers, but the language was too casual for me. It was almost as if the paper was not proof read. There were run-on sentences, missing articles, and poorly used commas. The word choice is also very strange. It''s not verbose, it''s awkward. "Some of us just need to stop and smell the bookbinding glue and be thankful that is such." What exactly does this mean? ''That is such'' is a poor choice of words.	2 This comment wasn't very useful because the first comment was too broad; commenting on an entire style that one reader doesn't like isn't helpful in revising. This comment is also a bit rude and does not follow the directions stated in SWORD: commenting on what is GOOD in the paper as well as what needs work is what is asked of the reviewer. However, the comment on the last sentence was useful in revision.