Vanessa Cooper

The people who influence me the most are my friends. I spend the majority of my time with them, and their opinions are the ones that matter to me the most. When my roommate and I first came to Austin, all of our possessions packed up in boxes, we were nervous. We were nervous, but we had each other. She is my best friend, and she is my rock, a piece of Houston that came with me when I moved.

Honestly, I was afraid to make new friends when I came to college. I have three best friends at home and my best friend here in Austin, and we’re so close that I was afraid that I would never find that closeness with anyone in this new city. Soon, however, we met some people who introduced us to more people, and before we knew it we had formed a coherent group of friends. Some of these new friends are foreign exchange students from England. My American friends and I were intrigued by their culture and loved spending time with them. I’ve learned so much from them: not just new phrases, but also about the mindset and views of a different country than my own.

Our new group of friends did virtually everything together; we went to all the home football games and made the trek to Dallas for OU weekend together, the girls watched the boys play flag football every Sunday, we watched Desperate Housewives together every week. In short, this group of people has impacted my freshman year at UT an incredible amount. The most important thing that I’ve taken away from them is the fact that I can indeed make friends when placed in a new situation. I was afraid at first, but now I find myself meeting new people with less anxiety because I have gained this confidence. Like Jane Eyre, by becoming familiar with myself and my strength and learning that I am able to find friends in new situations, I found out that “It was my time to assume ascendancy. My powers were in play, and in force.”[i] I’ve gained knowledge about new people, a new place (Austin), and also about myself.

I now feel that Houston is no longer my home; Austin is. I have a family in Houston, but I also have a “family” of sorts here in Austin. Like a creature taken out of its habitat, I have adapted to my new environment. The tough part will come this summer, when I will have to go back to my old home. I will miss my UT friends, but none more than my friends from England who will be returning to their old homes soon. The thing that I forget sometimes is that, as much as I would like to stay forever, UT is a temporary home. It was temporary for me this year, as well as for our friends from England. At some point I will have to move on.

In addition to learning about myself through my new friends and new situations, I’ve gained knowledge about my learning style through my classes. This class has been particularly helpful in showing me what works and what doesn’t. At the beginning of the year, my Meyers-Briggs test showed that I prefer to learn through an active lesson to a monotonous one, and I think that throughout the year as our class traveled around campus and interacted with each other during group discussions I was not only able to learn more than I would have merely listening to a lecture, but I was also able to form new friendships and acquaintances with my classmates. My need for “movement” and “oral work” was met through our classes.

I have found, as I said in my first learning record, that I tend to leap headfirst into writing my papers without planning them first. Last semester, both Projects 1 and 2 were definitely examples of this. I did no pre-planning whatsoever, and instead sat looking at the computer screen until inspiration struck. As indicated by the description of my learning style, I was able to outline the first draft after finishing and edit it. The “outline” for the papers that remains in my head while writing can be seen in the papers 1 and 2 B in my portfolio. This characteristic is stated in the description of being an “extrovert.”

My “feeling” style is also demonstrated through this way of writing because I write with the “flow” of my thoughts. A weakness of doing this, however, is that I often encounter writers’ block, many times with papers in this course. More examples of writing with the “flow” of my thoughts are the journals in my portfolio. Reading through these, I remembered that I always wait for an inspiration and then go into a kind of “zone” in order to write them.

Although the test described me as an “extrovert,” I still feel like this is semi-inaccurate description. I am still working on becoming better at volunteering in my classes, and I know that I will be forced to try harder next year.

A very important part of our class is peer-editing. By looking over my responses to others’ projects in my portfolio, I realized that this goes along with my learning style also. When my classmates are involved and helpful, I feel that it is easier to understand how other people read and interpret my work, and thus easier to correct.

I believe that the learning style indicated by the Meyers-Briggs test is almost completely accurate, save a few anomalies. This class has been very helpful in determining what does and does not work for me as a student.

In addition to helping me discover new academic strategies, this class has helped me to contemplate things that go beyond myself through activities like meditation and nature writing. Because our class was so different from any other class I have ever had, I found it easier to stretch my mind and think about things that I have never thought about before. To me, high school was extremely boring; World Literature has been a huge change from what I had been used to last year. Exploring UT as well as my own mind has proved to be incredibly exciting and useful.

One of my consistent goals throughout the year has been to gain knowledge. On my quest for that which is greater than myself, which will continue long after this class is over, I believe that this goal is essential. By gaining new information about things around me, I feel that I have been able to relate better to things higher than myself. Another thing that has helped me relate is knowing who I am to begin with. By “holding fast to what I believe in,” I have been sure that I have had a basis around which I have changed and grown. I’m not looking to change myself completely, but simply to continue to grow in my new college environment. By changing and growing in this way, especially this year, I have begun to develop my personality while retaining morals that I feel should not be compromised. I have also been in touch with internal things and how I am affected rather than merely the external forces around me.

Another goal that I have had is to discover what I am meant to do with my life. By going on this “quest” through college and using the activities in this class to stretch my mind, I feel that I have been able to begin to accomplish this goal. By branching out and trying new things, I have been able to have a wide variety of new experiences and have begun find something that I feel I can make a career out of. Going along with this goal is my added goal of “stepping outside my comfort zone.” Most of my classes thus far only require me to turn in work and take tests, but this class is different. This year, I feel that it has helped me by forcing me to do things that are new and things that I am not necessarily comfortable with, such as speaking in class. I will take this goal outside of this class and throughout my college career by trying to talk to new people on a regular basis. I feel that an important part of learning about things outside myself will be to learn about and from other people.

By working on all of these goals during this year, I believe that I have been able to get in touch with something higher than myself and my ego. I feel that this class has been an essential part of this process, and I also feel that now, at the end of this semester, I have matured a lot and definitely have a greater awareness of the world around me as well as of myself. This whole process of discovering who I am has made me ready to take on my sophomore year of college.

Some specific experiences that have shaped who I am stand out in my mind. This semester, more than ever, we have been reminded of our mortality and of how fleeting our time here on earth really is. But we are also shown that “there must be wisdom with great Death.”[ii] With Willie’s death, we have been taught a valuable lesson. As I sat in the church at Willie’s service on that stormy Sunday, I noticed the incredible number of people packed in the pews. I looked around and wondered at how amazing it was that he was able to touch so many people.

The night before I found out that Willie died, I had a dream about our class. We were all standing on a ledge overlooking the botanical gardens at Zilker Park, and down below, Willie was grinning from ear to ear and waving frantically at us. We were all surprised but very happy to see him, and I remember feeling sad but being confused as to why. The class waved back. We followed Professor Bump into a classroom (I don’t know why there was a classroom at Zilker Park), and he told us that we were each going to go talk to Willie one at a time. I watched a few people leave and come back in silence, and finally it was my turn. I left to talk to him, and I as looked over the ledge again, I saw him talking to a group of children who were seated in the garden. I got the sense that Willie was comforting them. Soon after this, I woke up. Lying in bed for a minute, I tried to make sense of my dream. Then it hit me—I checked my email for any news of Willie, and sat in stunned silence as I read the email from Professor Bump and simultaneously realized the significance of my dream.

Was Willie reaching out to me through my dream? I like to think so. Because I believe in Heaven, I feel very strongly that he is there. I saw him in a beautiful, natural setting that we had visited as a class (Willie had been able to come), and I know in my heart that he is in Paradise. I think the fact that I never really got to say goodbye to Willie in my dream mirrors the regret that I feel for not getting to know him as well as I would have liked to when he was alive. This is part of the reason that I decided to go to the ceremony in Dallas. Though I will never again have the chance to know Willie here on Earth, part of me felt like I needed to do what I could anyway. After hearing all that his friends and family had to say, I feel like I do know him, at least a little better than I did.

I feel guilty about my grief. I think about how sad I am, and then I think about Willie’s family and close friends. If this is hard for me, how hard is it for them? I can’t even imagine. But the fact remains that I do feel grief, whether I have the right to or not. Willie has touched my life, and I can’t help that I miss him being in our World Lit class or that I miss him sitting next to me in math. I think about him often. All of this has put a lot of things in perspective for me. How could I have possibly imagined all that I would learn this year? I feel like I’ve grown a lot as a person, thanks in large part to Willie. My problems seem insignificant; in the grand scheme of things, they don’t really matter. This is the lesson that Professor Bump spoke about at the flag lowering ceremony: understanding the value of life. It has been the most important thing that I have learned this year. Willie has blessed me with this lesson. He valued life and lived it to the fullest; I know that I should strive to do the same. He has also brought us together as a class, something else I am thankful for. I feel so much emotion, but I can’t think of how to put it into words. There is a lyric in “Feel the Silence” by the Goo Goo Dolls that strikes me as an accurate summary of what Willie has taught me: “Everything means more now than words could explain.” And indeed everything does mean more to me now. Life, my religion, my family, and my friends are all things that I have sometimes taken for granted. Willie has done me the enormous favor of reminding me of their significance.

While I listened to his friends and family give testimony to the ways in which Willie had changed their lives, it became increasingly clear to me that because we have only a short time in which to leave our mark, it is important that we know what our goals are and constantly strive to achieve them. I want to know that when I die my spirit will live on through my contributions to the world around me. I want to “force [my] heart and nerve and sinew to serve [my] turn long after they are gone.”[iii]

On the other hand, many people want to make money and to have a “stable” lifestyle; indeed, “it [has] become generally accepted that good money and good brains [can] produce artificially a passable enough facsimile of acceptable social standing.”[iv] But what is my higher purpose? What will I leave behind when I am gone? The answer has been staring me in the face for some time now. All of us have been blessed with the chance to receive a college education. I feel extremely fortunate to have been given this opportunity to learn and achieve, and I feel that I should use it in the best way possible. Because “public universities exist to serve society,”[v] I want give this gift of knowledge to someone else, to “focus on the greatest of all resources – the human intellect.”[vi] What greater gift could I give than the knowledge that has been given to me?

I have been comfortable with my surroundings for my whole life: I’ve lived in the same house for eighteen years, and having my best friend with me in college has helped enormously. Although the university was a new and exciting place for me at the beginning of the year, I now feel very comfortable in my Austin surroundings.

I’ve always imagined myself as an explorer; playing make-believe when I was younger always involved traveling to some far-away place where no one had gone before. This longing for adventure led to me wanting to be an astronaut, since most places on Earth have been trod upon by man. “The Final Frontier” seemed to offer what I wanted at the time: a new and exciting adventure, but I soon realized that I could have adventures while still keeping my feet on the ground. Though I’ve done my fair share of traveling, it’s always been in a comfortable tourist situation with my family. It’s about time that I forced myself to be uncomfortable. Believe it or not, uncomfortable is what I want to be. I want to test myself and discover who I really am. I believe that a person’s true personality comes through when they are out of their comfort zone; what someone does in a demanding, stressful situation tells far more about who he is than what he does in his everyday surroundings. I think that I am the type of person who needs this experience; I need to be thrown into the middle of unfamiliar territory and to be completely disoriented in order to find my way and to find my true personality.

Living in a foreign country is something I would consider “uncomfortable.” It would be a new situation, one I am entirely unfamiliar with. Last semester I wrote a paper in which I asserted that one of my goals is to learn to speak Spanish. Next summer, I plan to take a huge step toward this goal by studying abroad in Spain. Part of this journey will be to experience a new culture; I want to reach outside myself towards things greater than the ego.

Many things about Latin culture interest me, and I want to witness them first hand. I’d love to see Santiago de Compostela (something I will always remember from this course), dance the Flamenco, and view famous paintings by Spanish artists. I am also fascinated by “magical realism,” a type of Latin literature that seamlessly blends the phantasmal creations of the author’s imagination with reality. This fascination stems from a book I read in high school, One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez. How amazing would it be if one day I was able to read this book in its original language?

I’ve often thought of attempting to learn French or Italian, but then I asked myself what good would either of those languages do for me in Texas? I suppose when I came to college I wasn’t completely sure I was going to stay in Texas after I graduated. I had grown up in Houston, which is definitely not my favorite city. I then moved to Austin and realized something; I realized that I love Texas and couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else. Austin has become my home, and I will be extremely sad to leave it for the summer. It was coming here to the university that changed my mind about moving away. Staying in Texas means that I will be exposed to a large number of Spanish-speakers on a daily basis. This is a major reason why I’ve decided to learn Spanish; when all is said and done, I will be able to come home to Texas and use my skill with more frequency than if I had chosen to take on another language.

Besides convincing me to live in Texas, my college experience thus far, if nothing else, has made me aware that there exists an entire world out there for me to discover. It has given me a thirst for more knowledge and experience, and I will be able to satiate part of this thirst through my opportunity to study abroad. In my particular situation, I feel that the best way to pass on the gift I have been given and the passion I have developed is to reach out to people who have not had the same opportunities to learn that I have had. I want to use the knowledge I will gain of Spanish to teach English to less fortunate children in Spanish-speaking countries.

In order to accomplish this goal, my primary focus during my time here at the University of Texas is to take every opportunity to learn and gain a diverse amount of knowledge. This ultimate goal has been an important rule of my actions all year. My classes are rigorous and the workload is heavy, inundating me with a large amount of information. In order to even begin to put myself on the path toward achieving my “vision,” I first must soak up all of this knowledge and graduate from the University of Texas with a degree. College is something that is and always has been very important to me, and I take it very seriously. I know that a college education is the key to accomplishing the majority of my life goals, especially teaching English to Spanish-speakers.

Usually, the academic requirement for English teaching positions in places like Mexico is a university degree and a “Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages” or “TESOL” certificate. The TESOL certificate course is an intensive, one-month program that provides a basic introduction to language teaching methods and gives students a chance to practice teaching. The courses are offered worldwide by a many different organizations. Obtaining a TESOL certificate after graduating from college would undoubtedly be the next step to achieving my “vision.” I feel that it would be a valuable tool for preparing me to leave the country and teach students whose native language is not English.

After receiving the appropriate credentials and preparing myself mentally, the hard part will begin. No amount of training will be able to prepare me completely for the journey ahead. I will have to leave behind everything I am familiar with: my friends, my family, and my lifestyle. This is the part where I will step outside the box and reach for something higher than myself. “The charm of adventure sweetens [the prospect of experiencing a new place], the glow of pride warms it, but then the throb of fear disturbs it.”[vii] Moving to another country is something that I know I will struggle with at first. In the end, though, I believe the payoff will be far greater than the small amount of discomfort I will feel. The gift I will give is more important than whether or not I am immediately comfortable in new surroundings.

I feel that experiencing a different culture than the one I’ve known all my life, both while studying abroad and while teaching, is a way to not only respect and appreciate another way of life, but also to respect and appreciate my own. By observing differences, I will learn to appreciate unique characteristics of our American society, and by observing similarities, I will be able to better understand the bonds that we as humans share and how everyone on Earth is connected.

I am looking forward to getting out into the world and experiencing many new things. College is the exact place that I am supposed to be during this time in my life, but I know that I will eventually become restless, feel that longing for exploration and discovery, and I will need to escape this bubble. Traveling to unfamiliar places and taking challenging risks will result in the emergence of my true self, and through my “adventures” and exploration, I will be able to leave behind a “ghost” that I am proud of.

I have evolved an incredible amount this year. I have found that I am strong and independent enough to be able to make new friends when thrown into an unfamiliar situation. I have experienced the loss of a classmate and felt a new and confusing kind of grief. I have come the closest to love that I have ever been with someone that I met for the first time this year and who is part of a different culture than my own. I have not only learned from my friends, though. I have learned from my professors and academic work as well. Plan II has opened up my eyes to new possibilities. I have always hated math, but this year I encountered one of the best teachers I have ever had when taking Plan II math. I never thought I would enjoy the subject, but thanks to this amazing professor, I did. However, this class has been the cornerstone in my evolutionary process. By stretching my mind and experiencing a completely new approach to education (discovery learning!), I have learned more about my school and myself than I ever thought I could.

Word count: LR Midterm Revised: 1534 + 88 for quotes = 1622

LR Final: 1534 + 2477 = 4011 + 90 for quotes = 4101

URL: https://webspace.utexas.edu/vbc67/E603/LRFinalNH.htm

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[i] Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre (New York: Norton & Company, 2001), 380.

[ii]John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman (Boston: Bay Back Books, 1969), 364.

[iii]Rudyard Kipling,“Quotations” in Composition and Reading in World Literature E603A, ed. Jerome Bump (Austin: Jenn’s Copying and Binding, 2005), 302.

[iv]John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman (Boston: Bay Back Books, 1969), 79.

[v]Peter T. Flawn, “Annual Address to the Faculty,” October 16, 1984, in Composition and Reading in World Literature E603A, ed. Jerome Bump (Austin: Jenn’s Copying and Binding, 2005), 306.

[vi]Peter T. Flawn, “Annual Address to the Faculty,” October 16, 1984, in Composition and Reading in World Literature E603A, ed. Jerome Bump (Austin: Jenn’s Copying and Binding, 2005), 307.

[vii] Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre (New York: Norton & Company, 2001), 80.