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| Project 2: Gunslinger |
| Dimension |
Your comments |
Reviewees' Feedback |
| Focus |
Average (4)
Thesis: Under that assertion, let us investigate how Sewell''s portrayal of animal life in Victorian England evinced a changing social view of the human condition itself, in both secular and spiritual realms of existence.
- You do give a lot information that is relevant, but try to emphasize your main points more to support your thesis better. You do mention the changes during Victorian England and include treatment of animals, but you don''t really specify Sewell''s portrayal of animal life until the last few paragraphs.
- In your first body paragraph, your main point seems to be, "In the realm of the material in Victorian England, almost every aspect of life was changing." You give a lot of detail and information relative to one half of your thesis, but try to make it more relevant by trying to support the other half. How does the changing of life during this time relate to Sewell''s portrayal of animal life?
- I''m not sure if your conclusion summarizes your whole paper very well. First try to unify your thoughts so that you can provide insight to the objective of your paper |
5
Helpfull in some ways, but misconstrued the purpose of the paper, so a little off in terms of review. |
| Organization |
Average (4)
- There is somewhat of a logical order that you do follow. You do sustain it across paragraphs, but sometimes I felt as if your paragraphs repeated what you were trying to say. Try to fix this by emphasizing your main points more and using all of that supporting detail to support your main points.
- Also try using more transitional devices to better the organization of your paper.
- Your intro is fine. Try working on your conclusion so that it better summarizes your whole paper. |
5
Concise and usefull review of organization. |
| Flow |
Average (4)
- Do you mean literary world? "With the birth of the Victorian era came a newborn focus on personal spiritual introspection, as authors like Carlyle, Mills, and Buckley shared with the literal world fresh views on personal morals and self worth."
- Your sentences a bit long and wordy. Try to cut the fluff. Ex: "It would seem out of place then, that at this same time arose a new interest in human interaction with animals in Victorian England, evinced by the creation of organizations such as the Anti-Vivisectionist League and the RSPCA, and expressed through works such as Horace Bushnell''s Essays on Animals." Maybe change to "It may seem out of place then, but during this time, there was a new interest in human interaction with animals....
- Cautionings isn''t a word according to spell check. "Admittedly, none of these moral cautionings would have been able to change mind of the common Victorian man on their own, not when the callous use of animals was a major economic linchpin in England."
- There are a lot of grammar mistakes so try to fix those.
- Your pictures flow well with your text and is reference as well. Maybe add captions to better the flow. |
5
Concise and usefull review of flow. |
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