Will,

I had friends and hobbies, but my age and scholastic obligations limited my lifestyle. I accepted the importance of these obligations and decided to embrace them fully.

These sentences are not wrong, but you use the word obligation in them both right next to each other. You can subsitutute the second for another word? -- limitations? constraints?

Overall I loved it. The passion that you feel for climbing shines through your writing. I think to expand upon it you can go into greater detail on how you personally connect to writing. It seems like you connect to climbing and through climbing to writing....maybe bridge the gap with more about yourself. Overall Amazing! :) -- Mita

Cheryl --

At local tournaments, I encountered brilliant debaters without the funds to travel nationally like I did.

I think this sentence will be more clear if you:

At local tournaments, I encountered brilliant debators who lacked the funds to travel nationally. 

Overall, you are such an amazing writer.  I think your peice would be stronger if you add more to the end and tie it together by saying something about your childhood and future...not sure if that makes sense but I hope you get it...! :) Mita

Sharon –

This assignment really forces me to reconsider my plans for the future, and I must admit, though beneficial, this process does stress me out a little.

I feel like you do not need the "a little." 

Susan –

My current path lies in the direction of veterinary school.

I feel like this sentence is a little bit akward.

My current path directs me toward veterinary school. 

Ben –

The effect is to perpetuate social disadvantages and the failure to inculcate basic civic virtues. 

This sentence confuses me!

The effect of such measures perpetuates social disadvantages and the failure to inculcate basic civic virtues.

May make it more clear! Overall Amazing!

Vanessa:

The answer has been staring me in the face for some time now.

Maybe:

The answer has been right in front of me for some time now. 

I love the paper.  Maybe for pictures you can add some that you look contimplative in.  Such as the ones from meditating at waller creek?

Puja: Now that I¿m in college, I have settled down on a course of action for the upcoming years.

I don't think you ned the word down:

Now that I¿m in college, I have settled on a course of action for the upcoming years.

Overall I love it.  It's really great how you tied in a variety of interests and such.  Maybe for pictures you could show yourself doing each of these things?

Love it! – Mita

Thomas:

It is a question I have spent many hours thinking about, probably too many.

Maybe rephrase?

It is a question I have spent many hours thinking about, probably more than I should have. 

I love the direction -- and can relate.  For pictures include the ones where you look either deep in thought or doing something silly in class.  Then show the contrast with a picture in a suit for EVIL 324 class haha

Anush: Jude in Jude the Obscure and Sarah in The French Lieutenant's Woman are both trapped by their social status and lack of fortune.

Jude, in Jude the Obscure, and Sarah, in The French Lieutenant's Women, are both trapped by their social class structure and lack of fortune. 

Written SO well.  Include pictures of yourself however, in action in class.  Maybe use the ones from the Alice in Wonderland day and the contrast with Victorian day.  People can see how it connects to you better :)

Rachel: But then along came professor Bump, another thorn in my side.

In this sentence, and the next one, you need to capitalize Professor.

Overall So great!  Possibly when you talk about being a public university include pictures of the campus and downtown?  Maybe a cool shot of how you can see downtown and campus at the same time? I don't know but you can make the connection :)

Laura:

It is the only hope for a hopeless world, the eternal in a world where everything is dying.

 Maybe make it parallel?

It is the only hope for a hopeless world, the only eternal in a dying world. 

I like the way you seem so confident in your vision.  Maybe add pictures which stress how the class is connected more.   Like some of you just working, or lying out by the creek.

Eleanore: Despite it being a quality of many of my fellow Plan II students, I have not a perfectionist bone in my body.

Despite being a Plan II student, I, unlike my peers, have not a perfectionist bone in my body.

Overall so amazing.  You can add pictures that show you in a hospital setting and/or at the creek thinking (from the meditation day).  Lots of possiblities!

Meagan:

Studying the campus has allowed me to feel as though I am a part of the university as a whole, rather than just the Business school or Plan II.

Maybe:

Studying the campus has allowed me to feel that I am part of the university as a whole, more than just a Plan II or Business student.

Overall I love the way you tie in your two interests: I relate. You seem passionate about it, maybe tie in more quotes from Jude or Portrait to expand!

Noel: At the simplest level, an actor is only necessary for entertainment, and once that has been accomplished, there¿s nothing left to be desired.

Maybe rephrase:

At the simplest level, an actor's only purpose is entertainment, and once that has been completed, there is nothing left for him to contribute.

I love it overall -- very you.  Maybe you can add pictures of yourself wanting to do the different professions?  Like singing, acting, whatnot :)