Assignment: Title an essay of at least two thousand words, "stand outside the person standing outside yourself and write what you see." Remember to incorporate quotes from Ram Dass's The Witness, in your course anthology. Most relevant here might be the discussion of seeing yourself from above, as if you were moving around in a small town. Points will be deducted for less than FOUR quotations. In addition, because visual rhetoric is a component of the grade for the course, you must include ALL pictures of yourself in "action" in the course that are on our website. (Select "Pictures" and then go through the folders downloading the relevant pictures. Then incorporate them in color in your text). Points will be deducted for every picture of you in the course that is missing. (You may add additional pictures also, if you wish.) The purpose of the pictures, of course, is for you to stand outside yourself and see yourself, literally. Hence you must actually discuss what you see in the picture for at least two of the pictures. All pictures are to be placed in the text where they are most relevant to the text. None are to be placed at the end.
Over my freshman year in college, I have made a few landmark
decisions. Throughout my entire life I
have been driven to succeed academically.
I wanted to be the best, and I had to be the best. I poured hours of effort into assignments and
studying so I could get that special recognition for making amazing grades,
grades so fantastic that my parents gushed with pride. Salutatorian of Memorial High School Graduating Class of 850
students, Class of 2005 I did that, I got into college, and with over 50,000 people,
amazing grades, though remarkable, are not nearly as recognized. And after getting my first B grade in my life
my last semester, a grade I felt was completely unwarranted, I realized that
many things about a grading system in a learning setting are arbitrary. At a certain moment I had to really consider
what I was going to college for. I want
to succeed in life, and college is certainly the first step, but more
importantly, I wanted to learn. What I
learn here is even more important. I
didn't want to cram my brain full of asinine knowledge preparing me for
whatever mindless robotic job that would pay the bills. I wanted to learn about
"life, the universe, and everything." I
wanted to satiate my mind's deepest questions and give myself an outlet to
create. It is very important to me that
I remain open to any new learning experiences, but at the same time, I've
decided to no longer base my success on a grading rubric. If something interests me, I will throw my
heart and soul into the learning and creating process. Success to me has been redefined, and the new
definition has been hard to accept, even though I am the one that fashioned it. I am among the privileged elite in the world. I have the ability to say I want a job that
makes me happy, even if it doesn't pay well.
For many people, they don't have much of a choice. They either work or die, and happiness is hardly
a factor to be considered. At times I
feel terribly guilty about this, and other times I feel liberated and
blessed. As the pressure to become
lucratively successful bore less importance to me, I knew that I was in a
position that even the richest people don't find themselves in. I'm completely autonomous. You would think that money would give people
the capabilities to do whatever they want, but too often that money confines
someone to their particular economic class, and they are unable to see beyond
it. I am reminded of Charles in The
French Lieutenant's Woman. Initially, it
would seem that I related to Charles, who had "a fear of work, of routine, of
concentration on detail. (233)" Was my decision to do only what I was
completely interested in and impassioned about a fear of hard work and
dedication? No, I realized, because I could easily do it and would if necessary, and I would gladly undertake these sorts of
responsibilities for something that made me happy. What confined Charles was his fear of other
people, especially "those below his own class.
(233)" Charles's complete lack of empathy and sympathetic imagination
cripples him in a way that money can never free him from. The question is then raised; what makes me happy? Over these two semesters I noted my reactions
to certain assignments. Learning
something new and fascinating was always inspirational. I'd find myself engaged in class, and then I
would put extra effort into assignments.
This effort was driven from a genuine desire to actually do these
assignments, a gratefulness of having been assigned them, and a pride in what I
had created. And when I was assigned
something that I didn't feel as motivated by, I didn't force myself to be
motivated—I simply did it and reserved that creative energy for something else. That would have been nearly impossible for me
to do before college. I initially
thought that this was close-minded of me and that I wasn't affording every
opportunity with my utmost consideration.
I've combated this over the semester by at least considering something
even if it doesn't attract me attention.
I will entertain the subject with my forced attention, but no longer
will I make myself carry through all the way to the end. Upon reflection, this seems to be a very lazy way of
handling my education, and in a way I'm sort of ashamed. However, I'm slowly beginning to find that
this shame is just the old Noël talking, the Noël who based success relative to
how well she did to others. That can no
longer be what drives me. My personal
success is being transformed. When I
create something that I'm truly proud of, something that I spent hours on just
because I wanted to—that's a success.
It's liberating. It's
amazing. It's scary. College is giving me the skills I need to
learn tricks and information to allow me to be more successful, but my relative
success in college will not rule my life.
My mind has been made up, and my new goal is trying
desperately to take its hold. I have
made progress, and this progress has manifested itself in the projects I am
most proud of this year. Let's start
with this class. I have become
increasingly less driven to do optional journals just to do them, even though I
do find the topics very interesting and I learn from the readings. What I have chosen to do instead is actually
do the mental exercises required to fully grasp the concepts introduced by
these assignments, and in this way I have remained open-minded without forcing
myself to spread myself thin.
Prioritizing assignments has allowed me to create two web-bots I am
extremely fond of, three websites I spent a lot of time on, including my
Portfolio, my Ophelia page, and my LR Midterm, as well as several thoughtful
pieces of in-class writing and journal entries.
I see the effort I put into these projects, and I know that I am taking
more out of this class than many people do, even though I am not doing every
single assignment. This quells my
worries about laziness, and I begin to accept my new outlook. In the mean time, I have also given myself
the opportunities to pursue my future career goals. Media is my intended outlet, and I have spent
time making short films, taking countless pictures, and invested in film. Noël taking pictures, acting in The Fifth Column Cast of Esther's Follies I've written scripts and I've been reading. I did a play and I have auditioned for many
short films and movies, participating in two projects. I have been cast as the newbie in Looking back my goals, I would initially say that I probably
failed. However, with this new mindset,
it seems almost ridiculous to hold myself to standards created when I wanted to
be better than other people relative to their grades and social success. In fact, I think with a new spin on these
goals, I have actually done a pretty good job.
Here is an analysis of last semester's final goals. 1. Be open-minded: It seems that by not throwing myself into everything that
comes my way I am being as exclusive as Charles. However, I know that I give everything a more
than fair chance, and I have not restricted myself to just media studies. I have found my biology class and my ancient
Greek political thought class to be amazingly mind-opening. Almost every one of the explorative and
written assignments in these classes have engages
me. Who would have thought that I would
be reading for hours about intelligent design or Socrates' downfall? When it comes to tests, however, I feel like
regurgitating information is pointless, and I found myself losing points
because I didn't remember minute facts.
I can proudly say that I remember general concepts with amazing detail,
and I feel fulfilled about that. 2. Time
Management Though I struggled with this all year, I feel that I have
made progress by prioritizing. That
doesn't mean that I did my assignments days in advance like I should have, but
I at least set aside ample time for those assignments I was most inspired
by. I can do better, this I will admit. 3. Articulate my
thoughts My newfound sense of honesty has been the epitome of
articulating my thoughts. This LR Final
is the manifestation of feelings I've had in me for some time. I've finally released them, and I am giving
my thoughts a voice that rings loud and clear. 4. Read I don't necessarily read all of my assignments in my
classes, but when I feel compelled to read, I am completely engaged. The readings are stored in my brain and will
contribute to my decisions and knowledge in the future. 5. Get to
know people While this was meant to help me integrate into the UT social
scene, I quickly have found that just because everybody else seems to be
socializing, doesn't mean that these relationships are actually
meaningful. I have felt very guilty
about my lack of fraternizing, but as long as I let my guard down and welcomed
encounters with new people, I feel like I am making a respectable effort. My social success shouldn't count on
quantity, but on quality. This seems to
align with my new philosophy as well. 5. Have fun! I can't imagine a better way of cutting
lose. I am enjoying life and
college. It's amazing. In conclusion, this year has been frustrating and
rewarding. I know that I don't have
anything to really wave in the air, but at the same time, I am taking steps to
reach my future goals. The ultimate goal
is to be happy and satisfied, and it's refreshing to say at this moment, I feel
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