November 7, 2006

College Idealism

 

 

College. The best years of your life; the most fun, free time you'll have; a time when students are free to explore and experience life in all its different flavors; the laytime in between childhood and the real world; the only time in your life when your parents are paying for you to have a good time. College is also a time in your life when you form relationships for life, some meet their future spouses, and most transform from children into adults through self-realization and subsequent actualization. In high school, I was constantly told how great college is; how exciting, liberating, and absolutely phenomenal college is compared to high school. After being a college student (whatever that means) for a few months now, I can't say that everything I was told and was hoping for have been realized, in regards to college.

 

In the final issue of our school newspaper I even wrote an article, a dedication, to the class of 2006. I discussed how college proffered this amazing opportunity to wipe a clean slate, begin anew, and portray whoever you wanted to or hoped to be. In college, you had no ropes tying you to the person you were and students had a chance to start over, in every sense of the word. But, who do you want to portray? What kind of persona do you want to assume? College presents students with so many opportunities, choices, and liberties that it can often become daunting or overwhelming as to what or pursue. At least, that’s how I felt. I think like most of my peers, I was excited, nervous, scared, anxious, about coming to college.

 

I think I had senioritis since the first day of freshman year in high school--I didn't stop working, but I was definitely ready to get out before it even began. Throughout junior and senior year of high school, I was sure that college would be this amazing world, where students were protected from the harsh real world inside a bubble. I expected to have fun, to be carefree, to take interesting classes, to explore myself and my ambitions, to live, laugh, and love. Essentially, I expected to become someone I wasn't. Somehow subconsciously I was sure that all the issues, doubts, and insecurities that held me back in high school would somehow disappear and cease from haunting me once I was in a new environment, with new people, that would induce a new frame of mind within me. I most definitely received a painful reality check once I finally arrived in college. I think I had subconsciously built up some idealistic impression of what college should be like, instead of just waiting to experience it. Life In Hardy’s own words, my idealism versus reality was “one of ‘life’s little ironies’” (Hardy, Bump 646).

 

Once I finally stopped "should-ing" ("I should be having the best time of my life...I should be studying...I should do this...I should do that") and just listened to myself and what I wanted to do, I finally loosened up a little and realized that college is really what you make of it. Unlike Jude, my dreams aren’t yet broken and “the conventions of Bildingsroman” do apply traditionally, in that “the university” couple with the city will serve “as background for the formation of character” (Oxford in English Literature, Bump 636). Yes, I'm here to learn about the world around me, the world within me, and how the two world will intertwine, but I'll do it at my own pace and it'll happen when I'm ready. For now, I think I'll just try to live each day, enjoy the journey, and see where life takes me.