For almost an entire year now, the temple replica on the top of the UT Tower has loomed overhead, constantly reminding me, "Know Thyself," and thus becoming the source of many guilty pangs. I do not know myself very well right now, at least not by our culture's standards: my career, my major, and even my college of choice are all vague decisions at best. Although I have already learned a lot about myself during my first year of college, I feel inadequately prepared to form a detailed leadership vision for my life right now. Yet if not now, then when?

In order to answer that question, I would like to go back to the shores of Waller Creek, where Nature herself reminds us that good things come…with lots and lots of patience. I would be remiss if I did not heed the wisdom of God's creation when it tells us to slow down and simply be. So when my thoughts become frantic, obsessively repeating the phrase "This is your life - are you who you want to be?" like the popular Switchfoot song, I now stop myself and calmly reflect that I do not have to have- cannot, in fact, have - my life all planned out yet. A specific leadership vision may begin to materialize in the years to come, but for now I know that no matter what organizations I get involved in or what job I take, if I am developing a "cultivated mind…guided and controlled by virtue," then I can work towards becoming a successful leader in all of them - the hero of my own life. I can be enough.

Figure 1 - I want to blossom into a beautiful person, inside and out

Although many people gain their sense of worth - their sense of being 'enough' for themselves, their family, their society, etc. - by judging their extrinsic successes, the intrinsic successes are vastly more consequential. If I become CEO of a major corporation yet fall to habits such as cheating and lying to get there, I would not consider myself 'good enough.' On the other hand, if I constantly work to improve myself intrinsically, the positive habits that result will almost certainly lead to extrinsic successes, as well. One of my main tasks, therefore, is to push myself to eliminate flaws and instill new and positive characters in their place.

This never-ending growth and change is really a characteristic of the 'cultivated mind,' a mind willing to learn and discover new things at any age. In The Color Purple, Alice Walker describes this process of self-discovery as "keeping alive…the desire to know." We explored this characteristic through discovery learning in this class, which challenges us to think for ourselves. Too often we rely on just enough thinking to get us by, without really pushing ourselves to learn more or do more. For "it's all too common you see, Complacency, / the common place to be…It's…your heart's fire quit / that is the thing to hate, / the address many own in the Desert of the Safe." Yes, I could get by without pushing myself to grow, but if I want a fruitful life, I need to challenge myself to excel rather than coast. By opening my mind to continuous development, and with a virtuous core to guide it, I will be able to make wise decisions concerning my future leadership.

Figure 2 - In order to grow we have to learn to think for ourselves, like this famous Thinker!

How do I develop this virtue that will guide and control my actions? I believe the phrase 'everything you do, do in love' appropriately sums it up. To do something in love first of all means calming the mind in order to live in the present, because you cannot hope to do something beneficial for another person until you stop thinking about your own problems long enough to think about theirs. As Dass states in his book, compassion naturally arises out of this awareness, yet too often our fears and insecurities prevent us from expressing that compassion. If we are to really develop virtues that will remain in the core of our being, we need to consciously respond to our natural compassionate inclinations, as well as practice quieting our mind enough to feel these inclinations in the first place.

A conviction for what we are trying to accomplish will help us with these goals. One reason why I admire my role-model, Kenneth Peters, so much is because of his strong convictions; his convictions have made him a leader within the church where he worked and outside of it. Even though he is no longer my youth pastor, I look up to him as a mentor and seek out his advice, which reassures me that being a leader does not have to be limited to your occupation. If I am steadfast in my desire for developing virtuous behaviors, then I will naturally become a leader in every area of my life.

We have tossed around words like 'leader' and 'hero' a lot this semester, and I have determined that at least one quality all leaders have in common is that they take the initiative to do something, whether that's starting a company or protesting a war through passive aggression. Nothing new would ever get started if people didn't take that first step of faith to change the status quo. As Gandhi would instruct, "you must be the change you wish to see in the world." To become an instigator of positive change, though, it will be necessary to have both the 'cultivated mind' and the 'guiding virtue' behind it, for "gifted leadership occurs where heart and head - feeling and thought - meet," virtue being the feeling and the cultivated mind the thought. Real leadership comes through serving others - serving your country, serving your company, serving your family, serving your organization - and it is only when we have both the compassion to see where our catalyst for change is needed and the wisdom gained from a curious and seeking mind that we can effectively serve those around us.

Figure 3 -Serving your country is just one example of how to be a leader

Because my goal is to be the leader of my own life, I know that my future will be filled with service; I just don't know the specifics of where and how. I have felt some leanings towards the field of education and a calling to serve students who are going through their own identity search. I will need a lot more experience myself to be ready to do so effectively whether it's becoming an expert in one field such as theology or concentrating on general psychology and education courses. I am not sure exactly what subject, age-group, or specific job this will entitle, but sharing truth in a fervent and exciting way, whether it's the truths of the Gospel or the truths of geometry, is a high and noble calling that I would be glad to focus on for the rest of my life. Whatever my actual career, though, the more important aspect of my future is the character I develop on the way, which will benefit me in any job or role I might fill.

Figure 4 -Teaching, like any other field, is really about serving

In the end, a job is just one more role that we fill for a short time in our lives, and my 'cultivated mind' as well as the 'virtue' behind it are what count, what make me 'enough.' I do not have to be a leader of thousands, or even hundreds in order to make a difference and live my life as the kind of person I really want to be, no matter what Fortune500 magazine or the History Channel tell me. History is littered with people who led unglamorous lives filled with mistakes and even failures but who made a positive impact on the world around them, and they did not have it all planned out by eighteen. Even Jesus, who didn't start his ministry until the age of thirty, led a humble and difficult life, shunned by the world around him. "He hath no form nor comliness…he is despised and rejected of men." Yet he introduced a global religion impacting millions of people ever since he lived and died. Seeing this example reminds me that I do not need to fret about my major or getting a summer job to the point of distraction; when I do this I need to still my mind and ask God to help me be ok with who I am and what I am doing right now in this moment. It is no use worrying about whether I am good enough, smart enough, or wise enough. My only job in the present is to open my awareness so that I can cultivate my mind and spirit, becoming everyday more of the person both God and I know I can be. "I can but trust that good shall fall / At last - far off - at last, to all, / And every winter change to spring."

First Draft Word Count (no quotes): 1,140
Word Count after Cuts: 1,059
Final Count (no quotes): 1,391
DB Word Count: 3,010

Footnotes

1 - Switchfoot, "This Is Your Life." The Beautiful Letdown: Columbia Records, 2003.
2 - Lamar, Maribeau B. (1798-1859)
Figure 1 - http://www.limeyinbermuda.com/photos/bermuda_in_colour/lily.html
3 - Alice Walker, The Color Purple. (Orlando: Harcourt Books, 2003), p. 132.
4 - Quoted by Kenneth Peters to Amanda Jones, c. 2004
5 - Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
6 - Daniel Goleman, "Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence," in Composition and Reading in World Literature, ed. by Jerome Bump (Austin: Jenn's, 2006), 62-69, p. 62.
7 - Isaiah 53:2-3 in in Composition and Reading in World Literature, ed. by Jerome Bump (Austin: Jenn's, 2007), 60-69, p. 67.
8 - Alfred, Lord Tennyson. "In Memoriam, 54," lines 14-16 in Composition and Reading in World Literature, ed. by Jerome Bump (Austin: Jenn's, 2007), 250-251, p. 251.
Figure 2 - http://faculty.etsu.edu/kortumr/HUMT2320/earlymodern/htmdescriptionpages/thinker.htm
Figure 3 - http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1784704/replies?c=1
Figure 4 - http://studentconnection.byu.edu/index.cfm?thissection=5&thispage=1