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| Project 1: Peter Pan |
| Dimension |
Your comments |
Reviewees' Feedback |
| Focus |
Good (5)
Thesis: A role model, on the other hand, should have sympathetic imagination, should have a positive effect on the people he meets, should be somebody a child can look up to, and should be sweet to his mother.
- The thesis is near the beginning of the paper.
- Literature cited is relevant.
- The conclusion summarizes what the writer thinks a leader should be and gives additional insight into why they think so.
- Although you do give information that is important and relevant to the focus, you need to put more emphasis on your main points. At some point you give a lot of detail to support his great character, but you did not answer the question to HOW his great character creates positive effects on the people he meets. Remember to address all major points of your thesis within the paper |
7
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| Organization |
Very poor (2)
-There seems to be a logical order of sequence maintained, but you did not indent or differentiate your paragraphs very well. At first I thought your essay was one whole body paragraph, so it was very difficult to discern what was what.
- Due to the fact that you did this, there was no order developed or sustained across paragraphs.
- It was also hard for me to find your thesis, but besides that, the introduction and conclusion are fine.
- You did not include any visuals so I can not grade this part.
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7
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| Flow |
Good (5)
- Your writing style is clear and direct to the audience.
- You do avoid using the passive voice.
- There is not excessive use of fluffy language.
- I believe punctuation use really did not affect the overall good flow.
- You can better the flow through indenting or more transition words to differentiate between paragraphs. |
7 |
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