Mali in Wonderland

Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland is filled with experiences that many college students can relate to.  I feel that several chapters in particular apply to my own experiences at the University of Texas.  As my college life draws to an end, I feel it is appropriate to take a look back at my journey through Wonderland.

Down the Rabbit-Hole/ The Pool of Tears

When I first arrived at the University of Texas at Austin, after having spent my first year and a half of college at the University of Texas at Arlington, I thought I had it all figured out.  I was an education major, and I was going to be a teacher, or so I thought.  While walking across campus I came across a little bottle labeled “DRINK ME.”[1]  As I drank from the bottle, I came to the sudden realization that there were many things I could choose to do besides being a teacher. 

There were so many interesting prospects once I was at U.T.  All of a sudden I didn’t have it all figured out.  This was a scary feeling, but it was exciting as well.  Much as Alice “thought that she was now the right size for going through the little door into that lovely garden,”[2]  I thought that in having no particular direction I was in the right frame of mind to find my calling.  I stumbled around for a while pondering my prospects.  While I wandered around the university, I investigated some of the many options available to me. Eventually wandering began to wear on me.  I soon became dissatisfied with drifting along in no particular direction. Not long after I found a cake labeled “EAT ME”[3] and discovered the prospect of becoming a physical therapist. 

Once more, I thought I had everything figured out.  I was beginning to feel that I was becoming an adult and that I had made a decision regarding my future. However, the feeling was not long lived.  Although I had chosen a path, I soon found that it was not the path for me.  Finding the hard sciences somewhat daunting, I learned very quickly to stick to the liberal arts. I discovered that I was in over my head, and I was still being denied admission into the garden.  I was lost again, and the key to my future was still out of my reach.[4]  In many ways I am still on the other side of the garden door trying to find my way in.  I keep repeating the process of growing larger and smaller, finding a path only to change it again.  Though I have settled on a major and have committed myself to it, I still have no idea what my future holds.  Although this process is frustrating, I have confidence that I will eventually find my way, as Alice finds herself “at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.”[5]   

Advice from a Caterpillar

Throughout my college experience I have been asked a question.  The question is that asked of Alice by the Caterpillar, “Who are You?”[6]  Alice’s response is quite similar to my own. She answers “I—I hardly know, Sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”[7]  This relates to how I felt when I first arrived at U.T.  I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life, but apparently I was mistaken.  This quote especially relates to the question asked by advisors, “What do you want to do?” Much like Alice, I usually respond with “I don’t know, I used to want to….” and the conversation goes on from there. I really have no idea what I want to do with my life.  I have changed my mind many times and will probably change it again.

“Who are You?”[8] is also a question I have asked myself many times. The answer is always changing.  The process of self discovery is difficult, and it is something that is always going on. Much as Alice’s height is constantly changing, as I learn about the world around me my sense of self is ever changing.  I suppose this is a good thing in that adaptation is always a useful skill, however, it makes it difficult sometimes to know where you should be.

The Caterpillar also asks Alice, “Are you content now?”[9]  This is a question I ask myself often, though an answer is not always easy to reach.  I find myself debating this idea when I am trying to make a decision about where my life is to go. It is this question that led Alice to admit that she “should like to be a little larger… three inches is such a wretched height to be.”[10] Much as Alice, this question prompts me think about how I truly feel about my current situation. When I changed my major to English, I asked myself if I was content. My answer was, “No, but I am more content than I was before.” Most likely I will never be content, but asking the question is important.  It is a good way to evaluate how satisfied I am in my decisions.  Perhaps being truly content would be more of a curse than a blessing.  If I were completely content I would have nothing left to reach for.

When confronted with Alice’s desire to grow taller, the Caterpillar advises Alice that “One side will make you grow taller, and the other will make you grow shorter.”[11]  Alice proceeds to eat a piece from one side of the mushroom, then the other, attempting to find a balance.  This is much like my experience during my freshman year of college.  I plowed ahead joining lots of organizations and participating in lots of activities. I also took on a new job as well as carrying a full course load. This worked out fine for a while but eventually I too had to strike a balance.  I was becoming overwhelmed. Eventually I found somewhat of a happy medium between school and everything else. I felt much like Alice when she was attempting to find a height somewhere in between three inches and thirty feet high.  Overall, finding balance may be one of the hardest things to achieve while in college and even beyond college, in life.

Pig and Pepper (The Cheshire Cat)

While as students we are obligated to meet with our college advisors every semester, my experience with these advisors has not been a very good one.  I have found them to be much like the Cheshire Cat.  In Alice in Wonderland the conversation goes like this:

Alice: “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

Cat: “That depends a great deal on where you want to get to.”

Alice: “I don’t much care where—”

Cat: “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

Alice: “—so long as I get somewhere.”

Cat: “Oh you’re sure to do that if only you walk long enough.”[12]

This dialogue is reminiscent of many conversations I have had with advisors and other adults. The scene always played out the same way: I walk into an office or room and have a seat, waiting patiently for someone to speak with me.  I explain that I feel lost and need assistance. I am then given a blanket answer. When asking for guidance as to picking a major I was consistently given the response, “It doesn’t matter just get a degree in something.”  I was always, and still am frustrated by this comment.  When looking for guidance this kind of response is hardly helpful, much as the Cheshire Cat’s responses were of little help to Alice. 

            Not only is the advice to “just get a degree” not helpful, it is also incorrect.  While there are many jobs that any degree will work for, many jobs require a specialized education or at least a focus in a specific area.  There are also graduate school programs that different majors prepare you better for than others.  Much of this information I found out on my own, since this information was not offered by those attempting to advise. So while advice may be given in good spirit it may not necessarily be good advice. 

            On the other hand, the Cheshire Cat’s words are true. However, the Cheshire’s words are less than helpful.  This has also been the case in some of my experiences.  While the advice may be true, it really does no one any good to state the obvious. Yet, when someone doesn’t want to take the time to talk, this is usually what they resort to.  I have to say that I am probably guilty of using this tactic myself, but in all honesty it really is pointless and a waste of breath.  Perhaps students would be better served by advisors that truly want to help them find a direction.  I would have appreciated this a great deal more than just receiving help related to class requirements.

 In defense of the advisors, they have many students to see.  To expect them to take the time to help each and every student find a calling is completely unreasonable.  However, there are people on campus who do have the time to help students with finding a direction.  These helpful people are primarily located in the counseling and career services offices.  I found these people on my own, but I feel that the academic advisors could help students out by referring them to the offices of people who could be of use to them.

The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill

            This chapter leads me to think of my trips home since I have been in college.  In this chapter Alice goes into the rabbit’s house and takes a drink from a bottle.[13]  She then begins to grow larger until she has quite outgrown the house.  After being away at school and only going home every once in a while, I began to feel a bit like Alice, “It was much pleasanter at home when one wasn’t always growing larger and smaller…”[14]  Once I had been away from home for a while, it just didn’t feel like my home anymore.  I had created a new “home” around myself at school.  I really did feel that I had outgrown the home of my childhood.

            While growing up, much of my sense of place was based on my feelings of home.  As a child I was raised in an environment largely influenced by my mother and father. As I grew up and moved away I realized that there was much more to the world than my family and my home.  My sense of place had expanded to include much more of the world around me.  I was free to experience whatever I wished.  While away from home I was surrounded by new people and new opportunities. All of this contributed to the feeling that I had outgrown my home.  My sense of place, much like my sense of self, is ever changing and growing with every new place I experience.    Perhaps Alice would feel the same way after returning home from her incredible journey.

A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale

            The scene of the caucus race reminds me of college in general.  “…they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over.”[15]  Yes, the caucus race is a bit absurd, but I really do like the principle of it.  There are many people I have come across that become obsessed with some aspect of college.  This may be achieving insanely high grades, finishing as quickly as possible, or a myriad of other things.  But when it comes down to it, everyone is running their own race.  Some may begin college, find something else they want to and drop out to pursue that endeavor instead.  Others may begin in the workplace and discover that they want to obtain a degree in the field they already work in.  There are many varying scenarios and none can be said to be better or worse than any other for that particular person.

 It took me a while to come to this conclusion, but the only person I need compare myself to is me. I think it is entirely appropriate that when asked “But who has won?” the Dodo replies “Everybody has won…”[16] At the end of my college career, on graduation day when I walk across the stage, I will be thinking about my experience and what I have accomplished and not about anyone else and whether or not they have done better than I.  All I can hope is that I will have gotten the most out of my own individual experience in college.

The things I have experienced and have gotten out of college are priceless.  It doesn’t matter whether I finish first or one hundred and twenty first in my class, it won’t change what I have gotten out of my venture into college life.

No Chapter in Particular

            In addition to these particular chapters, my experience in college has been much like Alice’s journey through wonderland.  Over the past three and a half years I have encountered a great number of strange creatures and perhaps even mad ones.  I have come across them as fellow students with strange eccentricities, religious fanatics blowing their trumpets and condemning me to hell on the West Mall, random bizarre people walking down the street (any one living in Austin knows of the people I speak of) and of course professors (perhaps I am in the presence of the Mad Hatter[17] this very semester).

            In addition to the strange creatures I have come into contact with, I have also met those people that remind me of the Red Queen.[18]  People who remind me of the Red Queen are those with whom it is impossible to argue. They are the ones that refuse to admit that they could possibly be wrong.  I have also encountered those who are rather like the members of the mad tea party.  These are the people I’ve come across who make it impossible to carry on a normal conversation.  They do this by asking any number of absurd questions or providing answers to my questions in the most round about way imaginable.

I’ve learned a great deal since I’ve been in college and not just in academics but in life as well.  I’ve had a few adventures and hope to have a great many more. All in all I’ve come out of my college experience alive, although maybe a little drowsy, as Alice waking from her curious dream.[19]