To Willie

After our last class Thursday it finally hit me, freshman year is over. But is it complete? I can not help but think that many parts of this year have been bittersweet. World Lit has been an adventure filled with ups and downs, and I will always treasure every moment of it. It does not, however, feel complete, which is what motivated me to finish the writing I tried to being long ago. So here it is ¿ To Willie,

I think part of me still thought I would wake up on the last Thursday of class and you would be there. Silly, I know, but part of me still believed you would be with us to end the journey we began together. Do you remember the first few days of class ¿ we played the name game about a million times! First names, last names, middle names too maybe? It all gets a little blurry. It was so long ago and so much has changed since then. You missed a lot of first semester, and at the time none of us knew why. In retrospect I wish we could have been there for you and helped with whatever you may have needed. It was your decision however and thus we were kept in the dark. I feel kind of selfish asking this, but why? Why did you not open up to us, and open up only when it was much too late? I know that there was nothing we could have done, but still we would have wanted to help. And it kind of makes me angry that I didn¿t know.

Maybe angry is the wrong term, really, what makes me angry is why this happened to you. Everyone says now is the time to celebrate life, but how can we? You had so much left to learn and to give. I only knew you a short time, but in that span I really respected you and learned so much from you. The night that we first found out you were ill, Ben and I had a long talk which will always stick with me. He told me that ¿at least you taught us something which is more than most people can say.¿ But it still doesn¿t seem fair, it seemed like you had so much more to tell us. So much more we could of gained from you, but we didn¿t. God didn¿t give us that chance. Maybe that is who I should be angry with. Why do these things happen to good people? You don¿t know and neither do I, and yet you are the only person I can ask this to.

I am a religious person, and I do believe in God. Anytime any situation similar to this occurs, my mother always has this incredible amount of faith that everything happens for a reason. And she genuinely believes that Baghvan (God) always does what is right. I always break down, which is hard for me to do, and I cannot believe in fate as strongly as she does. There have only been two deaths in my extended family that I can remember, the most recent being my mom¿s oldest brother to cancer last year. I was so afraid of seeing my mom upset, that I was actually dreading going home. I wanted to be strong for her, but instead she was strong for me. She told me then the same thing she told me when I told her about your passing to the same terrible disease ¿ that everything happens for a reason, that you must believe in Baghvan. I do believe, but I still have trouble accepting. As I reread my Bhagvad Gita the only thing I can do is leave you with this quote. It may not make sense to you, and you don¿t have to believe it ¿ but I do and it is the only way I will one day (even if it isn¿t today) understand what has happened.

"Our soul never dies; only the physical body dies. We neither fear death nor look forward to it , but revere it as a most exalted experience. Life, death and the afterlife are part of our path to perfect oneness with God."