In class writings and images

Comments on Zuleika Dobson

1. What temptations have distracted you from focusing on academics here at U.T.? In other words, who or what has been your Zuleika?

I transferred to U.T. as a junior with almost three years of work left for my degree. Since the week that I moved to Austin, I have been completely and honestly distracted by my boyfriend. We started dating my first semester here and the effect on my studies has been steady. Although I manage to keep up with my homework and my full time job, I can honestly admit that he is my Zuleika. Without him, I am almost positive I would have a better GPA, but I would be completely unhappy as well. In a way, he has also been my Duke in that I believed that he alone "was the youth who would not bow down" before me (28). I think that love and passion, as I said in my fourth journal, are extremely alluring to someone with ambition. I have always been driven to succeed alone, and nothing could stop me except the diversions of falling in love. This situation also applies to Jude in how he loses sight of his ambitions because of Sue and Arabella.

2. How does the representation of groups or cliques among the undergraduates at Oxford, fit your experience of U.T.? Who are the equivalent here of the Duke, Noaks, Oover, the Dons, etc.?

I have very little experience of people on campus other than the few individuals that I interact with in class, but I agree with the interpretations of cliques and frats posted thus far. Although most people see the Duke as an extreme snob, I can somewhat sympathize with his character in how Zuleika dupes him. She is ultimately not worth the sacrifice that he makes, but he lives up to his honor and drowns. The dramatic qualities of the novel remind me of a philosophical club of which that I used to attend. Duke sees himself as being extremely important in society, but risks his sense of self for Zuleika's approval. Noaks reminds me of the shy, industrious student that most people look up to in class. Despite losing to the Duke academically, Noaks can see through his egotism and sees "the Duke as a rather pathetic figure, on the whole" (41). Although the Duke sees him as a target for condescension, Noaks seems to be more aware of his feelings and himself than Duke. I prefer Noaks; his sniveling nature of always being second behind the Duke, even in love for Zuleika, brings humor and sympathy to the story.

3. When have you felt like an outsider here, that is, like Oover or Noaks? What was U.T.'s response to your sense of yourself as an outsider?

I generally feel like Noaks appears to feel in the beginning of his interactions with the Duke and Zuleika. I go to class, study, and try my best but never quite make "first place." In my first few semesters here, I was very bitter towards my friends who did not have jobs and had their parents pay rent. I have learned to hold my own and not be jealous of others, but the difficulty is still present throughout my college career. I don't think that U.T. has made a response to my sense of being an outsider, but I do feel that it is normal to be an "outsider" at school. There are thousands of students here struggling just as I am in their own way. I have been lucky to keep my head up and stay away from trouble, drinking, and other typical college distractions. In fact, I would say I prefer to be the outsider even if it means I fight with feelings of failure once in a while. When I graduate, I will already have the knowledge that I can fully support myself and find stability living alone because I have been doing it for several years.

4. What are the U.T. equivalents of the imposing architecture, traditions, and crew races at Oxford?

While I generally avoid anything that involves sports, I know that my father would insist I answer: football. U.T. has a longstanding tradition of football games, songs, passions, and even obsessions with longhorns. None of it interests me to be completely honest, but the Oxford crew races are similar to football games in that some girls go only to be seen by others. Sporting events are social events here, involving all the things I prefer to avoid: noise, cheap booze, jocks, cheerleaders, and sweat. I'll pass, even if it makes me sound like an old lady. I do love the architecture on campus. The Mediterranean buildings remind me of being in Barcelona on La Rambla; the buildings at Oxford are very historical and European in nature as well. Having a setting in which to base your studies not only helps create a sense of place, but also enriches the traditions of the university itself. Just as "the scent of the [untenanted] meadows' moisture was the scent of Oxford," the smells of freshly cut grass and Parlin Hall help me to recognize my environment at U.T.

5. How does your experience of the weight of the past embodied in those traditions and buildings compare to that of the Oxford students and to that of the faculty in both places?

I agree with Andrew when he says that the presence of U.T. is not as strong as Oxford's simply because of age, but I do still feel the "weight of the past" while walking on campus. The trees that line the courtyards and the marbled floors echo of past generations of scholars. The sunken stairs in Parlin also help me to feel particularly small as a person at U.T. I am just another English major walking up and down the hall, soon to retreat to my unclear future. I imagine that at Oxford, most students find themselves emboldened or honored by the architecture. The centuries-old spires reach toward the sky with almost timeless ambition. My idealistic eyes find a few roadblocks when scanning the campus; as we discussed in class, many of the buildings do not seem to fit with the architectural theme. Nevertheless, I do like this campus and its buildings. The University of North Texas is an eyesore, so enjoy what you have!

6. How much do we share in the tradition of chivalry, courtly love, romance, etc. being satirized in the novel?

I do not feel that many students are chivalrous towards others, but I do often see people nestled away in the grass like lovers on a Parisian park bench. Most people move in and out of class like ants, head down, and cigarette in hand. I think the most polite gesture I see on a day to day basis is someone holding a door for another person. The distant, cold nature of this university is to be expected simply based on size. I had never heard about Farrah Fawcett until Heather's post. I imagine that many frat/sorority houses have courtly dances and fancy romance traditions, but I have been far removed from any such traditions.

7. What role do the illustrations play in this novel and in the Alice books?

When reading Zuleika Dobson, I often feel that the illustrations help to show what Beerbohm imagines Zuleika to look like. It is hard to imagine her any other way since the reader's view of her beauty is defined by his images. I think the pictures of Zuleika and the Duke help to show that their characters are cartoonish and larger than life; Beerbohm does not intend for their descriptions to seem completely realistic or face value. For instance, the portrait of Zuleika (pg 163) shows her bosom sinking into an impossibly thin waist. She appears almost as tall as the page, taking up the center of attention, with a dress that makes her look like a paper doll.

Comments on Alice in Wonderland

1. In the early scenes of Alice in Wonderland, Alice meets a crowd of creatures including an owl, a Dodo, a mouse, and other birds. Alice ventures into Wonderland without anything to protect herself; she has nothing other than a box of comfits and a thimble. This scene reminds me of the irony of college life. As an undergraduate, I have given my last dollar to the university, only in the hopes that the money will eventually be returned through the medium of a career. "Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but [the creatures] all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble" (33). The seriousness and tradition of university ceremonies often seems silly and disconnected from student life, but ultimately means something more than a piece of paper or a thimble, both being symbols of little monetary value.

2. When Alice encounters the puzzling caterpillar, he asks her to examine her image of herself. Alice feels so disoriented and that she says she can hardly know who she is. Being in a new environment keeps Alice from feeling confident about her identity; she feels she is not only lost physically, but also emotionally. Everything is confusing and backwards in her eyes-she has practically walked right into my entire college experience. She notes: "I ca'n't explain myself, I'm afraid Sir, because I'm not myself, you see" (47). The best advice the caterpillar can muster is that Alice should mind her temper. Being in a new place not only forces me to examine my scenery, but also encourages me to ask myself how the place changes me. Being at UT not only puts me in a certain mood, but changes the way that I see the world outside of UT. Alice begins to see the real world differently after returning from her dream of Wonderland.

3. Reading "Jabberwocky" again reminded me of being in middle school. My interpretation of the poem has changed since I was that young, but I clearly remember my teacher explaining how Carroll doctored words together for a stronger effect. The first time I read the poem, it was apart from the frame story of Alice's adventures. Coming back the poem helps to illustrate that college often makes use of subjects that are already familiar, but allows me to reinterpret the work and how it has changed in my mind.

4. On several occasions, Alice becomes confused by characters who misspeak. When she challenges the speaker, he/she usually replies with impertinence and (as the Mock Turtle says in Chapter 10): "I mean what I say" (105). Humpty Dumpty plays the same game with Alice in the subsequent story. The haughtiness and lofty sense of language reminds me of being a freshman and feeling quite alien in the English world. Although many students know vocabulary more than others, I often feel that students misuse words in class in order to impress a professor. The snobbism of language is right up my alley, but it is always ironic to hear someone mispronounce a huge word or use it wrongly. "With what porpoise?" indeed (105).

5. Within the chapter "Looking Glass Insects," Alice decides that: "Of course the first thing to do was to make a grand survey of the country she was going to travel through. 'It's something very like learning geography,'" (168). Not only is coming to UT scary in that the university itself is a large institution, but also because the school occupies an even larger amount of space. Learning the geography and the demographics of the university presents an additional challenge. The people that occupy the university, such as professors and students, vary just as the geography does.

6. When Alice is trapped in the garden and wants to get to the top of a hill, she walks toward the hill and finds herself back at the house over and over. Carroll describes the phenomenon: "A little provoked, she drew back, and, after looking everywhere for the Queen (whom she spied out at last, a long way off), she thought she would try the plan, this time, of walking in the opposite direction. It worked beautifully" (161). Sometimes trying to find the way to good grades seems backwards, confusing, or reversed. Hard work, studying, and following directions is not always enough. Sometimes it is more important to a teacher that a paper to be written in an unconventional manner. The ongoing challenge of interpreting a teacher's expectations is easily paralleled to the expectations of the Queen and the navigation of Wonderland.

Nature on Campus

Lines Written in Memorial Gardens

With haste, the water lilies grow
Anchored deep below the grass,
While tadpoles and fish swim below
Unaware of those who pass.

Gentle breezes stir a floret
From a wide-mouthed silent song;
Pollen passes to her daughter
By a bee who moves along.

While leaflets glow with green sunlight,
Minnows drink droplets of air;
Autumn winds bring leaves flight
As students pass without care.

What with all the withered vines,
I see Earth grow smaller still;
The aim of life as She defines
Lies inside patience's skill.

As Arnold would have greater said,
Clarity for hectic days
Is found within a pond or bed,
Not far removed: the rat's maze.

Littlefield House

View Illustration

Taniguchi Garden

In his statement, "The Spirit of the Garden," Isamu Taniguchi states that he aims to create a symbol of tranquility, as well as an "embodiment of the peaceful coexistence of all the elements of nature" (492). Immediately upon approaching the Taniguchi Garden, a word rushed to my mind: ceremony. I have only been to two other Japanese gardens in my life, one of which was a national park in Arkansas, and the other being a small garden built by the hands of a Denton, Texas homeowner. Images of the latter garden reappeared in my mind, flooding my thoughts with memories and warmth. By allowing myself to witness these feelings and memories without latching onto them, I feel that the Taniguchi garden became an even more peaceful place for me to explore.

The elements of nature, including plants, animals, humans, air, water, and rock, all coexist within the realm of the garden. Stirred by the beauty of the arrangement of the ponds and trees, I begin to remember being younger near the Japanese garden in Denton. Before my mother died, she used to take my baby sister and I to a Native American ceremony each month. We would clean and honor the garden before our ceremony under the sky. The garden in Denton was much the same as Taniguchi's, characterized by beautiful fish, subtle sculptures, bamboo, and organized rocks. Being near the water immersed my mind in the calming and spiritually cleansing feelings that I have felt in the past. The garden invokes a sense of stillness and carefree serenity, even as the cars zoom by on Barton Creek behind walls of bamboo.

The chill of late autumn has scattered leaves into the pools below, but the koi fish continue to swim with lively curiosity. The trees are beginning to turn, darkening and reddening before moving on to their next place. Tiny minnows swim upstream along the tributaries of the ponds, slowly fighting the water which sweeps them into another body of water. The plants and animals of the garden travel silently through the almost surreal stillness of the garden. Peace surrounds.

I am alone in the garden on beautiful, sunny afternoon. After winding around the paths and taking photographs, I sit down to have a moment to relax. I brought a book of Snyder's poems to read beneath the green canopies of plants. I read, watch the birds fly in formation over the trees, and remember the memorial ponds on campus. The water lilies are sleeping now, waiting quietly for the spring. I enjoy the garden, letting words and sensory pulses glide along in my mind without tension or expectation.

I took a photograph by Mother Tree and thought too of my mother and how she was a guiding voice in my youth. The garden brings a sense of resolution and relief to my mind and I leave slowly, full of thoughts and few words, to think about my life and the beauty of nature.