Cindy Pham
15 October 2006
P1B – E375L
Where Passion Meets Leadership
I
remember the exact time in my life when I discovered my passion for reading. I
was in the second grade preparing for my elementary school's annual B.E.A.R.
night. This was an event where the students were locked-in the school and
played games all night, and the only requirement was that we had to read a
certain amount of pages in order to attend. My teacher, Mrs. Fox, handed me the
book Little House on the Prairie and that was all it took. From then on,
I just read more and more books until I ended up reading the most pages in my
entire elementary school. This moment in my life is so significant to me that I
remember it all vividly. I can recall the amount of pages I read, the award I
won, the classroom in which I read my books, and most of all, I remember how I
felt when I finished my first book.
A switch had been turned on, and I spent the next four years at the public library checking out book after book. This is the passion Walter Pater spoke of, “While all melts under our feet, we may well grasp at any exquisite passion, or any contribution to knowledge that seems by a lifted horizon to set the spirit free for a moment[1]…” Reading is an escape for me, because on a whim I can leave my sense of place behind and can travel anywhere and anytime I want.
The
only time I ever stopped reading was when I went to high school because the
pressures of fitting in made me feel ashamed of my hobby. There is a stigma attached to reading that make it seem “nerdy”
and “boring” and I was scared that I would be considered a nerd if people found
out I liked to read. So for the next two years I made it a point to stop
reading recreationally. This may seem like a long time but it was not that bad
because I would resume reading in the summers when school was not in session. I
also lapsed occasionally during the school year and somehow a book or two would
manage to get read despite my reluctance. What I did was very silly, but I
believe it to be an understandable mistake. High school is a place where
everyone wants to be popular, and to become popular you have to fit in with the
“cool” crowd.
I look back on what I did and I can see exactly where
my thinking was flawed. For one thing no one really cared about whether you
liked to read or not, since there were enough popular students in the advanced
classes to prevent intelligence and literacy from being perceived as a stigma.
I completely overlooked this factor and overreacted to my fear, but do not
worry I eventually figured it out – that is why I only stopped reading for two
years instead of the full four years of high school. Also, I should have known
that it is the people who do not care about what others think that end up
becoming cool. I do not really understand how this system works but some how it
does. When people try to be cool they try too hard and become annoying, but
when they do not try or seem to care they attract popularity – go figure. The
most important lesson I learned from this is that I should not have cared what
others thought at all; it was only high school after all.
In spite of the anti-literacy campaign I ran against myself, as Matthew Arnold states, “letters will not in the end lose their leading place. If they lose it for a time, they will get it back again. We shall be brought back to them by our wants and aspirations[2].” Arnold’s prediction turned out true in my situation because I could not stay away from my books for long. I eventually realized that there is nothing shameful about reading and quit fighting my passion. Holding back feelings has always been hard for me because I am extremely extroverted, so that when I decide to no longer restrain myself I instantly become more relaxed.
In spite of my passion for reading I had never thought of it as a career, because it was always just a hobby for me. So I went to college, majored in pre-pharmacy, and read in my free time to relax. It was not until the end of my sophomore year at college that I realized that I could turn my passion into a career. I was hesitant to change my major because my parents really wanted me to get a degree that would support me financially. I had to do as Thomas Caryle did and ask myself, “What art thou afraid of[3]?” What would I do if money was not an issue? I came up with the conclusion that being happy in life is more important than material items such as money. Hence, I took the metaphorical leap and made the decision to change my major regardless of what everyone said.
This was my
spiritual journey; I had found my truth, and it had set me free. 
In
The Pattern of Conversion Buckley writes, “The process of
Spiritual New-birth involved the crucial insight into a reality, human or
divine, beyond the old self-absorbed life. Through an intense intuition the soul
attained its ‘at-oneness’ with the objective truth of earth and heaven[4].”
It may not seem like a big deal to some, but choosing a major that does not
guarantee financial support over one that was bound to make me rich was a
daunting task. It went against everything my parents taught me because I was
raised to believe that with money comes happiness, so it was hard believing
that I could be happy just following my passions. In fact I am happy
since I no longer have to force myself to study subjects I care nothing about,
and I do not have to constantly tell myself that the torture will be over soon.
There are no countdowns anymore. The thought of taking more English courses
does not worry or frighten me, and if anything it appeals to me because I know
that no matter what I will be enjoying myself. I get to read amazing books and
plays and go to classes with people who want to talk about them – what could be
better than that?
With
my newfound freedom I let reading become more than just a hobby; it has moved
to the top of my priority list, instead of lurking near the bottom buried under
subjects that I do not care for. For example, this past summer I worked at a
geology lab in Houston, and I would read every day during my lunch hour and my
breaks. I went through so many books that my coworkers started teasing me about
reading too much. Nevertheless, I still kept reading and eventually created a
book club with the same coworkers that made fun of me for reading. It is an
amazing feeling to be able to get others to enjoy reading, especially when
these people were self-proclaimed book haters.
This is how I am a leader; I spread my love for reading to others just like I did at my summer job. I want to be a catalyst to others, just like my second grade teacher was for me. All it takes is for someone to discover a book they really love to start reading, so whenever I am with friends or family and they say something that reminds me of a book I have read, I recommend it to them. It is like Newman says, “thought they cannot pursue every subject which is open to them, they will be the gainers by living among those and under those who represent the whole circle[5].” Everyone is ignorant in the sense that we cannot know everything, but with help from others people can be enlightened. I can make a difference by sharing my passion with others, I have already influenced some people’s lives, and in turn I have added to Newman’s “whole circle.”
When people ask me the inevitable, “What are you going to do with an English degree? Teach?”, I usually just roll my eyes at them. Since in a way I do plan on teaching, just not in the way they mean. I want to teach people that reading is not something to be ashamed of; it is the opposite, something to be proud of. Kids can be cruel, and when they make fun of each other, they leave lasting scars. When kids ridicule others for reading it makes reading negative and can take years to overcome if at all. It has been easier with the introduction of books like Harry Potter, as kids are less hesitant about reading because it is starting to take on a better connotation. No one is going to make fun of someone who is reading the same book that they are reading, especially one that is so “cool” to read. This is why I think programs such as B.E.A.R night and R.A.B.D.A.R.G.A.B. should be institutionalized nation-wide. R.A.B.D.A.R.G.A.B. is an acronym for the phrase: “Read a book, do a report, get a buck.” In the 1990’s, the Houston independent school district launched this program in an effort to increase literacy. I could not find a lot of information on the program, but I do believe that it had an impact on the generation that grew up with it. Ask anyone who grew up in Houston what R.A.B.D.A.R.G.A.B. is and they will be able to tell you all about it.
These programs will not only help other people find a passion for books, but they will help change the connotation of the term reading. The first time I ever really met a group of people who liked to read was when I started taking my upper-division English classes. This is not really surprising since we are for the most part all English majors, so of course everyone is going to like books. However, I believe the main reason why there are so few literature lovers is that schools spend most of their time stressing the importance of TAKS and do not make it their priority to teach about literature. If you were to look at a time line, programs such as R.A.B.D.A.R.G.A.B. died out around the same time that TAAS and TAKS started becoming more important. Coincidence? I think not. At this point in my life, I am not sure what steps will be needed to reinstall these programs but I plan on trying to figure it all out. In the meantime, I will dream of a literate America where this passion for reading can be found in people whose careers and majors are not related to the field of English.
Even though I have found a truth it does not mean that I do not have more truths to find; I am only twenty after all. I expect to have many more of “the experiences and changes, the turning points, triumphs and crashes, dark nights and mountain peaks we each have traversed to become the kind of person we are[6].” Due to the truth that I have found however, I am happier than I have ever been because I am confident and secure in who I am. You can see this reflected from my extroverted and quirky personality. I have learned that it does not matter what anyone else thinks, and that I should just be myself and not try to hide my identity from others.
There will undoubtedly be more obstacles to overcome in my journey through life, but until then I shall keep working to fulfill my dreams. My friends often ask me why I buy my books instead of just checking them out from the library, and my response to them is always the same: "I am working on my own library." My biggest dream is to have a library with floor-to-ceiling shelves that are so high that you need a ladder to reach the top books. I have been working on this dream since the sixth grade, and I am hoping that by the time I have my own home I will have enough books to fulfill this goal.
P1A Word count: 1,721
P1A Word count without quotes: 1554
Words deleted from P1A: 29
Words added to P1A: 398
P1B Word count: 2090
P1B Word count without quotes: 191
P1B url:
https://webspace.utexas.edu/cnp96/E375%20P1B%20-%20hard%20copy.htm