Learning Record Midterm: Stand Outside Yourself and Write What You See

            I began this course as a conflicted person.  The first day of class both terrified and excited me.  The teaching style was unlike anything I had ever experienced before, and all of my classmates seemed to be so different and interesting.  From the minute I walked into the classroom, I knew I would be confronted with diverse and unique ideas each day.  While the prospect excited me, I was also reluctant to participate, unsure of how others would view my contributions.  I was scared of the trials, the needs for creativity and expression that awaited me in this course, but I was also excited about meeting new people and being challenged to try different things.  I was not quite sure what to expect from my conflicting feelings.  I was unsure of what role I would play in the class dynamics and how my preconceptions would effect my participation.  Would my classmates be more vocal than I am?  Would my ideas create discussion or would others find them uninteresting?  What would I learn?  How would my grades in a Plan II class compare to my grades in high school classes?  As the middle of the semester passes, I am beginning to find the answers to many of these questions.  Now, as I stand outside myself, I see the progress I have made and the steps I still need to take. 

            Much to my surprise, my grades have stayed on par with those I received in high school.  This class, however, is more challenging than those I took at Austin High.  I will admit that I was a little shocked by my grade on P1A, but Professor Bump’s comments made me realize how much I have let small grammatical and proofreading errors slip as I reread my writing.  I am now more aware of the frequent mistakes I make in my writing.  By stepping back and looking at my grades, I believe that if the semester were to end right now, I would receive an A in this course.  Right now, I have about 550 points, so I need 350 more points to reach the point range for an A.  If my grades on P2A and P2B are about the same as my grades for P1A and P1B, although I’m hoping for them to be higher, I will receive about 250 more points.  The Portfolio, LR Final and journals will provide me with the remainder of my points.  When I stand outside of myself and allow my subjective opinions about my grades to slip away by evaluating my progress like this, I feel like I am doing well in the course while learning quite a bit about myself and literature.  I find the aspect of competition that Professor Bump introduces into the course interesting and helpful.  I do not feel like I am competing against my classmates, but by sharing the highest grades in the class, Professor Bump motivates me by showing that I can do better just as others are doing better in the course.  I am being challenged in a good way.

            I, however, still have room to improve.  Looking at myself from afar, I realize that I am constantly striving to incorporate more voice into my writing.  Sometimes, my passions and opinions seem to become lost in a whirlwind of facts, quotes and analysis.  I yearn to become more skilled at asking questions and provoking thoughts from others instead of simply stating how I interpret a piece of literature or an experience.  I feel like I get caught up in one aspect of my identity: creative, intellectual, discussion-based.  I am unable to "loosen the hold on each identity so that [I] don't get completely lost in it...able to play among these various aspects of being without identifying exclusively with any" (155).  Also, when I stand outside of myself, I see that I am still tense in my writing and learning.  I think that more meditation and nature-based writing activities, like those of Waller Creek and the Taniguchi Oriental Garden, could help my progress in this area.  These types of activities tend to loosen my mood and writing style.  When I was sitting in the Taniguchi Oriental Garden, I felt at peace with myself.  I felt like my emotions could just come out onto the paper; there was nothing holding me back.  The simple and light sounds of nature made me relax and reflect within myself.  Realizing this shift in mood and attitude allows me to see my need for more free-flowing and creative thought that is in touch with our natural origins. 

            Recognizing my weaknesses allows me to see the ways that class activities could be changed to better support these needs.  I can conclude that it would be beneficial to spend more time in nature.  I, however, think this might come more in the second semester; I remember Professor Bump said that he had pushed a lot of his plans back a semester in order to incorporate James Joyce into the curriculum.   Even if we are not able to explore nature more often, I feel like the daily routine of discussions becomes mildly redundant at times.  For the most part, I love the daily discussions, but some days I wish the routine would be a little different, whether that means Professor Bump leading the discussion or the class analyzing a piece of literature that is presented in class.  This does not have to happen everyday, but occasionally it would be a nice change. 

            Now that I have observed myself from outside of myself, I see my progress and my shortcomings in this course.  I realize how far I have come since the beginnings of the semester but also how far I still have to go.  Assignments like this are helpful not only in keying Professor Bump into our opinions of the course, but they are also beneficial to the students by forcing them to truly reflect on themselves and the changes they are experiencing in college.