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| Project 2: Reviews and Back Reviews |
Focus (Overall quality: 6.8 )
| Reviewer |
Comments |
Back-Review |
Reviewer 1
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The thesis statement: “Many assume that the moral values mentioned in the novel, only tie to Christianity, and do not realize their connections with Jainism. In fact, four principles of Jainism resonate throughout the pages of Black Beauty.”
Bang! Great thesis support fantastically throughout the work. The set up is eloquently presented and beautifully written. The rules are also well done. The author really has an interest in the work and it clearly shows in the writing. The analysis never strayed from point to point and the conclusion of the paper was also very strong. The use of numerous quotes did not alter the course of the flow.
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Got the thesis correct. Thanks, all of the reviewers reviews for the Focus generally said the same things. |
Reviewer 2
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In fact, four principles of Jainism resonate throughout the pages of Black Beauty.
Your focus is clearly seen throughout the paper. The beginning of each section seems to start out the same. Maybe a little variation would strengthen the paper.
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Got the thesis correct. Thanks, all of the reviewers reviews for the Focus generally said the same things. |
Reviewer 3
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The thesis appears to be: "Many assume that the moral values mentioned in the novel, only tie to Christianity, and do not realize their connections with Jainism. In fact, four principles of Jainism resonate throughout the pages of Black Beauty." The focus remains very clear throughout the paper and is very evident in the conclusion as well. I really didn''t find any problems here; everything was very straightforward from the beginning. |
Got the thesis correct. Thanks, all of the reviewers reviews for the Focus generally said the same things. |
Reviewer 4
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Very good job, I really like how all the aspects of every tenet is explored (i.e. all the kinds of abuse are explicated.)
I did notice that in the section about stealing, it seems to slip from literary present to past tense. I think that''s probably a problem, and should be looked at. |
Got the thesis correct. Thanks, all of the reviewers reviews for the Focus generally said the same things. I also fixed the section about stealing. |
Reviewer 5
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This was a beautifully written paper that was a pleasure to read. The focus is maintained very clearly. The thesis is explicitly stated right off the bat. The details were all relevant, and the conclusion worked wonderfully. |
Thanks, all of the reviewers reviews for the Focus generally said the same things. |
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Organization (Overall quality: 6.6 )
| Reviewer |
Comments |
Back-Review |
| Reviewer 1 |
Bang Again! The organization is centered around a rock solid thesis and defended by using the rules of Jainism. Overall, the organization is fantastic. The logical order, no doubt due to such good organization, never changes. The introduction presents a simple personal take on Sewell’ intentions behind Black Beauty and expands upon it throughout. The conclusion nicely summarizes the entire paper. I am impressed with the structural thought put into the essay and have no negative comments.
Moreover, I felt the visual imagery added to the essay. Each picture went beyond the words and presented an emotional aspect to the work (perhaps the Sanskrit did not). Nicely done.
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Thanks, the reviews for organization generally said the same things. |
| Reviewer 2 |
In the paragraph about Satya, it seems a little like retelling the story. It’s not a major issue.
I like that you split up the topics through the four Jainism rules seen in Black Beauty.
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I tried to fix the Satya part so it doesn''''t seem like it is retelling the story so much. |
| Reviewer 3 |
Again, very straightforward. There were defined transitions: first, second, third principles, etc. Both the introduction and conclusion are strong. The pictures are relevant, but should be embedded more and referenced before they appear in the text, especially the photo relating to Aparigraha. |
Thanks, all of the reviewers reviews for the Focus generally said the same things. I tried to incorporate the picture relating to Aparigraha into the text. |
| Reviewer 4 |
First of all, the title says five tenets of Jainism, but I only count four in your paper? Otherwise it goes through the points of Jainism very systematically, which is awesome. |
Yeah, I made the title before I wrote the paper. There are 5 principles but I could only relate 4. |
| Reviewer 5 |
Great presentation and organization. I went through it so easily and the visuals add so well to the paper. Really, really well done. I wish I could say more, but I really can''t. |
Thanks, all of the reviewers reviews for the Focus generally said the same things. |
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Flow (Overall quality: 5.6 )
| Reviewer |
Comments |
Back-Review |
| Reviewer 1 |
Wow! I looked, and then I looked again and found nothing that hindered the flow of this paper. The writing is clear and direct. Every sentence adds to whole. Fluffy language is avoided completely.
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I think my writing is clear and direct, but I had a lot of grammar mistakes |
| Reviewer 2 |
Throughout the text, Sewell includes allegorical lessons that range from, the need to treat people and animals with kindness, sympathy and respect, to the evils of material goods and fashion. There is an unnecessary comma.
Many assume that the moral values mentioned in the novel, only tie to Christianity, and do not realize their connections with Jainism. There is an unnecessary comma.
For instance, the horses in novel were often harassed and downhearted… you’re missing “in the novel.”
For instance, in chapter thirty, the groom’s boy would come every more at six o’clock to fill his bag with oats out of the bin. “more” should be “morning”
The immoral behavior exhibited by both father and son is punished by a 2 month prison sentence. Type out “two”
Around footnote 11 and 12, watch out for your tense when you talk about Ginger.
It means, one must avoid “the collection of excessive material possessions, abstaining from over-indulgence, and restricting one''s needs.” No comma after “means”
Furthermore, Sir Oliver’s incident in regards to tail docking is anything but cruel. This sentence needs to be the opposite… I’m reading it as if Sir Oliver’s tail docking is not cruel.
Be sure to proofread :) You don’t have any major mistakes.
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Thanks, I know I had a lot of grammar mistakes. I liked how you gave a lot of specific examples. |
| Reviewer 3 |
There are several things to proofread for:
Paragraph 1: "Throughout the text, Sewell includes allegorical lessons that range from, the need to treat people and animals with kindness, sympathy and respect, to the evils of material goods and fashion. Many assume that the moral values mentioned in the novel, only tie to Christianity, and do not realize their connections with Jainism."
Paragraph 2: "The most prominent type of abuse within the novel is physical. For example, the participants in the hunt, a violent sport itself, not only inflict damage on the grass in the fields, but set out to kill a hare for pleasure, resulting in nothing more than death for both the horse and young Gordon."
Paragraph 5: "Sir Oliver’s incident in regards to tail docking is anything but cruel. This was a shameful act just for the human desire for more hair, as if humans were born bald." These sentences seem out of place.
Paragraph 5: "Smith was a well liked man who was very kind to animals, yet his inability to abstain from drink did him more harm than good. His inability to abstain from over-indulgence not only caused Black Beauty hoof to split resulting in a violent fall that injured the horse’s knees, but resulted in Smith’s own death as well." The phrase "his inability" is repetitive. There are more instances of repetition throughout the paper, so please be careful when you are reading over your paper at the end so as not to use the same words over and over.
This area was the worst part for you. The diction was often wordy and repetitive and there were many many comma splices. I''m guilty of this myself, but please look over your sentences for these errors. You write well but the punctuation does get in the way of what you are saying. Your point comes across, but try varying your word choice in order to make the essay more interesting and flavorful. |
Thanks, I know I had a lot of grammar mistakes. I like how you gave examples. |
| Reviewer 4 |
All the pictures are like titles or headings to their respective sections--I''m not sure how well this works, and am wondering if it would be better to place these at the end of each section.
Otherwise, there are several paragraphs, including the second-to-last, which are pretty long. Consider breaking them up? It''s up to you, but I think encapsulating your thoughts a bit better may make it a little easier to read. |
Thanks for pointing out about the pictures. I had a lot of grammar mistakes though. |
| Reviewer 5 |
Just a few clerical things to improve clarity: First, in the second sentence "a young adult fiction" doesn''t make sense. Something like "a piece of young adult fiction" or just "young adult fiction" would work. There doesn''t need to be a comma after "lessons that range from". In addition to that there doesn''t need to be as many commas in the following sentence either. Really pretty clear and easy to follow other than that. The layout and visuals, again, are awesomely done. So clean, so smooth. Like a Steely Dan album. |
Thanks for giving some examples. I know I had a lot of grammar mistakes. |
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