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There should be background music. I found this song particularly touching right after the trip I talk
about in the third paragraph. It also connects in that in talks about lonliness and fear of solitude.
https://webspace.utexas.edu/rem679/14%20I%27m%20Lost%20Without%20You.mp3
Have you ever sat down and cried while watching the news? Have you ever watched just one segment of the evening broadcast and allowed a story to enter your heart and then felt the oppression, the weight of the events occurring in someone else’s life? Have you ever forgotten everything else for just awhile and allowed yourself to experience sorrow deep inside or elation over all of your self or any one single emotion? Finding people who are experiencing a catharsis is my passion; the search for pure emotion is my pilgrimage. I strive to develop this purity, this complete internal unity, in myself by comparing the cultural differences in emotive expression, by exploring the effects of solitude on emotions, and by developing an appreciation for the moments that inspire artists.
My reflections on the photograph on the previous page led me to first recognize my desire to find passion in others. The woman’s face seems so full of knowledge and sorrow, understanding and experience, pain and turbulence. I do not find this depth of emotion in everyday photographs of my family or friends such as the photo below, and
I believe this is because my family and friends, along with the majority of Americans, fail to experience strong and pure emotions. According to Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, “Emotions are highly complex and subtle phenomena whose explanation requires careful and systematic analysis of their multiple characteristics and components.” [3] The complexity Ben-Ze’ev refers to is evident in the American view of emotions: Americans multitask, overwork, and strain themselves in every way possible and so our emotions overlap, forcing us to then compartment- alized. However, I believe it
“Hide and Seek” by Bruce Holwerda [4]
is possible that there is a more attentive culture where the people lead simpler lives and thus experience life through a more focused lens. The woman in the photo on page one indicates that there exists, somewhere, a different life style that condones emotional release. The picture of the woman and child above was taken on a mission trip during which I traveled to Tegucigalpa, Honduras. The people in Honduras expressed themselves with very little inhibition. Possibly this stems from the absence of a self-image that so many of the poor in Honduras experience; I could easily believe that many of them have never even seen their reflections in a mirror and thus lack the visual aspect of self-identity. This free, clairvoyant expression common in this under-developed nation results in a more passionate culture. For example, while I was there, I witnessed a protest against teacher salary laws; I was amazed that the children experience endless enjoyment from a simple toy called “clackers;” and I discovered a culture that embraces each person so fully that coming back to America after only one week away was a major culture shock. The emotional capacity of each person may be the same as in America, but the feelings are more concentrated and, often, justifiable than those witnessed in America. The anger of the protesters resulted from being grossly underpaid in their professional occupation; the happiness of the children was simple, resulting from a crude toy and matching their youthful, simpler age; the freedom of emotional expression in the Honduran culture was a product of the tradition of sharing life’s experiences with others all struggling together. This trip taught me that greater unity can be achieved through the release of obsessive control we often hold over our consciousness. In stark contrast to this open, accepting society, the American culture does not allow for any socially acceptable public emotional release without an obvious cause. For instance, if attending a funeral, tears are expected; however, when an inexplicable sentiment arises within a person, that person must attempt to suppress the feeling until he or she can find a private place to release it. If one is walking down the street and is struck by the sudden urge to laugh for no apparent reason, other passersby will surely assume the laughing person is unbalanced or insane. A person must restrain his impulses as best as he can until alone; only then can the desire to laugh resurface. Such a delayed expression will therefore not be as fulfilling as having experienced joy when the moment was right. In Anne of Green Gables, Lucy Maud Montgomery’s protagonist must contain her sadness until she is alone: “Altogether, Anne rather thought it would be a relief to sit down and have a good cry.” [6] This concept of “a good cry” has become common among Americans (especially women), who feel the need to appear strong in public but must eventually address their suppressed emotions. The photograph of the “Afghan Girl” adjacent to
"Afghan Girl" by Steve McCurry [7]
the text provides an illustration of a woman in Eastern culture who seems to display a greater degree of emotional freedom despite the comparatively low level of acceptability of expression for women in Afghanistan. Overall, in American society emotional constraint should be practiced at all times in order for an individual to be socially acceptable to the general population. One specific example of a culture that allows for a public loss of emotional control is the Gururumba people of New Guinea. The Gururumba do not tolerate members of their community who allow emotion to govern their lives; however, the occasional surrender of self-control to emotional response is permitted in their society when a person is under particularly high stress. This period of high stress usually occurs when a member of their society has just entered adulthood, assumed responsibility for himself or herself, and has experienced the compounding factor of a death in his or her family. The Gururumba believe that the ghost of the recently deceased family member may bite the new adult, causing him or her to lose self-control for a period of several days. The person is permitted to follow his or her instincts fully, and while the person enjoys this immunity to societal bounds, he or she is referred to as a wild pig. [8] I desire to find people like this, people who allow themselves to feel some emotion – any emotion - so deeply that it overpowers them and they become guided by their hearts rather than their minds. If every society allowed for brief emotional cleansings such as this, people may not have such a great need for psychiatrists and institutions of mental health. In America, the absence of a culturally acceptable public release causes us to become desensitized to the tragedies we witness daily on the television, read about in the papers or online, and hear about from the radio. We feel little sorrow or terror or anger or joy - in short we feel little emotion at all - in our daily lives. Because of the huge consequences of so many of the events of which we are aware, it becomes difficult to feel the gravity of each tragedy while leading a normal life. Thus, average Americans lose the capacity to judge events on a personal level and often become jaded. The narrator in E. M. Forster’s narrator in “The Other Side of the Hedge” demonstrates this immunity. When the narrator is confronted with pure, open people, he meets their welcome with suspicion. Amidst the simple people, the narrator admits his normally murky perception continues to degrade; however, he begins to experience a more direct
“The Avalanche” by Rodrigo Pimentel depicts emotional obscurity [9]
experience with his senses. “Though my senses were sinking into oblivion, they seemed to expand ere they reached it. They perceived the magic song of nightingales and the odour of invisible hay, and the stars piercing the fading sky.” [10] Even though unintentional, the narrator’s temporary departure from the practiced path gives him much greater sensory insight.Another downfall of our compartmentalizing, overly complicated society is our desire for constant companionship. How can one discover himself is if he seldom meditates in solitude? A person changes daily as his or her collection of experiences grows, and thus the occasional soul-searching fails to keep any one person on track. This sporadic meditation is made even less effective because it is difficult to separate one’s consciousness from the collective consciousness of all those in ones’ life. In my pilgrimage, I hope to find, somewhere, someday, a place where I feel comfortable in solitude, for there I may finally be able to see beyond my narrow scope and begin to understand the world and a fraction of its interactions. As Montesquieu notes, “If we only wanted to be happy it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.” [11] Thus, in a culture where solitary hours are more valued than in ours, pure emotions would more readily be found because they would be untainted by jealous comparisons.
Both culture and solitude may lead me to discover purer emotions in the general population, but until I can embark on a journey in search of true happiness, deep sorrow, all-consuming lust, or any lucid emotion, I must find solace in something readily accessible. That magical link is art. In art, emotions are expressed in a more concentrated form than anywhere else in our society. Whether through contemporary or classical music, in a painting, or on a poignant film, in a touching photograph, or a piece of visual art in a gallery, a moment can be captured and in that one moment, a single emotion shines through. Aaron Ben Ze’ev claims “Emotions should not be described as pictures inside our heads, but as ongoing dynamic experiences that spread over time and may be modified during the course of that time.” [13] Maybe emotions should not be described so simply, but ,when they are, an emotion can clear a pathway to understanding one aspect of an individual. Although the world is constantly changing, viewing life just one slide at a time often allows for greater understanding and in the greater understanding, simplicity surfaces. For this reason art serves as a liaison between my current, frantic, American state and my desired, composed, universal nirvana. One final point that must be addressed is the difference between pure emotions and strong emotions. Earlier today, I sat on a bus coming back from downtown and witnessed a man verbally abuse his girlfriend or wife and their son. It became obvious after only a few seconds of the bus ride that he had recently discovered she (his partner) had not been faithful to him and was quite disturbed. As another passenger on the bus who had unknowingly sat near the family, I felt very uncomfortable for the duration of the ride and became quite depressed for the rest of the afternoon. This experience made me question my desire to discover pure emotions: If negative pure emotions could affect me so strongly and ruin my day so thoroughly, then is it true that this is what I actually want to pursue? However, upon further reflection, I realized that the emotion the man experienced was yet another example of the complex emotions in Western society. His emotion was not lucid and simplistic; it is even quite possible he felt very little at the time when I saw him. He was driven by a desire to hurt others and jealousy. Jealousy is not a pure emotion, as indicated by the Montesquieu quote above. Instead, jealousy grows out of a comparison with another person or other people. The man may have experiences hatred or anger also, but his emotion was not pure; it was a mixture resulting from jealousy and a feeling of betrayal and thus blinded him rather than clarifying the world around him. My passion to find a more direct expression of emotion than is easily seen in the current American culture will lead me on a pilgrimage both physically through the world and psychologically into myself. These two journeys will lead me through my career and life, constantly guiding the decisions I make and the paths I choose.Word Count (without quotes): 1851Website: http://dancingfrogs13.googlepages.com/insearchofawildboar