Pallavi Shankar
 
Pallavi, your paper is truly the apple to my paper's orange. I really enjoyed your argument for the reestablishment of the Spanish architecture in addition to the hailed return of the Collegiate Gothic. It might just be your HTML layout, but I feel your paper needs more definite paragraphs and spacing. I found myself thinking the bulk of the middle was one, long paragraph. If this is actually the case, split that baby up into 2 or perhaps more paragraphs if you feel like you have more to say on layout, architecture, and incorporation of the natural. I enjoyed your attention to the Texas landscape (a point I myself argued for), and feel it is a truly valid one. Your comparisons to Stanford further strengthen our obviously correct stance on this issue. Good job pumpkin. 
 
Sentence Revision:
 
Pallavi: Rather than staying with the current urban atmosphere the campus has due to its placement in the middle of the contemporary city of Austin, the campus should carry a more esteemed, exalted air that is significantly influence by its architecture.
 
Garrison: Rather than continuing with the current urban atmosphere that Austin provides the University of Texas, the campus should carry a more esteemed and exalted air significantly influenced by its architecture.
 
Noted Minor Grammar Mistakes in 1st paragraph:
 
Because the UT Austin is a place of self discovery (remove the)
 
The campus must still be able to harbor to a diverse student body (harbor a diverse...no to)
 
 
 
Elizabeth Wong
 
Liz - your project is well constructed and understandable. Your paragraphs are precise and to the point. I especially enjoyed your emphasis on functionality, especially with transportation issues through and around your ideal campus. Your argument provides me with many views that I had not considered before. However, around page 5, you mention how modernism and cubist architecture hints at natural elements; I would like you to go into more detail. You put lots of care into the depiction of the natural outside the building, but I'd like to hear more about the inside.
 
Sentence Revision:
 
Liz: The use of this mathematical concept gives the buildings a feeling of elegance in their right angles and straight lines. The right angles and straight lines that result from the use of this mathematical concept give the buildings a feeling of elegance and prestige.
 
 
 
Prianka Singapura
 
Prianka - the one thing I found in your paper was your belief rather than conviction. Take the sentence 'I believe that Post-modernist buildings teach a respect for the old and a curiosity for the new.'
 
You are trying to persuade the Board of Regents, with their oil-financed oversized belt buckles and ten gallon hats. Thus, I would suggest cutting out the "I believe". If you just say Post-modernist buildings teach a respect for the old and a curiosity for the new, your argument is implied. It adds to the confidence and overall strength of your argument. I noticed this a few times, so just go back through your paper and unless truly necessary, eliminate those two or three words: it will end up making a positive difference. 
 
Sentence Revision
 
Prianka: While we Longhorns are somewhat unified in this sense, we look for something on campus to fill the void of alienation.
 
Garrison: While new students are unified in their isolation, they nonetheless look to something on campus to fill the void of alienation.
 
 
 
Alexandra Fu
 
To be perfectly frank, Alex, I really had to search for a sentence to critique. Your paper is masterfully written, and I found very little to change. Your comparisons between UT and legit Spanish architecture are astounding, and the point you make from it about finding your own connection is even more so. I love the academic village discourse, too. Overall I was really wowed by your paper. Prianka and I had the sample revision sentence, so here's a tiny minor change proposed:
 
Sentence Revision
 
Alex: I cannot say that I have always been an avid Longhorns fan, or that UT had been my dream school since I could distinguish between burnt orange and maroon as a toddler, or that upon becoming a student here, the majestic grandeur of the campus inspired a new academic zeal in me, or any of a number of other outrageous and overly spirited statements.
 
Garrison: I cannot say that I have always been an avid Longhorns fan since I could distinguish between burnt orange and maroon or that UT has always been my dream school; nor could I say that upon becoming a student here, the majestic grandeur of the campus inspired a new academic zeal in me. But...
 
 
 
Eric Hui
 
Eric - I feel like your paper took a while to get into the meat of it. I might suggest cutting the size of your introduction and talking about your ideal Spanish architecture sooner. Your argument from that point on, however, is excellent. I focus here on the paragraph I like the most: the one dealing with light! This paragraph is excellent! Though a few sentences like the following one need a little revision, the content is rich and intellectual, yet easy to understand.
 
Sentence Revision:
 
Eric: The mysterious shadows and silhouettes created by the way the sun’s ray hit the arches at different times of day gives students variety with in the same building.
 
Garrison: The variation throughout the day of the mysterious shadows and silhouettes cast by the sun's rays on the arches give students the feeling of change.
 
 
 
Megan Sanders
 
Megan - your paper is very nicely constructed. Your paragraphs are clear and distinct, covering different topics and covering them wonderfully. Your incorporation of technology, which I haven't seen mentioned in any of the other papers, is a very innovative issue for you to discuss, but I felt it added to your argument. I also thought the part about nature and specifically Austin and limestone was strong and compelling. VERY nice work. 
 
Sentence Revision
 
Megan: In many ways, people’s memories become inextricably bound to the buildings, locations, settings in which they learned, struggled, and grew.
 
Garrison: In many ways, people's memories become inextricably connected to the buildings, locations, and settings in which they struggled, learned and matured.
 
Minor grammar error:
 
Studies have also show "benefits in worker productivity (studies have also SHOWN)
 
 
 
Megan Gilbert
 
Megan -
 
I feel like your paper took a little while for me to get into. Though, once I did in the middle paragraphs, it was truly convincing. Your introductory paragraph(s) is a little repetitive and the weaker entrance into your argument may be attributed to this. You repeat a lot of the same word in back to back sentences, and use "this connection", "this architecture", "this..." entirely too often. Reform that first paragraph by reversing its structure; begin with what a university should do, and end with your thesis (potentially part of that 2nd paragraph). That is what makes a good introductory paragraph and would make the start of your paper 1000x stronger. But, I LOVED the idea of the flower layout. Very innovative.
 
Sentence Revision:
 
Megan: At the foundation of this vision was the belief in the need for an interaction between nature and the buildings constructed on campus.
 
Garrison: At the foundation of Faulkner's idea was the necessity for interaction between the buildings constructed on campus and nature. 
 
Minor Grammar error I found:
 
A level of diversity it necessary to ensure that each student on campus possesses the ability to identify with a building. (IS necessary)
 

 
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