Reviewer	Comments	Back-Review
Reviewer 1	The focus of the paper was clear and concise. The thesis, I assume, was to connect Oscar Wilde''s views about man and society to the espoused values of Newman''s university, and our own university. The progression was clean, the quotes were all excellently placed and used in conjunction with the overall idea of the paper. My only warning would be that some readers could mayhap become lost in the wash of information/quotation you provide, but I suffered no such mishap myself, so I can''t in good faith say you should change it.	Mostly understood my thesis and gave some good suggestions to help the focus.
Reviewer 2	I believe your thesis to be something along the lines of: Newman and Wilde exemplify your (or the) ideal college experience in regards to doing things for your own sake, as opposed to societies. The focus is good, but some sentences and thoughts need to be split up into two sentences/thoughts. For example: “Wilde’s warm companionship and likeability aren’t the only factors that led to his immense popularity – his sharply critical works and morally ambiguous lifestyle opposed the Victorian norm and generated controversy both in Europe and in the United States. And also, in the fourth paragraph, the sentence beginning “Wilde’s support of self-fulfillment reflects…” definitely needs to be broken down into two separate thoughts/sentences. It’s way too long, confusing, wordy. “Know thyself” should begin it’s own sentence. On a different note, you do an EXCELLENT job of incorporating quotes – picking good quotes, etc. Very impressed with your array of quotations. You might want to fiddle with quotation #15 though, it doesn’t really work the way it is. And I think you could include Malcolm X into it more. Also, in general the essay/paper is a little boring. Maybe you could open up with a story or anecdote about Oscar Wilde? And also, I know who he is, and I suppose the whole class should know, but you could still give Wilde more of an introduction. In the conclusion, you should say something along the lines of “whether you approve or disapprove of Wilde’s actions… “ I was also under the impression that Wilde was influenced a lot by Ruskin, who we talk about in class…. You could mention that? And I don’t know where you are with length because I don’t see a word count, but you could easily do a paragraph on Wilde’s creativity… and the importance of that!	Very helpful with making the sentences more concise and focused. Lots of good suggestions, also, like the introduction, Ruskin mention, etc.
Reviewer 3	Oscar Wilde is a figure of admiration because of his talent with words, his vibrant personality, and his forward thinking amongst other reasons. The focus of the essay needs a bit of work. I understand that Oscar Wilde is the main figure of this essay, but I really didn’t understand how this translates into your college experience. There are times when you hint at “how his words relate to you” but when I reached the end of the paper I felt that I wanted more detail about you, and how you are affected. I think you should dig a bit deeper, when I was reading I felt you were only scratching the surface of what you are potentially capable of doing.	This was good advice that I think I should have followed a little more. I didn''''t because I didn''''t want my paper to focus on me.
Reviewer 4	Oscar Wilde''s view on life helps the reader understand things about life, cultivate his intellect, and ensure he experiences the central mission of any university. I wanted the paper to be longer! Very clear, eloquently put, but not in the least verbose, the paper starts with freshness and personality. I feel like I know what the writer is like, in part at least. I thought you brought in the elements of Victorian literature, liberalism, and universities quite well. "Sharp" indeed.	Thanks for the praise and advice. This reviewer seemed to understand my paper the best.

Organization (Overall quality: 5.0 )

Reviewer	Comments	Back-Review
Reviewer 1	The organization of the paper itself was quite good. The quotes, ideas, and transitions are all integrated without any sort of confusion. There''s a clear introduction and conclusion, and the progression of ideas between the two is smooth and easily understood. Your one picture, for which I''m sure Bump will crucify you, is not directly referred to in the piece in any clear manner, so your audience is left to conjecture and assumption in that one regard, but that''s easily changed. Otherwise I didn''t see any glaring problems.	Good advice about the pictures because it wasn''''t something I focused on in my first draft.
Reviewer 2	The organization is good, but I would have liked to seen it structured more like this: They both…. Wilde…. Newman….your point of view. Otherwise, it reads like a history essay on Wilde (i.e. Wilde was part of the Aesthetic movement…..) whereas I would’ve wanted you to begin, “Wilde and Newman championed similar ideas in regards to the appreciation of art and education.” Also, you’re comparing art and education on similar playing fields- you might want to mention how they are different and what unites them.. more specifically. I like the paragraph that begins: Many aspects of Wilde’s writing center around the individual, which is not unlike the college experience. “ I had to re-read it a couple of times though, because I was unsure about writing center… you might want to find a different word to replace center… so it doesn’t sound like you know, a writing center. You might want to go back and add transitions – I marked some places that needed a “similarly,” and “in contrast..” Overall, you do a good job of paralleling the two men’s life goals. And I do see how art and education can be compared, I just think it’s missing one sentence elaborating on why you think they’re comparative. There’s only one picture – I hope you’re adding more. A picture of Newman would be nice as well. More pictures!	Really good idea about the topic sentence and organization of paragraphs. This reviewer gave the most help regarding syntax and grammar.
Reviewer 3	The organization was a bit all over the place. One thing that really caught my attention is that John Newton is not properly introduced, you just go straight into “Newton’s approach to education is similar…” without saying “John Newton’s approach to …” I also noticed that in the next sentence you call him “Newman” or were you referring to someone else, if you were then it’s very confusing and if you weren’t I’m sure it was a typo that was missed in the proof reading. I’m pretty sure you are talking about two different people, just be more clear on when you are introducing and ideal by one person versus another. There was only one picture without a caption, it’s purpose was obvious, to show Wilde, but I think you could have incorporated more photos.	Thanks for catching my unbelievably embarrassing mistake here. Also, thanks for the reminder about the pictures.
Reviewer 4	Only one picture, which is quite unfortunate, but it hardly needed more. Your words drive the point home. Everything is clean and succinct. Perhaps it just needs Wilde''s favorite piece of art? Or an example of the Aesthetic Movement? The introduction is very inviting, the conclusion, although short, still satisfying. Especially: "An important note about Wilde’s popularity is not just his ability to get others to follow him—he cultivated a way of life that was actually worth following". You wrap it up nicely here, that''s it, that''s the point.	I appreciate the praise in this reviewer''''s statements but my grade didn''''t exactly reflect how "clean and succinct" he/she thought it was.

Flow (Overall quality: 5.3 )

Reviewer	Comments	Back-Review
Reviewer 1	I feared, in the face of your many quotations, that the flow of the paper would suffer, but I was mistaken. The quotations most definately add to and assist in the flow of the actual narrative. The paper moves briskly along, with few grammatical or transitional errors to distract the reader from becoming engrossed in the actual dialogue. The flow was excellent, and the paper was quite enjoyable.	I wish I could''''ve known what the grammatical/transitional errors were so I could''''ve fixed them before getting the points taken off of my paper.
Reviewer 2	I mentioned in organization the need for more transitions. That’s easy to fix. To reiterate, some sentences are rather confusing – such as, Although he is technically considered a follower of the movement, he launched his own version of it in England” Huh? The title could definitely use some spice. You can surely have some fun with the “Wilde” pun, think about that. Some of the dashes might ought to be commas – ask a good grammar student. Overall, you parallel both heroes really well, and I think this is a good paper. You use the sources very well. If you fix a couple of the confusing/wordy sentences, you’re golden! Good job. (I think I put most of your "flow" comments in the other sections, but hey, they''re all related anyhow!	More good suggestions and advice from this reviewer, especially about the technical grammar stuff.
Reviewer 3	The flow of this paper was not very smooth, I found myself asking “what exactly is she trying to say?” or “I think this is what she’s getting at?” There were many awkwardly placed quotes; I honestly thought you had a paper full of quotes. The quotes are awesome, but I would like to hear more of how these quotes relate to your college experience. The punctuation forced awkward pauses in places where I thought there should not have been. The paper is good in the fact that it helped put ideas on paper and has started the process of the essay, but this essay does need a bit more refinement, and needs to be more centered on your college experience.	This reviewer criticized my paper (which I completely welcome!) so broadly that I didn''''t have much to work with. Just saying "refinement" and "punctuation" doesn''t give me anything solid to fix.
Reviewer 4	I would have given you a seven here if you had two more pictures applicable to your wonderful essay on Wilde. Every sentence had a purpose. No fluffy language. But I know Bump wanted more of a multi-media experience from the essay. I didn''t count the words, I thought everything was expressed sufficiently. Perhaps you should try adding a couple of very short sentences, just three or four words so the paper doesn''t get into too much of stale rhythm. There was also no usage of a semi colon, which is a lame criticism but you didn''t give me much. At this point it needs two pictures and a scrutinizing eye to see where the diction or syntax can be enhanced.	Good idea about the rhythm and varying sentence length--I definitely tried to fix that a bit. I wish this reviewer would've given me some harsher criticism, although I definitely appreciate the compliments.