| Dimension |
Your comments |
Reviewees' Feedback |
| Focus |
Average (4)
Thesis: Hardy challenges Victorians to question the life they lead, and realize how they are being controlled by other people and institutions.
- Yes, the thesis is stated in the introduction.
- The information and detail presented in the paper are relevant to the topic.
- The literature that is cited seems to be the supporting detail for the thesis.
- The thesis is stated in the conclusion and mentions the reality that Hardy addresses in his novel.
- You gave a lot of detail and information from relevant literature but sometimes I had a hard time understanding what you were trying to support.
- You need to emphasize your main points more. For example, during the end of your paper you mention that religion is permeated in many aspects of Victorian life and how Hardy implies that religion is flawed and useless. Although you seem to give a lot of detail and information that is relevant, remember to focus on the thesis and the main points that are suppose to support it. |
6
Helpful to know that I needed to emphasize my main points more, and helpful to have specific examples of where to do that |
| Organization |
Poor (3)
- The organization of the visual and verbal rhetoric is very clear.
- The pictures are fully integrated into the text.
- The photos are not discussed within the actual paper, but there are helpful captions that relate the picture to the paper very well.
- Some pictures are essential to the essay. I like how you put the picture of the workers in your paper to give a visual example of what their lives seemed to be.
- Both of your introductions and conclusions are well written. You might want to expand on the introduction a bit more because it is only 3 sentences long.
- The logical order of your paper was a bit difficult to follow. For example, in your first body paragraph, you begin giving details about Jude''s life instead of starting off with a main point that supports the thesis and then further supporting that point with relevant detail and information.
- Also, the way you separated your body paragraphs sort of cuts the paper into awkward sections. For example, you separated the section on religion into three different paragraphs but basically stated the same main points with different supporting details. Try making your body paragraphs into a more cohesive piece. |
6
Helpful to know that the logical order of my paper was difficult to follow |
| Flow |
Good (5)
- The passive voice is avoided.
- The language that you use is clear to the audience.
- I think punctuation was used where it needed to be. The use of commas differentiated the flow and was used to emphasize different points.
- There was not excessive use of fluffy language.
- The only problem there seems to be is that there''s not really many transitions between sections. |
5
Helpful, but maybe provide more specifics |
