Peer Suggestions
To improve our papers, Bump made us review each others' work and give suggestions. These are the suggestions my classmates made to me.
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Author: Carter, Lauren
Subject: It might seem boring that I've written so much on the subject of exams, but it's too important to actuaries to leave off.
Chris-
Your paper was very interesting and informative. Generally I would try to use less contractions, I think that always improves a paper.
As far as this sentence: It might seem boring that I've written so much on the subject of exams, but it's too important to actuaries to leave off.
You could say something like, All of this information on the subject of exams is overwhelming and possibly boring, but it is too important to actuaries to not explain.
Something like that, that leaves off narrating the thought pattern as you are writing...so easy to do when it's the middle of the night! I know!
Good job!
Lauren
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Author: Berchiatti, Amber
Subject: I'm a very technical person, and like many other technical people I don't have strong people skills, though it's something I'm always trying to improve.
hey chris, i liked your paper a bunch, and i will vote for you to get a few extra credit points. this is the only sentence that i found an error in, and it just needs a comma after "people."
I'm a very technical person, and like many other technical people I don't have strong people skills, though it's something I'm always trying to improve.
anyway, you paper was great, and good luck on the next exam.
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Author: Nash, Debra
Subject: If there's one thing I've learned in college, it's you have to adapt to survive.
Wow, working till 8:30, way to persevere. I bet caffeine was involved.
1) There should be a "that" after "it's" in the sentence.
2) You could expand on your essay by relating your pictures to it more.
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Author: Brzozowski, Libby
Subject: Re: I'm finally finished!
I agree with you that it takes leadership to motivate yourself to reach your goal. It also takes decision making, critical thinking, and problem solving to plan out how you are going to reach your goal, which are all leadership skills.
Change: "My other stretch goal is to stay motivated myself. As a leader I not only have to motivate others but motivate myself as well."
to
"My other stretch goal is to stay motivated. As a leader, I not only have to motivate others but I have to motivate myself as well."
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Author: Morgan, Natalie
Subject: The higher up the corporate ladder you are, the more influence you have and it becomes easier to make a difference.
The higher up the corporate ladder you are, the more influence you have and it becomes easier to make a difference.
Change the sentence to: The higher up the corporate ladder you are, the more leverage you have to make an impact on your peers. (or whatever subject you think it is important to influence)
I enjoyed your topic because I know nothing about you field of expertise. It is crazy that you have to take so many tests just to keep your job! Keep up the hard work and I know you will persevere.
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Author: Pham, Cindy
Subject: To transition from actuarial student to credentialed actuary, after college you must pass nine grueling professional exams, a process which takes, on average, nine years, though it can last anywhere from five years to fifteen years.
"To transition from actuarial student to credentialed actuary, after college you must pass nine grueling professional exams, a process which takes, on average, nine years, though it can last anywhere from five years to fifteen years. "
- Grammatically correct, buuuuuttt it's a tad comma happy and is somewhat distracting. Perhaps Break the sentence up into two? But just a suggestion because it works already.
"Looking forward it's hard for me to see the future because there are just so many variables. "
- Insert comma after 'forward'.
Thanks for the shoutout on the subject line B.C., and I'm not going to lie, I am a tad jealous that an actuarial science major is way better at grammar than I am.
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Author: Nguyen, Anh
Subject: Re: I'm finally finished!
Hey I think you had a real good paper and nice goals.
"The higher up the corporate ladder you are, the more influence you have and it becomes easier to make a difference."
If you want...you can elaborate on what kind of influence you may have in the future. And how that influence can help serve others or something.
Other than that, no big mistakes popped out at me. And good job for majoring in a um..less popular major! Good luck!
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Author: Kalin, Alana
Subject: "Looking forward it's hard for me to see the future because ..."
"Looking forward it's hard for me to see the future because ..."
Looking forward, it's hard for me to see the future because ...
- This may or may not be exactly what Professor Bump does not want us to do. But, it makes the sentence easier for me to read.
Also:
Why does a fellowship necessarily mean executive leadership positions, because you MUST be promoted upon successful completion? What about taking all of these exams makes a good leader?
Very interesting. Thank you chris!
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Author: Huddleston, Alexandra
Subject: For an actuarial student the exam track
For an actuarial student the exam track can be one of the worst things about the profession, but it can also be one of the best. To transition from actuarial student to credentialed actuary, after college you must pass nine grueling professional exams, a process which takes, on average, nine years, though it can last anywhere from five years to fifteen years. If you think life at the university is tough, imagine raising a family and working forty hours a week while trying to squeeze in four hundred study hours per exam session.
For an actuarial student, the exam track can be one of the worst and (italicize 'and') best things about this profession. To transition from actuarial student to credentialed actuary you must pass nine grueling professional exams after college. This is a process which takes, on average, nine years, though it can last anywhere from five years to fifteen years. If you think life at the university is tough, imagine raising a family and working forty hours a week while trying to squeeze in four hundred study hours per exam session.
DAMNNNNNNNNNN! At least you know the road you are heading, but it sounds crazy hard! I love how organized your paper looks, and the topic is really interesting since I don't know anything about your field. You need to go over each sentence and make things a little more simpler for better flow. Look at your punctuation to start with. :-)