Composing Myself
“Whether I shall turn out to be the hero
of my own life, or whether that station will be
held by anybody else, these pages must show.”
-Charles Dickens in David Copperfield
In our
lives, we compose many things: we carefully primp and pose to get the perfect
pictures; we focus on rhyme and connotation to choose each precious word in a
poem, or we compose a message to a friend. We compose to-do lists in our heads,
mentally crossing each item off as it gets done, or reshuffling to accommodate
procrastination; we compose a tune to hum as we walk, notes floating airily
inside our heads. But when, in all of this composing, do we ever stop to
compose ourselves? Why, when we can carefully compose every element of an
outfit – inspecting ourselves in the mirror, changing the shirt, the shoes, the
hair – why don’t we compose our character traits with the same meticulous
foresight? After all, composing the perfect outfit pales in comparison to
becoming the “you” that you’ve always wanted to be. To compose myself in this
way, I will build myself a skeleton of desirable traits that will support each
other to support me. Then, I will reinforce the skeleton with muscles –
concrete actions and plans – that will give the traits life and purpose.
Finally, my new self will be coated with skin, the way I want people to
perceive me in my future.
|
|
|
|
|
|
In this
manner, I can carefully compose my life in the same way that evolution and God
composed humanity. In Newman’s “Idea of a University,” he states that education
builds in students a “habit of mind … which lasts through life, of which the attributes
are, freedom, equitableness, calmness, moderation, and wisdom.”[1] These four traits (calmness and
moderation are combined for my purposes) are the characteristics I would like
to embody in my life, and they will serve well as my “skeleton” to support me
in whatever I do, whether I end up teaching or writing, in fashion or in
something completely different. This skeleton will grow from my education
here at UT as well as my life experiences. Realizing my newly composed self
will ultimately move me towards being a better leader in society and in
whatever field work I choose.
|
|
|
|
|
|
The first
bone forming my “skeleton” is that of freedom. Freedom is defined in the Oxford
English Dictionary as “The state of being able to act without hindrance or
restraint” or “liberty of action.”[2]
To me, freedom is always remembering that I have a choice in the direction my
life takes. In high school, the back of my letter jacket read “FREE YOUR MIND”
– a quote to remind myself and those around me that we don’t have to be
controlled by the society around us. A literary figure that embodies this
meaning of freedom is
|
|
|
|
|
|
The next
quality to build up my inner structure focuses more on my actions towards others:
equitableness. To be equitable is to remember not to judge others, and to treat
others as I would like to be treated. This trait is explained by Jesus through
the Gospel of John in his command to “love one another, as I have loved you.”[6] An action I am already taking to form the
muscle that will animate my skeleton is practicing equitableness through the
sympathetic imagination. As my hero William Shakespeare did, I try to
understand all of my fellow men and women, no matter how different from me they
seem to be. E. L. Doctorow notes that reading novels and the news allows us to
gain “an enlarged understanding of people we don’t usually think of looking
at.”[7]
By being able to sympathize with our fellow man, we will be slow to judge and
quick to forgive. This trait of fairness will serve me well in my home life and
in my profession and is the “skin” I want to project to others in the future.
If some day I do end up working in the fashion industry, equitableness will
serve me well. Being open to other ideas without prejudging their authors is
important for open communication and for innovation, which will ultimately
improve the content of my magazine, or my fashion line, with fresh ideas.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
An adage
already, Newman’s third quality of calmness and moderation is an excellent way
to continue building my skeleton. “All things in moderation,” the saying goes.
However, how many people truly follow this in their lives? Taking all things in
moderation as well as cultivating the inner peace to approach every problem
calmly is an incredibly wise way of life. The rampant disregard for this maxim
is especially apparent on a college campus, with students constantly either
partying so hard they pass out, or studying so hard they seem to miss out on
life. With calmness and moderation in my skeleton, I will have the strength to
resist extremes, as well as the inner fortifications against becoming easily
upset or angered. To animate this part of the skeleton, I will try not to spend
all of my time doing work, so that I can take time to enjoy my family and my
children and achieve a balance in my life. College is already giving me a lot
of practice for balancing my future: it has a vibrant social scene, but I am
also constantly being evaluated on my work. My future “skin” will show an
admirable and confident person – it’s hard to respect a workaholic, a party
girl, or someone who is quick to be offended or upset, but it’s easy to respect
a balanced but passionate person.
The final characteristic outlined by Newman is wisdom. I have always felt that the idea of wisdom was best explained by a prayer I have known most of my life: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”[8] These words perfectly describe why wisdom is part of my ideal self; wisdom is what grants happiness. Like the prayer says, the wise people find contentment in everything – they change what they can and accept what they can’t. This is particularly hard for me to do. If something is making me unhappy, it takes Herculean amounts of self control to accept it as a fact and not let it eat me up inside. This last element of my skeleton will build upon the traits of calmness and moderation, making it easier to be wise. However, I think that wisdom comes through experience, so the longer I live and the more I do, the wiser I will be. Education will be the muscles that empower my sense of wisdom. This is why my education is crucial – I learn so much here that I will use in life, both in the classroom and out. Being wise is an especially important quality in a leader, who should try to be calm and competent no matter what the situation. I hope to be the kind of leader whose “skin” reveals someone worthy of being asked for advice by my students or coworkers, and that I will use my wisdom and serenity to genuinely help others.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Supported
with a structure formed of the four traits of freedom, equitableness, moderation,
and wisdom, I believe I will be successful in all that I do. They create a
strong skeleton that will support my future, the shape of my actions, and the
way others see me. My dream is to be a role model and inspiration for students
and equals, as I have been inspired by so many in my own life. I want my
actions, words, and writing to prove the importance of these traits to the next
generation. Whether I am an English teacher, a fashion editor, a writer, or
something I haven’t even considered, I know that these characteristics will
help me to change the lives of others.
Pictures:
Haha
(A)-(C) from Elizabeth Wong
(D) http://utilitarianism.com/jesus-christ.jpg
(E) http://www.dumbaaldum.org/images/pic-sounds/letter-h/hand.jpg
Word count without quotes: 1,477
DB count: 3,893
[1] John Henry Newman, “The Idea of a University,” E603B Course Website, http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/~bump/E603B07/P4A.html.
[2] “Freedom,” http://dictionary.oed.com.
[3] Lewis
Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
(
[4] Ibid., 16.
[5] John Henry Newman, “The Idea of a University,” E603B Course Website, http://www.cwrl.utexas.edu/~bump/E603B07/P4A.html.
[6] “John
15:12” in Composition and
[7]
Betty Sue Flowers, in Composition and
[8] Reinhold Niebuhr, “Serenity Prayer,” http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html.