Alexandra Fu
E603B – 33660
Seeking Meaning as the Path to Compassion
Leadership Vision P4B – May
1, 2007
ÒWhether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages will show.Ó
– First sentence of David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
[1] As students, as intellectuals, and even more
primitively, just as humans, we are forever seeking, questioning, and pursuing.
Regardless of what it is that we are looking for – achievement of our
goals, fulfillment of a dream, purpose in life, significant relationships
– the search never ends. In a utopian world, there would be no need for
this endless and often futile questing; but it is our defiance of that futility
that urges us on to seek the heights and to exalt our passions. In pursuing my
passion for compassion, I seek not an absolute truth, but rather a sense of
meaning that expands as we mature and develop. I strive to lend compassion,
rather than judgment or criticism, to those who need it. The truth often seems
to be something of the divine, as humans rarely seem capable of it, but meaning
is something we can all find and define for ourselves. My perception of the
world – my Weltanschauung
– leads me to believe that particularly poignant meanings that we seek
out for ourselves are often more profound and significant than the so-called
truths that we are told, so I seek meaning in everything I do and am: in
aspirations, in dreams, in life, in relationships, and yes, even in truth.
[2]It was written in the Bible that, Òyou will know
the truth and the truth will set you freeÓ (John 8:32, TNIV). However, I do not
believe that truth alone is the path to freedom. Freedom is useless unless
there is some meaning assigned to it, and it is up to the each of us personally
to choose. My role model, Frank Warren, the founder of PostSecret, does not
pick which postcards to post for his audience of thousands by drawing them at
random out of a bag. He chooses them, decisively and deliberately. His sense of
compassion draws on meaning from all walks of life so that the postcards might
best reach out to everyone. As the facilitator, Warren Òjuxtapose[s] the cards
in a way that's balanced and non-judgmentalÓ[3]
in order to lead each individual to their own definition of what a postcard
might mean to them, and consequently, how that affects them.
That ability to connect to those who are lonely and lost both amazes and inspires me to try to achieve the same. Frank Warren is not a saint, or a physician with multiple degrees, or even a social worker; he was a humble man whose simple idea became a catalyst in the changing and even saving of countless of peopleÕs lives. My passion for compassion drove me to believe that a career in pediatrics was the best and most productive outlet, as what better way to fan the spark of humanity than cure the diseases that ail it? But I want to go above and beyond expectation or limitation the way Frank Warren has, and perhaps even fan the spark of compassion into a surprisingly steady flame to warm those who do not know or have kindness in their lives. I continue to find that more often than not, medicine is not the therapy sought by that those in true and dire need of healing. While my primary search and goal in life is to be able to help others wholly and purely, helping those find meaning in otherwise barren lives is my visionary plan.
[4]
My
thirteen-some-odd years in the public school system thus far dictate that I
have to be that physician with multiple degrees in order to change the world.
I, like so many other college students, have been conditioned to believe that
at our age, we must go against the grain and stand up for what we believe in;
but in the end, we must follow societyÕs idea of what is acceptable. While I
believe that both self-discovery and a respectable career are important, I
remember the famous, apparently anonymous saying that ÒLife is not about
finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.Ó Therefore, I do not believe
the path I am on will lead me suddenly to a predestined, mature, grown-up
version of myself. It is up to me to create and choose both my path and my
identity.
However,
I had always thought that the path best suited for me was that of medicine, to
pursue a career in pediatrics. I laid that path out for myself: I took advanced
anatomy and pathophysiology courses in high school; I would take intensive
biology courses in college; I [5]
would go to med school, go through years of internship and residencyÉ and
hopefully, somehow, discover that I am suddenly a successful, well-liked,
well-to-do doctor somewhere down the line. However, now I finally am in
college, and I find myself questioning not my goals, but more importantly, my
motives. How can I know what I want to do for the rest of my life if I do not
even know what is driving me? I finally realized that if I just counted on
somehow finding myself, I would not like what I found unless I deliberately
chose how I got there and who I was in the end.
As
I reconsider my future, ideas like changing my major or expanding my
extracurricular activities come to mind. However, I cannot shake the feeling
that there is more to life than numbers and grades, majors and degrees, cars
and careers. In seeking the heights and to exalt my passions, I want to rise
above the mundane. I want to, like Frank Warren, be able to connect strangers
and unify the masses. Rather than merely telling others what has been told to
me, I want to Òguide someone else toward experiences that [I] have personally
realized, not just toward a theoretical ideal.Ó[6]
I do not believe that I have to give up my social or occupational dreams in
order to do this, but perhaps find a way to better integrate my idealistic
dreams with my practical goals.
Ever more, I find myself seeking connection in
self-reflection or with people rather than with work. Small things, like study
sessions that consist of theological debates rather than chemistry homework,
make up the little kernels of inspiration in my personal life, and drive me to
give back the same. Growing up, I always enjoyed helping people more than I
enjoyed immersing myself in books or coursework as a way to give back to the
community. Various volunteer projects and opportunities have given me insight
as to what I truly love best; on a grander scale, I am considering opportunities
like going into the Peace Corps after I graduate college rather than straight
into graduate school, because that is when I feel the most alive. That search,
that kind of outreach, that ability to give hope to those who cannot see any,
is what motivates me and makes me want to help others.
[7] I envision a path for myself devoid of road
markers or, perhaps more applicable to our society, GPS systems. While I am
able to admit when I need help, I am breaking free of the misconception that
Òthinking for myselfÓ is just Òthinking the opposite of whatever I have been
told.Ó Sometimes I agree with the authorities and traditions, and sometimes I
may be fighting against the driving current, but who I need to be in the future
does not need to be someone who was made by others. I may not become who I
currently think I will, but so long as the journey is an experience that helps
me grow into better person unto myself, and that helps me better the lives of
others, I will know it was worthwhile.
Essentially, first and foremost, my plan is to
change myself before I can change the world. Leaders are exactly that because
the forge a path for others to follow; they donÕt stand in the rear ranks and
tell others what to do. After all, Òto be of most service to others we must
face our own doubts, needs, and resistances.Ó[8]
I have no goal set in stone that I feel I must accomplish before my life is
fulfilled, because there are new opportunities every day for me to find
significance in the things that might seem otherwise meaningless, and for me to
help those who may not seem to need it for we must not forget that while Òthe
attachment to the role of helper is frequently reinforced by training that
often contributes to a confusion between role and skill,Ó[9]
but it does not necessarily always take skill or the ability to prescribe drugs
to help someone, perhaps just a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. For me, the quest never really ends.
Life is a journey, not merely a means to a destination, and I mean to make the
most of that journey before going home.