Looking over the various goal lists that I’ve made for this class, I found that most of my goals are related specifically to the ego, not to reaching beyond it. Reflexively, because of the directions for this assignment, I felt that this was a flaw in my goals. However with some thought, I’ve decided that this is not the case.
Of course it is important to reach out and know what is beyond the ego, but before this is feasible, a person must reach in and analyze himself. Up until this last year I’d never kept a journal, and I’d never been encouraged to write much about me. In high school I learned to reach out and understand art, literature, and history, but not really myself. When I started this course I most needed to understand my ego, my emotions, and my thoughts. As a result most of the goals that I made were directed at inner understanding, not at reaching out.
A lot has changed since my first week in college though. I’ve written pages and pages about how literature makes me feel. I’ve taken a semester off and traveled. Once I spent almost a week alone in the desert with nothing to do other than climb boulders and think and write about myself. Obviously, I’ve made much needed progress towards understanding myself and my goals for my life. So I do not see my ego-oriented goals as mistakes, but instead as necessary steps towards being able to reach out and connect with what is beyond the ego.
Nature is something outside of me that has deeply inspired me. While I appreciate the beauty and feel connected to many different places, I find vast expanses of empty desert exceedingly awesome. As I said before, the time I’ve spent in the desert has led to personal revelations and moments of inspiration from beyond the ego. One of my goals now that I’m back in school is to make some time throughout the semester to drop it all and go to the desert. Utah is too far for a weekend, but I’ve been reading of places that I want to experience in Mexico in the Chihuahuan desert. I think I could make it over a long weekend. I have a firm goal for the semester to go south and gain a connection with the Mexican desert.
I can’t drive to Mexico too often though, so I need to work on understanding what is beyond the ego here in Austin as well. I think the best way to achieve this is by exercising my sympathetic imagination more and more. A strong sympathetic imagination would bring me increased appreciation of literature, as well as a greater understanding of people. Since use of the sympathetic imagination is one of the main focuses of this course, I’m sure that mine will be much stronger by the end of the semester.