Mita Lakhia
LR Final
The words on the page are so close and yet feel so far away. The writer’s voice is heard through the slight familiarity and comfortable mannerisms of the paper. The words come together in a natural pattern, but you still can not truly understand what the writer was thinking. It is up to interpretation just like anything that comes across your path. It is a funny feeling, reading your own writing. As I look back on my work from first semester I realize just how far I have come, and how far I still need to go. I was at a loss as to how to begin this paper so I decided to take a look back. This glimpse began by skimming much of the reading we did over the course of this year and ended by thoroughly reading my own writing from last semester. The idea of an LR Final for the year is basically an LR Final for life; our freshman year is over. It is a scary thought, and time has gone by much faster than anticipated. As I stand outside myself reading in, my LR Final from last semester tells me quite a bit about myself. I see a young woman who has grown up and is a better writer than she ever truly gave herself credit for. The self doubt is still very much there, but she also is filled with imagination and curiosity about what else is out there. Last semester feels like such a long time ago. My descriptions of college life then are very different from my experiences of college life this semester. My outlook on life has changed as well as my priorities. In retrospect, I can now see that I did not achieve the balance I craved at the start of spring semester, rather I leaped feet first into “the other” aspect of my life and did not look back.
The trouble with both this semester and last was not that I was not happy, but rather that I was not complete. At first I was only concerned with my liberal arts education, and then I turned to immerse myself within the business world. Only now do I realize that I do not have to give up so much of myself and choose one way or another. As Ram Dass states in The Witness, “We specialize. As a consequence, however, we often end up shortchanging what we have to offer one another.”1 Specializing is not necessary. I can be a Plan II major and still balance my Business Honors Program side. I think the reason I ran across so much difficultly this semester with my writing was that I had lost my passion. At times I caught myself going through the motions, and although, I hate to say it, I was just doing enough to get by. The lyrics of Daniel Powter capture my feelings exactly, “So where is the passion when you need it the most?”2 My solution, at least as of lately, has been to step back and revaluate what I am doing and attempt to “live in fragments no longer.”3 To achieve this goal I must start with my broadest understanding of myself and work my way in.
Downtown Cathedral – one of many Sacred Spaces we saw
this semester.
Although, I do not think that I am truly qualified enough to evaluate the big picture, I can make some educated assumptions. Looking down at myself (as perhaps God would be) I see a girl who has finally stopped running circles in the maze of life. Perhaps, she has figured out what door she really wants to go through and not just the one she feels she is supposed to go through. She sets too many goals and gets confused about what the next step is. She has a clear understanding of where she wants to be in five to ten years, but on the smaller scale she is not fully confident about what steps to take to get there. What is the goal? Possibly the goal is graduating college, going to law school or starting a business. Or is the goal less tangible? It could be becoming a better writer, stronger person or passionate leader. She has gained confidence and perhaps she with all this practice she has realized there is nothing to fear. She can conquer any heights, after all, “if you’re irrationally afraid of something, do it a lot; the fear will wear off.”4 God sees me as one that works hard and tries my best at everything. In the long run hopefully my diligence will get me closer to my goals.
Looking like “Grown ups” – are we really though?
Looking back at my “Road Map” from first semester I see that my final destination is composed of a mixture of goals. My future involves reaching my aspirations of attending law school, balancing my other academic interests, and taking care of my family and other things that are important to me. Over the course of this year I can see that I have reached many milestones on my life journey. The images of scallop shells all over campus are not the only things that remind me to think of my journey and higher place. Every step that I take moves me closer to my purpose. My goal is to be the best person I can be and along the way aim live up to all of the high standards I set for myself. This year I have grown as a writer, but I am still struggling to understand what it really means to be a writer. Perhaps the wild mind will be of help, and I can “lose control and let the wild mind take over? It is the best way to write. To live, too.”5 The idea of becoming lost in your writing is easier said than done, especially for a business student like myself. The key is once again achieving the balance that will give me greater confidence in my writing. I spent all of first semester convincing myself that I do fit in with my Plan II peers, and after a short span of loosing myself in the business school also I lost the idea of “Mita the Writer” faster than I thought was possible. I must hold onto that aspect as I remember, as Ram Dass told us, it is not necessary to specialize. I do have the potential to excel in more than one area, and it is important to remember that.
Looking at the world in a new way – we had to draw the
HRC and compare nature with the modernism of the building. I may not be an artist but exercises like
this made me think about things like never before.
One of my greatest struggles, I realized, is linked to my personality type. An ESFJ (Extrovert Sensor Feeler Judger) may be perfectly equipped for being your next CEO, but as a writer there are many flaws. “Feeling types tend to prefer topics that they can care about. They write best when given the possible reactions of the audience…Their writing may lack a clear organizational structure.”6 This description is an incredibly accurate portrayal of “Mita the Writer.” How others will view my writing is very important to me. Over the course of this year all of our discussion boards have helped me become more comfortable with the idea of my peers viewing my writing. Over time I realized that the greatest criticism and positive reinforcement can come from those who are in similar situations as you. This semester, as I read the responses to my LR midterm from my classmates, I have never felt so proud or accomplished. I have the greatest respect for the students in my World Literature class and it was a phenomenal feeling to see them believe in my vision. Organizational structure is another flaw that I will have to continue to work on. It has never been my strong suit, but the organization of my writing I can consciously improve upon. As I move closer to my destination on my “road map” of life, I hope to have more faith in my writing and myself.
The tangible goals I set in my Road Map and Goals Lists can only be achieved by living up to my truths. As a college student it is vital to know what I stand for as I go through the labyrinth of The University of Texas. The goal is not just to make straight A’s and hold leadership positions in everything I do, but also to find out what drives me to be the type of person I am. “Students who leave the Forty Acres, as many do now, without knowing themselves, without testing what they can best do for themselves and other people, without developing serious intellectual skepticism, without developing cultural passions, have not gotten the education they should have been given.”7 I believe that this year through my Plan II courses and my business courses I have gained this knowledge about myself. Even if I have not fully comprehended every aspect of my drive, I have taken the time to question things and learn a lot about myself and my motivations. In order to achieve my own truths I must know what I want to them to be. “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”8 As the year comes to a close I believe that I have created my own truths and gained insights about myself. Being a student at a public university comes with the idea of service after all, “public universities exist to serve society.”9 We all have a unique contribution to offer society. As Natasha Bedingfield’s song “Unwritten” states, “No one else can feel it for you, Only you can let it in, No one else, no one else, Can speak the words on your lips, Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open, Today is where your book begins.”10 It is funny how observant I have recently become. Before embarking on the road of life (Bump style), I would of enjoyed songs such as this but not thought about how they applied to my life. Now, I find myself not only listening to the radio differently, but looking at the world around me in a whole new light.
Stopping to Smell the Roses – After we toured downtown
on our excursion, Megan, Ben, Brian, Susan and I had coffee downtown. The little things I used to let pass I
cannot any longer and I was taken by the simplicity but beauty of the white
rose on our table.
Now that the year is truly over, I realize that it did not go exactly how I imagined. I have made some great friends, experienced many new things, and grown as a person. I never thought my laptop and I would get as close as we have. As my freshman year is closing, my laptop is only one of many inanimate objects I have become unnaturally close to. The other two are my cell phone followed by my baby-blue light-jacket. All these little pieces have become intricate parts of who I am. On first glance these objects may make me seem incredibly superficial, but when you understand what they signify to me it makes more sense. The laptop defines me as a writer. Everything I do and everywhere I go my laptop does and goes with me. I have spent countless nights staring at this screen, and while I cannot lie, some of it has been a tad bit painful, I do still catch myself smiling from time to time as I type yet another sentence. The feeling of accomplishment after finishing a paper that you have struggled with brings an immeasurable sense of self worth and I never want to lose that feeling. My cell phone keeps me connected with others which I believe is a big part of me and my personality. I cannot handle being alone for too long, after all I am a true extrovert. Along those same lines I am one to work out my feelings out loud rather than letting them mill around in my head for days. As college students, we are never in the same place for long stretches of time and my cell phone allows me to reach people wherever and whenever. Now my baby blue jacket may seem like the most trivial part of me, but in fact it is one of the most vital. Without fail, I, being a small person, get cold no matter where I am. Having my jacket on hand helps with that, but it is not the only reason it is so important to me. I am a person who likes to be prepared for anything, or at least I like to tell myself I am. Having the jacket with me, no matter the weather conditions or location of my adventure for the day makes me feel ready for just about anything. When these three things I feel complete and prepared to face any task at hand. Basically they make up me, physically anyway. Emotionally, they are just some of the many things that make me who I am.
My World Literature Class – the people who inspire me on
the Mustang Statue.
The people who have influenced me this year vary greatly in fields of expertise, but I have gained a significant amount from all of them. Perhaps the greatest leaders are those who lead by example such as my Plan II peers. I have never been in contact with such a great group of people who may not know exactly where they want to end up in life, but they do confidently know that they will be successful. “At this point the need to know begins to fall away – and not simply because we’ve given up or resigned ourselves to ignorance. Quite the contrary: we’ve come into a deeper wisdom, which knows its place and accepts Not Knowing.”11 I have been greatly inspired by the students in this class who motivate me to become a better person. The diversity of Plan II is another key to this, and I am thankful that I have been given the opportunity to interact with all these people. I am still not positive I am on the same level as many of these students, but “There is no evidence that perfectionists are more successful than their non-perfectionist counter parts.”12 The balance is there and I am part of it whether I believe it or not. Along the same lines, “Knowledge does not have the shelf life that it once did.”13 The most important thing I have gained from others is this understanding. It is up to me, here and now, to learn as much about the world as I can. It will make a difference, and I will make a difference. The struggle is not finding the knowledge because it is already out there, rather motivating ourselves to really care about learning it. Finding out what you are passionate about is the only way to really be able to do this.
Places that Inspire me – The Capital both inside (below)
and outside (left) cause me to reach for my goals and look for my higher
purpose in life.
Inspiration also comes from our mentors. For me, this year I have been given the opportunity to be advised by some of the universities most distinguished faculty. In this course I have also had the chance to work with one of the most unique professors on this campus. Professor Bump has inspired me, as well as the rest of our World Literature class to be in touch with who we are. It is amazing that Professor Bump could take a class that would traditionally be about learning about authors and their works and turn it into a class about learning about yourself. After this course I truly believe that we are at UT for one reason, “to work on ourselves, to further our own growth.”14 Over this year I have grown and am looking forward to the opportunity to further work on myself. We are all works in progress, not one of us is yet a completely educated person. I guess that is what our Plan II education is all about, an “education for a life, not for a living.”15 This class has benefited me greatly mostly because I loved all of our class discussions. They allowed me to understand the works to a level that I did not think possible, and also see things that I did not know where there. The only drawback, which I felt many times over the year, was my own inability to understand some of the connections Professor Bump made in class. Mostly due to my lack of a Christian background I missed allusions and such that were made in many of our texts. Now, I know that there is no great solution to my problem, but I do hope that in the future other students who did not grow up with American raised parents will understand everything that is going on in class as well as everyone else.
My
fondest memory from this class is the day we went to the
I will always remember to find the child in me! Pictured to the left is me on the
carousal at Six Flags in
Word Count: 2,637
Works Cited:
1. Ram Das and Paul
Gorman, How Can I Help? in Composition and
Reading in World Literature E603A, ed. Jerome Bump (
2. Daniel Powter, Bad Day, Lyriczz.com, http://www.lyriczz.com/lyriczz.php?songid=16566
.
10. Natasha Bedingfield, Unwritten, Lyriczz.com, http://www.lyriczz.com/lyriczz.php?songid=14533.