The
Insatiable Quest for Knowledge
It is difficult to
limit the abundant list of passions that rush at my mind, when prompted to do
so, and even more difficult to reduce my list to one. I have a passion for
life. It is one gigantic and personal journey that we individually craft and
construct with each decision made. Most importantly, I have a passion for
family and for love. They are the two most important components in my life that
I would willingly sacrifice everything for. Then, I have passions for chocolate,
salsa music, incredibly abstract authors, culture, shooting stars, soothing
melodies from vibrating piano strings, delicious food, and knowledge. However,
my all-consuming passion in life is my desire for knowledge. This passion is my
inner quest for reflection, self-enlightenment, and my identification with the
world. I want to learn all that I possibly can in my granted time here on
Earth. My mind is expectant and I am ready.
I
believe my passions must have stemmed from the intellectual encouragement that
my mother promoted throughout my childhood. She always surrounded me with great
novels and projects to finish when school was out for the summer, and
emphasized the importance of learning in life. I was told constantly that no
knowledge is wasted knowledge or a waste of time, as it can be applied to life
both in learning more about oneself and the world. I began to view the dreary
topics in school as an opportunity to learn interesting new things instead of a
Òwaste of timeÓ and began to seek out captivating topics within mundane and
boring, yet required, classes. I was surprised how fast I began to look forward
to discovering this new interesting aspect within a lackluster subject and
would report it readily to my mother at the end of the day. Learning for me was
a way to make my days productive and eventful and it provided a means of
intellectual bonding between our developing relationship. She became the
sustenance of my passion for knowledge, as she was the one who opened my eyes
to the possibilities in the world.
My
first step into my own independent search for knowledge began when my mother
allowed me to find out on my own if Catholicism was indeed the spiritual path
for me. By forgoing the tradition of a Catholic confirmation, my mother let me
know that she respected my personal decisions and acknowledged my own desire
for a personal enlightenment through discovering different religions and
beliefs. The challenge of discovery and learning presented itself on a deeper
and more intimate level in terms of religion and has stayed within me to this
day.
I always felt as
though it was important for me to seek out whether I believed things because
they struck some chord within my soul or if I was passively going along with
what was fed to me. The pursuit of my spirituality has enhanced the way I look
at the world now, as I can begin to see the different belief systems and view
points within other cultures with a lighter heart and still hold true to my own
convictions. This open-minded
research of spirituality has given me the Òfreedom to survey other countries,
other centuries, other traditions, and to choose those I like best and thus
develop my own character.Ó 1 I still
feel the need to encounter new beliefs and different cultures to open my mind,
my heart, and my understanding of humanity. The knowledge of spirituality has
become my own Òannihilation of
selfÓ 2 as the greater picture of God and the
world breaks down my egocentric and sometimes very myopic view of life. Through
my awareness of God, I am reminded of the sacredness of the lives of all men
and women who live in this world today. It is in my times of spiritual
reflection and self ÒannihilationÓ that I really do begin to live fully and to
appreciate the possibilities that life can offer. My "annihilation",
however, is not a severe breakdown of my being, but instead, an opening of my
eyes to all that surrounds me. The stars become more vivid and are no longer
ignored, as the beauty of nature becomes all the solace oneÕs heavy heart could
ever need. I was finally opened to the wonder of self-discovery through my
spiritual quest and learned to value different information and knowledge. I
learned that I was in control of my intellectual and spiritual enlightenment
and this was the beginning of my ever-growing curiosity.
The
next step in my development of my intellectual passion began with my greatly
anticipated graduation of high school and within my intimidating entrance into
college. I experienced Òconsciousness of mental enlargementÓ3 significantly upon my arrival at the
University of Texas, where all the comforts and sheltering aspects of home
could not reach me. It was time to really open and ÒcultivateÓ my mind so that
I too would become an effective member of society and mankind. I now needed to sharpen my skills so
that I would leave my mark and make a difference in the world for others. My
introduction to upper division classes finally proved to be the necessary
intellectual stimulant I had searched for: a greater focus on English
literature. But first I needed to learn a critical knowledge: self-awareness.
It was at the
university that my enthusiasm and drive for learning revived after a despairing
time of doubt. I began to question my own ability for becoming a professor
during my first two semesters at the awe-inspiring university and began to feel
inadequate and small. My transition from a small comforting town to a massive
and crowded city campus coincided with a severe onslaught of illness and
frustration. Newly diagnosed with Crohns disease/ Ulcerative colitis and far
from home, I began to feel unprepared for the stress of classes and living away
from my family and doctor. My grades slowly began to decline and started to
consume my attention and I began to doubt my abilities to succeed. It was then
that the pressures of feeling insignificant began to tear away at my ultimate
goal of becoming an English scholar and my hope began to wane. I did not know
where to go, what to focus on, or what to do. I had lost my own sense of self
within my search for knowledge and needed to refocus on who I was in my quest,
because my role as an inexperienced and struggling to adapt undergraduate
student began to take control. My self-awareness was severely limited and I
needed to get into tune with who I really was outside of my status of a
student. Ram Dass explained perfectly, ÒIf any of these roles are who we think
we are—social worker, therapist, mother—whatÕs left when they fall
away? ÔWhereÕs the rest of me?ÕÓ 4
I slowly awoke to
my own personal identity through the gentle yet passionate teachings of Mia
Carter, English Professor of Viginia Woolf and British Studies at the
University of Texas. She too was undergoing a struggle with a new diagnosis and
understood that I was a person as well as a student. It was the first time that
I felt significant within the thousands of students on campus and I realized
that this professor was passionate about teaching her material as well as
helping her students improve. I had found the highest quality of a professor,
and a friend. Unlike my previous
experience with professors, Mia Carter reached out on a human level to her
students with personal guidance and an empathetic heart. She integrated the
reality of humanity and emphasized the importance of society within her
lectures and literature analysis and I became enthralled with her methods of
involving individual student contributions into the class discussion and
analysis. We were asked to think for ourselves and to search deeper into the
context of the literature as well as to acknowledge the author as a person. I
learned more about how the violent history of two world wars and a history of
mental illness impacted Virginia WoolfÕs work and could fully appreciate and
understand how she helped to bring about a new genre of modern literature. This
new method of reading and learning influenced me as I became the passionate
knowledge seeker once more. I had found a way to apply what I learned to my
experiences, to reflect on my life and to try and understand the significance
of the knowledge I acquired in a more intimate way. I was no longer simply
learning and regurgitating information, but loving and gripping new wisdom with
a revived spirit. Knowledge was now the medium to my self-discovery and
expanding enlightenment and I was ready to fulfill my passion for knew
information and wisdom.
From my readings
of Dante to my analysis of Virginia Woolf, I discovered more about myself and
about the world, as I was introduced to new and interesting histories, images,
and psychology. I trekked though the inner ditches of Hell with Virgil5 and delved into the convoluted obsession
between Paul and Gertrude Morel6 as my
mind grew plump with new ideas and inspirations. This newly found intense
interest in English literature helped to create my goal of Òthe cultivation of
the intellect, as an end which may reasonably be pursued for its own sake.Ó7 Like John Henry Newman I have found a
lasting desire and respect for self-improvement through the acquisition of
knowledge. Knowledge has now become Òan acquired illumination, it is a habit, a
personal possession, and an inward endowment.Ó8
Constant curiosity is a challenge to bend my mind around topics and subjects I
never may have known before and to open my eyes to new and informative facts.
My time spent studying within my university
settings exposed me to the company of other intellects also in the quest for
knowledge and empowered my spirits and hopes. Being in the company of other
determined English majors and university scholars fired up my intellectual
drive and influenced my ultimate career choices. I decided that I really never
wanted to stop learning and wanted to remain amongst other knowledge-driven
friends and colleagues. This discovery of the value of place reminded me of
Alan GussowÕs important quotation, Òwe require support for our spirits, and
this is what certain kinds of places provide.Ó 9
The university has become my pivotal place that nurtures and motivates my
passion with itÕs great mixture of architecture, culture, and peaceful reading
havens tucked away near the turtle ponds.
I never want to leave it. I have finally discovered my own individual
path in life and discovered in the words of Joseph Campbell, Òfollow your bliss
and donÕt be afraid, and doors will open where you didnÕt know they were going
to be.Ó10 Once I finally acknowledged my ultimate
career choice of becoming a professor, life became much more joyous. I found
not only pieces of myself but also that my passion would be integrated into my
future.
My lasting passion
for knowledge has led me on an exciting path of self-discovery and personal
enlightenment. Through this path I have maintained the ideal belief that
through knowledge and learning, I may enrich my life and experiences to come. I
do strongly believe that Òthe heart is commonly reached, not through the
reason, but through the imagination, by means of direct impressions, by the
testimony of facts and events, by history, by description. Persons influence
us, voices melt us, looks subdue us, deeds inflame usÓ 11 and I hope to one day become the source
of motivation for knowledge and curiosity for my future students and scholars.
I will pass the torch of curiosity for learning and try to ignite and broaden
the minds of future generations to the passion of the acquisition of wisdom. I
am ready.
362 added words
113 words omitted
Word Count: 2033
Quotation Word Count: 150
Total Word Count Without Quotation: 1,883