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| Project 2: Peter Pan |
| Dimension |
Your comments |
Reviewees' Feedback |
| Focus |
Average (4)
Thesis: He had, “goals that [were] more holistic,” and concerned himself with “many aspects of [his] life rather than just [his] work,”2 and was a great example of a visionary leader.
- The topic for project 2 is, "Victorian response to animals and/or to India." This is not included in your thesis and you don''t talk about animals until the end of your paper. I still feel as if the main topic of your paper is about what makes a leader. Try to unify these concepts if you can.
- Your conclusion summarizes your paper well, it''s just that your focus should be more about animals or India.
- The thesis is near the beginning of the paper.
- Literature cited is relevant.
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Not done. |
| Organization |
very good (6)
- There seems to be a logical order of sequence maintained.
- You might want to use more transitional devices between your paragraphs.
- Sometimes your paragraphs seem like they are repeating the same information. Try to combine or rework certain paragraphs for more unity. Ex: Whenever you talk about Barry''s qualities in one paragraph, there seems to be others that talk about the similar subject.
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Not done. |
| Flow |
Good (5)
- Your pictures don''t work. If you use webspace go to your class website to get directions on how to get your pictures to work.
- The fact that your pictures don''t work kind of hinder the message of your paper.
- Sometimes you are a bit wordy, try to cut down to better the flow.
- Verb tenses don''t match (are and were). "Most of Barrie''s biographers make a note in the introduction that it is difficult to decipher which of Barrie''s recounts of his life are true and which were constructed in his imagination.3"
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Not done. |
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