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| Project 1: Jane Austen |
| Dimension |
Your comments |
Reviewees' Feedback |
| Focus |
very good (6)
Thesis: The best role model from the Victorian era is philosopher John Stuart Mill (1806-1873).
- The thesis is in the introduction.
- Not only do you provide information and detail that are important to the topic but I can clearly identify your main points.
- Literature cited is relevant to the thesis.
- The conclusion summarizes findings and includes the thesis.
- Your points are clear and concise but you can improve your essay by addressing some of your points to reflect the thesis better. I feel as if the message might be getting lost at the end. For example, when you write about his philosophies on empirical observations, you need to better emphasize why you think his philosophies make him the best role model. |
Not done. |
| Organization |
Good (5)
- Organization of the visual and verbal rhetoric is clear.
- The pictures are integrated into the text, but not discussed in the actual paper.
- There are captions included in certain photos to further explain them.
- Some photos might not be essential to the essay. But the "Censored" photo made the biggest impact for me.
- Logical order of sequence is maintained and developed throughout the paper.
- Some of your inserted photos in between the text, make it difficult to tell if you are starting a new topic or adding more support to an existing one. An example is the "On Liberty" part of your essay, so try using transitional devices when starting new paragraphs to differentiate.
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Not done. |
| Flow |
very good (6)
- The writing is very clear and direct to the audience.
- There is avoidance of the passive voice.
- The excessive use of fluffing language is avoided.
- The overall flow is good. The use of commas adds emphasis on the examples.
- Just trying using more transitions to make the start of your paragraphs more apparent.
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Not done. |
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