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RESPONSES TO MY P2A

1. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-10-2005 10:23
Author: BUMP, JEROME F <BUMP@MAIL.UTEXAS.EDU>
Subject dumped at Atspace


Instead of going to your site I was dumped at http://www.atspace.com/domain_name_tips.html

2. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-10-2005 17:24
Author: FLAM, MAY <ation@mail.utexas.edu>
Subject She sighs, and picks up the pen, and as we fade out we hear intense scratching.


In the sentence above, I don't think I like the words "intense scratching." Something's weird about that phrase, and at first, I didn't get what it meant. Do you mean to end with you writing the script? If so, I would add a couple more sentences giving a description of the end instead of just saying "intense scratching." It would make things clearer as to what is going on. I laughed out loud at this project! It was awesome! Very creative. Now, if you want to expand on it, I have a preferance. I want the ending not to be a dream. I think you and Owen should stay together, and that the night scene should be you guys in the same room, and you get up from bed and write a script about your love story (which is real). I think that would be a lot more poignant and funny. If you choose not to do that, maybe just add some more nuances to the story, some interesting details, that would make it follow less obviously. I truly enjoyed this. Hilarity.

3. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-10-2005 23:39
Author: LIAO, SHARON <s.liao@mail.utexas.edu>
Subject She looks down bewildered at the sheet


She looks down bewildered at the sheet in front of her, and realizes that obvious. You need a comma between down and bewildered and between bewildered and at. The existing comma is unnecessary. Hence: She looks down, bewildered, at the sheet in front of her and realizes the obvious. Your script is really good and humorous. I guess if you want to expand it, I felt like you were a lot more descriptive at the very beginning and began to get less so as you wrote.

4. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-12-2005 15:39
Author: SHAFFER, SUSAN ELIZABETH <cocoa220@msn.com>
Subject Oh, right! I almost forgot the speal!


Noel, I loved how you chose script format...its doubly appropiate considering he's an actor and you're RTF. It really worked well. I was also intensely happy that you used the word "spiel" but you mispelled it, writing instead "speal". Owen uses this word too in the next line and it is similarly mispelled. I think you could expand by focusing more on his time at UT. You sort of just jumped to the fact that he made his success with Bottle Rocket and took off. I think you could especially use the question asked about his choice of English major to elaborate more, in addition to his introspection about his career as an actor. Susan

5. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-13-2005 17:56
Author: COOPER, VANESSA BETH <expecto_patronum@mail.utexas.edu>
Subject In years past, we've had Wes Craven, director of Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream, J.B. Rogers, the director...


In years past, we've had Wes Craven, director of Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream, J.B. Rogers, the director of American Pie 2 and Say It Isn't So, and Peter Honess the editor of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This is just a small typo, but there should be a comma after Honess. In years past, we've had Wes Craven, director of Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream, J.B. Rogers, the director of American Pie 2 and Say It Isn't So, and Peter Honess, the editor of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This was really entertaining! If you wanted to expand a little, maybe talk to Owen a little more about your personal UT experiences? Great job, Noel!

6. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-13-2005 18:12
Author: KNOX, ELEANORE LAVELLE <e.knox@mail.utexas.edu>
Subject Our UFA conference is your opportunity to be in the presence of and obtain the wisdom of celebrities and industry whizzes.


Our UFA conference is your opportunity to be in the presence of and obtain the wisdom of celebrities and industry whizzes. I think this sentence sounds a little fake, just because of the "of"s. Perhaps you could rewrite as such: "Our UFA conference is your oppotunity to meet celebrities and industry whizzes in an intimate setting. Just you, and your two hundred closest acquantances. Just kidding, guys, but..." I read this in the Carouthers computer lab, which was a mistake, because the other people are obviously annoyed due to my obnoxious laughter. The picture of "you" and Owen Wilson- oh man, I died. Anyway, I think you could defintely expand if you could somehow figure out how to relate our discussions in class about not being afraid of the future back to what Owen is saying about dropping out of UT, just without losing the humoreous tone of the piece. I also enjoyed the talking between you and Owen and it would be cool if you could find some refrence to one of the themes in our class in one of the interviews, and then he could share that with you. You could also try and make it so that his dropping out of UT and just going for it, or even his improvisation of his lines, is discovery learning. You did a great job though. Freaking hysterical.

7. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-13-2005 19:32
Author: HUGHES, MEAGAN PATRICIA <meagan.hughes@bba05.mccombs.utexas.edu>
Subject A spattering of clapping as Jesse relinquishes the podium.


hey noel, i really enjoyed reading your project. it was very creative to turn it into a movie script, and also very easy to read:). this sentence isn't a complete one...there is no verb. A spattering of clapping as Jesse relinquishes the podium. possibly change to: A spattering of clapping follows as Jesse relinquished the podium. If you want to add to parts, I would say that you could probably easily go into further depth upon what u are feeling when u often describe what u are doing. I really enjoyed it!!! im so excited for the new harry potter to come out too!

8. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-13-2005 20:09
Author: LOPEZ, THOMAS WARD <thomas.lopez@bba05.mccombs.utexas.edu>
Subject Last year we had Ron Bozman, the producer of The Silence of the Lambs and Philadelphia.


Last year we had Ron Bozman, the producer of The Silence of the Lambs and Philadelphia. Last year we had Ron Bozman, the producer of The Silence of the Lambs and Philadelphia. Yep, thats me being a picky bastard, but it reads better. I like the format, but it feels like not a lot happens. You should expand on the part at the UFA conference when the students are asking him some questions.

9. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-13-2005 22:33
Author: SIBLEY, RACHEL ANNE <rachelsib@gmail.com>
Subject The weekly meeting for the University Film Alliance, or UFA


Should insert a comma after �UFA,� i.e.: �The weekly meeting for the University Film Alliance, or UFA, is in full-swing.� Since spellcheck will probably correct that for you, I�ll give you another: �She is?blatantly inattentive; her visage is blank and she scribbles caricatures drawings of the officers that line the front of?the room.� �charicatures� should either be singular or you should delete the word �drawings�, i.e.: �She is?blatantly inattentive; her visage is blank and she scribbles?caricature drawings of the officers that line the front of?the room.� Or �She is?blatantly inattentive; her visage is blank and she scribbles?caricatures of the officers that line the front of?the room.� I really enjoyed your project. It got a lot closer to you this time, and your characterization of yourself was funny. Perhaps you could expand on it by making some connection to our English class readings � maybe to the �top college movies� and what Owen thinks about them or something like that.
10. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-13-2005 23:15
Author: DILLON, BRIAN ANDREW <briandillon@mail.utexas.edu>
Subject She's about to burst out of her skin, and matters aren't helped when Owen boldly reaches for her hand and gives her a boyish, yet mischievous


She's about to burst out of her skin, and matters aren't helped when Owen boldly reaches for her hand and gives her a boyish, yet mischievous look. The phrase "matters aren't helped" is too conventional. Try something like, "...and is further flustered when..." I loved your script, Noel. It was really enjoyable to read, and the "its all just a dream!" ending was executed marvelously. Its hard to say adding anything would be an improvement, since the timing and momentum of your project is a major asset. However, maybe you could reveal more of your own goals in your dialog with Owen Wilson. Also, what kind of effect does he have on you?
11. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-13-2005 23:27
Author: LAKHIA, MITA KRISHNAKANT <Mita.Lakhia@bba05.mccombs.utexas.edu>
Subject He stands to her side for a few moments, and she finally turns, startled at finding him.


He stands to her side for a few moments, and she finally turns, startled at finding him. I think it should be: He stands to her side for a few moments, and she turns finally noticing him. I think it sounds a bit better. Overall....Noel you're too cute it was written well and I liked it. You could maybe add to the end, feels a bit abrupt. Mita

12. Forum: Project Two
Date: 11-14-2005 18:06
Author: PAREKH, PUJA SUDHIR <pujaparekh@mail.utexas.edu>
Subject She is once again lost in thought, but this time she reflects on the possibilities that were just opened up to her.


I think that creating a script is an ingenious idea. I felt that your transition from Jesse and Brandon seemed a little abrupt, so maybe you could add some more speech to ease the transition. In this sentence I noticed a tense error: She is once again lost in thought, but this time she reflects on the possibilities that were just opened up to her. I think that the word 'were' should be changed to 'have' like this: She is once again lost in thought, but this time she reflects on the possibilities that have just opened up to her. I really liked the script!

MY RESPONSES TO OTHERS P2A

1. Subject Re: Ask Robert Rodriguez to come out and play!


Good job Puja For the most part he responded well to my questions and promptings. That is after I got him warmed up. The beginning of our conversation was something like this: Robert Rodriguez says, "What exactly are we talking about?" You say, "how about you tell me your birthday" Robert Rodriguez [to Nwells]: I would rather not discuss my 'birthday' if it's allright with you... You say, "What is your filmography" Robert Rodriguez [to Nwells]: Tell me yours first! You say, "I don't have a filmography" I don't know why he didn't respond to those keywords, but when I told him I didn' thave a filmography then he cooporated and started telling me his. If you wanted to make your bot more lifelike you should have him him respond to more general questions. Right now it is all about him and the facts, but if you made question responses that would deal with how he was doing, what he was doing, or what he liked, it would be a lot more entertaining and interactive. For instance, I asked him what he was doing at Wendy's and he had no idea what I was talking about. Since he is actually at Wendy's, it would be easy just to include something about him being hungry. I also ask him what he liked to eat: You say, "what do you like to eat?" Robert Rodriguez says, "Hmm, not sure I know.." He completely ignores the question. It would help to change your question responses to something more ROBERT Rodriguez, that way it would make more sense for him to say it. The only reason why I typed so much is because you were interested in making him seem real. I hope that helps! No�l

2. Subject "After my death in 1951 little new ground has been broken in western philosophy because the students who sided with my early and those who sided with my late philosophies mainly argued among themselves and failed to move forward"


Hello Ben "After my death in 1951 little new ground has been broken in western philosophy because the students who sided with my early and those who sided with my late philosophies mainly argued among themselves and failed to move forward" I believe there should be a comma "After my death in 1951, little new ground..." And also, for some reason I really don't like the phrase "little new ground has been broken." Of course, I don't know how to correct it, and my suggestion is stupid. I just thought I'd bring it to your attention just in case you were interested in pleasing my linguistic sensibilities. My only complaint about your bot is having to go back and forth between asking him questions and looking back at the keywords. I liked what Susan did in her bot. Even though you had to go back and forth sometimes, she had further keywords highlighted in her bot's responses. Your bot, however, is to the point and I like that. And this made me laugh. You say, "death and belief" Ludwig Wittgenstein says, "Im a fool. You have a dreadful teacher! Im just too stupid today [22]. " No�l

3. Subject Re: Sweatt goes botty


Thanks for giving good directions on how to find him. It helps a lot. I'm sure you are probably aware, but even the large picture of Sweatt isn't working. One thing about your Bot: As soon as I came in the room he started talking immediately about his history. I tried saying "hi" and he didn't understand that. Just as an opener and to make it more conversational it would be nice to sort of warm up to him. I liked the use of BOLD to give me more keywords. It made it easy to follow a train of thought and to go through all of the information provided. I like how you incorporated "the note" to make it seem like we were really about to timidly ask him questions. And for some reason, I really got the feeling of a sense of place from your opening description of him. Good job! No�l
4. Subject "the noise of people singing hymns! The racket made me unhappy. "


You say, "what is the balliol chapel?" Aldous Huxley [to Nwells]: the balliol chapel? I'm not sure i understand.. You say, "balliol chapel" Aldous Huxley [to Nwells]: the noise of people singing hymns! The racket made me unhappy. You say, "balliol chapel made you unhappy?" Aldous Huxley [to Nwells]: This version was very controversial, you know. To be honest, You say, "what are your views on religion?" Aldous Huxley says, "I would rather not discuss my 'views on religion' if it's allright with you..." You say, "religion" Aldous Huxley [to Nwells]: My religious beliefs are somewhat complex and even appear contradictory at first. I strive to be both pragmatic and mystical...... When I got him to respond to Balliol Chapel, he said "the noise of people singing hymns! The racket made me unhappy." I was really confused by that. I didn't know if the sentence was starting with "the noise" or if something might have gotten cut off. Either way it still confuses me because that was all he had to say about Balliol Chapel, and I didn't understand the significance. Did it interrupt his work? I guess so, and maybe I'm just being dim. I don't know how you could go about doing this, I have nearly forgotten how to work the MOO, but maybe you can make him respond more to questions, like "What are your views on religion" can actually get his response to his views on religion, as well as using just the plain keyword. That way it would be a more authentic conversation. I like his clinical style. He sounds kind of uptight-- just the kind of person who would hate church bells. No�l
5. Subject "Wow, so long ago I was here. The things I did then I will never forget.�"


"Wow, so long ago I was here.� The things I did then I will never forget.�" I think this sentence can just be reworded a little bit: Perhaps Walter would have said .... "I will never forget the things I did then" or another way of switching that around to make it not so awkward. Stories like Walter's are most definitely inspiring. OH! And speaking of "definitely" I think that a few times you switched it (or your computer automatically did) to defiantly instead. One time defiantly seemed to work, and that was in reference to you thinking about dropping out of school and another time was further on when Walter was giving you advice to stay in school. Minor mistakes, course! Good Job No�l
6.� Subject "Tolkien stared at the creature wordless � a rather unusual state for an Oxford professor."


"Tolkien stared at the creature wordless � a rather unusual state for an Oxford professor." I don't know if this is grammatically correct? For some reason I feel it should be "Tolkien stared at the creature wordlessly � a rather unusual state for an Oxford professor." However, I could be mistaken. Your dialogue is very smooth and the narrative style is enjoyable to read. You are right, however, about connecting it more to the place. It would help with a better sense of 'connection' No�l
7.� Subject No Luck


Brian, I searched for "MLK Statue" in every room and was not able to find it. Sorry No�l
8.� Subject "I was beginning to get very tired of trying to do my logic homework outside of the Wendy�s in the Union: once or twice I had referred to my notes, but they made no sense, �and what is the use of notes for a subject,� I thought, �that doesn�t make sense


"I was beginning to get very tired of trying to do my logic homework outside of the Wendy�s in the Union: once or twice I had referred to my notes, but they made no sense, �and what is the use of notes for a subject,� I thought, �that doesn�t make sense anyway?�" The opening sentence usually should have a lot of punch and be "hammered into unity." If I were you, I would simplify the beginning of the sentence to "Outside the Union Wendy's, I sat growing very tired of attempting my logic homework: once or twice..........." Your sense of humor really tickles me! The dialogue between you and Berke as well as the LSD cat were very enjoyable. That being said, sometimes your characters ramble on into almost run-on sentences, and though that is more realistic to the way people talk, maybe for cohesiveness sake you can work on compacting these sentences or breaking them up into smaller ones. No�l
9.Subject "Sill, Nebrija was proud of his alma mater � it was, after all, one of the finest and oldest universities in Europe � and he viewed this necessary change as a tangible, if irksome, testament to the greatness of �his� institution."


"Sill, Nebrija was proud of his alma mater � it was, after all, one of the finest and oldest universities in Europe � and he viewed this necessary change as a tangible, if irksome, testament to the greatness of �his� institution." Unless it's some use of the word sill that I don't understand, I'm pretty sure that is "Still, Nebrija was proud of his alma mater � it was, after all, one of the finest and oldest universities in Europe � and he viewed this necessary change as a tangible, if irksome, testament to the greatness of �his� institution." Also, I found the interjection "if irksome" rather irksome. Is there a better way to show that silmultaneous view? I'm not sure if there is, so I do not wish you make a correction to it. I wasn't sure if it was the red you added in. I suppose my only complaint is that I didn't see how the drunken rant to the boy supports the claim at the end about pursing your goals in the face of opposition. Then again, it was very good and I just needed to nit-pick for my points. No�l
10.� Subject "I looked around the room as a last attempt to maintain consciousness, but my eyes were caught by the stunning moonlight that was seeping in through my window"


"I looked around the room as a last attempt to maintain consciousness, but my eyes were caught by the stunning moonlight that was seeping in through my window" If I were you I would take out 'that' and 'in' in this sentence, just so it gets to the point faster and perhaps flow better: "I looked around the room as a last attempt to maintain conciousness, but my eyes were caught by the stunning moonlight seeping through my window" However, the decision is completely up to you since it is not grammatically incorrect. You did a fantastic job of creating a sense of place on campus. The dialogue that mediated your walk was well placed as well. As far as suggestions, you might just try working on "hammering into unity" and by that I mean cutting out superfluous words like in the sentence I chose: words like in that which and so on that just add to the sentence sometimes take away the impact. I think this was a great improvement! No�l

11. Subject Growing up is a problem....


Hey Laura Thank you for the very explicit instructions on how to get to your bot. It would have been impossible to find him otherwise. The conversation started out fine with "Hello." He seemed to already have a personality with his response. However, it got very difficult from there. It was hard for me to get him to respond to "book" in an actual sentence or question, so finally I just had to type in the keyword. That's understandable. However, I tried to go from there, asking him about "growing up" near the Mexican border. This is how the conversation went: You say, "How was growing up in Texas by the mexican border?" Oscar Casares says, "Hmm, not sure I know.." You say, "Growing up" Oscar Casares says, "Where'd you think up a name like 'Nwells' anyway?" You say, "GROWING" Oscar Casares says, "hmm, is that so.." You say, "Up" Oscar Casares says, "What exactly are we talking about?" You say, "Mexican Border" Oscar Casares says, "oh yeah?" You say, "Texas" Oscar Casares says, "Can you go over that again please.." As you can see, it didn't really go anywhere. I think the problem may be that you typed in "growing up" for the actual keyword when the MOO only will take a one word keyword. So for situations like that, I used the bigger keyword of the phrase, and in this case, "Growing" would be best. Other than that, when he does respond you do make him seem to have a personality, even if he is just a bot of the other dude.