P4

The Importance of Family

A few days before writing this paper, Chetna and I sat down for coffee at Starbucks. Among other things, we asked each other the question: “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I had never given the question much thought. But as I searched myself, the answer was hard to find. I thought of my parents and the goals they have set for me: a GPA above 3.8, which would lead to grad school, which would lead to a healthy career and a stable financial situation. Lately, these goals have become my own, as I continue in my seemingly endless quest to keep grades at an ‘A.’ I then though about Bump’s class and all the leadership training we have been undergoing. We have spent every Tuesday and Thursday this semester discussing how to make ourselves strong compassionate leaders and role models. Bump emphasized the importance of these values, whether in the community or the entire world. In Project 3 I claimed that I look up to Malcolm X for his iron will and indestructible motivation. In Project 2 I demonstrated how I had a “passion for compassion” and the need to help others. But neither of those are my ultimate goal. What I want most in life is to settle down and have a family. I want a stable career and finances – not to feel accomplished – but to provide for my children and give them opportunities they deserve; likewise, I want to be a compassionate leader and role model so that my children will learn to make correct decisions.

Not long ago, I drove out to Bump’s ranch. I considered, as the writing prompt suggested me to, what was keeping it from being my “ideal place.” I found that there was nothing wrong with the place; the serenity of the animals on the open field brought me to a deeper sense of peace than I had felt in a long time. Why did I not decide to spend the rest of my life alongside Bob and Tex? Was nature not good enough for me? That day, I wrote that “perhaps it is not this place that has anything wrong with it, but rather the world around me, which has left me restless and worried about one thing after another.” At that point, it dawned on me that I do not need to accomplish the impossible to be satisfied with my life. It also came to me while at the cemetery that my biggest regret in a premature death would be missing out on fatherhood. I realized that my ideal place is “one in which I can play with my children and give them the opportunity to do what it is their hearts may desire.”

When I wrote my paper on Malcolm X, I admired his determination in giving his children the opportunities he never had. Indeed, he fought using his charisma so that one day, they could receive a thorough education that every human deserves. But his tremendous amount of effort was not without a cost. Not only was he too busy to spend time with his daughters and watch them grow, but he never had a salary or any sort of income to provide for his family. Although his love for his family fueled his battle, he could not afford a place for them to live after his house was burned down. Therefore, this makes it difficult for me to identify with him on the same level that I did when I wrote P3. I want to be the Malcolm X that found his passion and set his mind to achieving his goals; I want to be the Malcolm X that did not give up until he got what he wanted. However, his goals included an entire race of people – my goals include my family.

I may seem selfish to direct all of my actions towards my own gain. This train of thought conflicts with all that we focused on at the beginning of this semester. We read Ram Dass’ How Can I Help? and Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche’s Medicine & Compassion as guides to reaching out and giving a hand to the needy, whether physically or emotionally. Although I do subscribe to their points of view, I make a distinction between activism and personal compassion. Last year I felt that I could apply myself and reach out to anyone who needed it. It was not true. I stretched myself too thin and exhausted myself, failing to be the kind of compassionate person I had hoped to be. Indeed, Dass predicted that “a growing burden of personal responsibility leads to exhaustion and frustration.”[i] He understands that “at certain points – whether as the result of circumstance or the unexpected consequence of choice – helping out gets heavy.”[ii] Thus, if I expect myself to devote my time to my career and my children, where will I have room to help out? I would not be able to help the needy outside of my career, but perhaps it is possible to incorporate it within my career.

When I wrote P2, I argued that “what makes me most happy is succeeding in making others happy.” Somehow, I was wrong. If this is what made me happy, why am I in college? Why am I spending hours and hours of my life working towards making perfect grades when I could be in the Peace Corps? I am not in college for the purpose of discovering myself and helping others as much as I am here to work towards my career. Although I am not quite sure where I want to end up, I know that I will need near-flawless grades in order to get to where I want to be. So how could I juggle my need to help others with my need to advance myself? A career in medical research could affect more lives in than joining a non-profit organization. This way, I would be fulfilling my wish to “make others happy” meanwhile achieving the goal of raising and providing for my family. Effectively, I would be able to work and make money to support my family. At the same time, I would have the opportunity to make a difference in the world and affect the lives and families of many.

Regardless of what I wish to accomplish, family remains the most important aspect in my life. Latin American society is one of the most interdependent, as family members tend to strongly support one another. Until recently, my grandfather lived under the same roof as his great grandson; it is a rarity for family members to stay far away from each other. Similarly, my parents dreaded my leaving for college, despite the fact that I live only a few miles away from home. Naturally, these ideals were passed down to me. I expect to spend as much, if not more, time with my children as my father spent with me. I never really gave much thought to the possibility of having my own family until this year. Somehow, I sense that I have matured through the course of this last year. Whereas my actions in high school were aimed towards going to college – a rather short-term goal – I have now extended my goals beyond graduate school. I look forward to the stopping point in my life where I can settle down and watch my children grow.

This year, I discovered what lays at the end my path. When I revisited P3, I found that I could not model myself after Malcolm X. He fought so hard for his beliefs that he left his family with little after he died. We read Ram Dass and Chokyi Rinpoche in hopes that we would discover how to make ourselves into activists who offer a helping hand to those in need. Yet, with my need to excel academically, I do not have the time to reach out to the needy. In P2, I revealed that I had a passion for compassion, but I could not find the means to express it without exhausting myself. Regardless of which direction I face, I cannot find a way to be actively compassionate. Thus, the only way to satisfy my need to be compassionate would be to meld it with my career. My greatest priority is the raising of my own family; I will work as hard as I must to satisfy this goal. As I reach the end of my leadership vision – the conclusion to my first year in college – I return to Chetna’s question. She got me to look inside myself and search for the true answer. After having spent a few seconds, it came to me: “I want to be a father.” She told me that this should be the subject of my paper, if this is truly how I feel. I extend my thanks to Chetna for encouraging me to write this paper, for helping me find myself when I was in front of me this entire time.

DB word count: 1145

Word Count: 1503

Without Quotes:1475