Living a
Dream Life
"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of
my own life, or whether
that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."
– David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
Whether
we admit it or not, we all dream of being someone other than who we are. Though
the wish may be as simple as being blonde instead of brunette or as abstract as
becoming a “better” person, we yearn for evolution and transformation. However,
though we desire change, we often lack the energy, motivation, or knowledge to
bring it about. The unexpected inspirations for my own dream of being a
life-long learner, a genuine individual, and a more naturally helpful person
were many of the ideas we’ve encountered this semester made concrete in the
film “Stranger than Fiction.”
The film follows Harold Crick, a middle-aged IRS agent
living an overwhelmingly ordinary life. When he learns of his imminent death,
Harold takes back his life and begins to do the things he always dreamed of
doing. At first, Harold’s confrontation with death and resulting intense
motivation seemed so far removed from my own life that his predicament had
little 
impact
on me. However, a few lines of Tennyson’s “In Memoriam” made my own mortality
infinitely more real to me. After making clear Earth’s indifference toward the
survival of the other species, Tennyson asks if “he, shall he,/Man, her last
work…/Be blown about the desert dust,/Or sealed within the iron hills?”[1]
In spite of myriad differences that set us vibrantly apart from other
organisms, we are as much at the Earth’s mercy as the simplest bacteria. I was
shaken by this realization, understanding it more immediately than I ever had
before. Tennyson’s questioning ignited my desire to change, which became
something I could no longer continually put off, and helped spur me into
action.
In “Stranger than
Fiction,” I saw Harold follow a similar path and successfully pull distant
dreams down into concrete actions. I was energized by Harold’s modest, though
meaningful, metamorphosis: he is a role model for me because his transformation
is believable. The change does 
not
turn him into a superhero or bestow him with special abilities. Rather, he
begins and ends the movie living a normal life, albeit a much happier one.
Watching Harold make the transition and the concrete realization of my own
mortality has given me the boost to do the same for my own “dream life.” Where
Harold dreamed of learning to play the guitar, developing close friendships,
and sweeping a girl off her feet, I dream of learning continually, being the
most genuine person I can be, and becoming a warm, more naturally helpful
person.
The most important aspect of my “dream life” is the
constant pursuit of knowledge. The list of things I want to learn but have
never found time for is endless: learning how to play a musical instrument,
becoming fluent in a few languages, playing in a band, exploring the subject of
beauty, and understanding my fellow human beings are a few of many other
things. Additionally, the overwhelming feeling of flow that I experience when I
pursue this passion is enough to reassure me that it is worth doing. 
As
psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi explains, during flow “every action,
movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing
jazz.”[2]
I hope to use this feeling of flow to turn my college education, which
threatens to be a four year march of memorization, into a journey toward
understanding. I seek to deeply understand the subjects I encounter so that
each piece of new knowledge is meaningful and relevant, altering and adding to
my world view.
I strive not only to understand the world around me, but to understand myself as well. I want my inner and outer selves to be synonymous, my goals and dreams uncompromised by the fear of being judged or my own lack of confidence. I want to be genuine. To do this, I must completely understand my personality and be comfortable with the strengths, weaknesses, and quirks I find. I must become confident in my words and actions, and be in harmony with my emotions. Accomplishing this will in turn help me pursue my life goals. If I understand and stay true to myself, my interests, values, and priorities will be much clearer to me, and I will have the confidence and patience to pursue them.
I have already become much more familiar with myself during my time here at the University. Without friends and family on which to rest my identity, being challenged in my opinions, and being made to repeatedly reconsider my perspective, I have been forced to get to know myself. No longer a product purely of my circumstances, my identity has been placed in my own hands. This has helped me begin to transcend my current roles and gain a more flexible perspective of the world. I am more comfortable moving away from my old self-definition now that I’ve realized I can take the bumps and challenges without worrying about harming my sense of self. As a result, I am free to consider contradictory or unfamiliar perspectives. I know that gradually becoming a truer representation of my inner self and the confidence and knowledge I will gain will better enable me to pursue my chosen goals.
The last aspect of myself that I would like to develop,
and that I think will result from following my passion and becoming a genuine
individual, is to become a more caring and naturally helpful person. Helping
others, like 
understanding,
is another very meaningful area of my life. On the one hand, I have never found
volunteering through service organizations like the National Honor Society to
be particularly meaningful – those you are helping are so far removed that it
is difficult to gauge the impact, if any, of your actions. To me, the most
meaningful help I give is to those around me. Whether it is something as simple
as holding a door or listening to the worries of a friend, I feel the most
useful when I am directly involved in the problem solving. Yet helping others
does not flow effortlessly for me. I am sometimes so caught up in my own
thoughts that I let the door slam on the person behind me, or I cannot find the
right words to comfort a friend. It pains me when I feel that I am not able to
be helpful enough. However, I think
that pursuing my first two life goals will help me immensely in my hopes of
becoming naturally helpful. As Dass explains, “to be of most service to others
we must face our own doubts, needs, and resistances.”[3]
In a sense, before we can show compassion towards others, we must be able to
“practice compassion for ourselves.”[4]
By being comfortable with and true to myself, I know it will be easier for me
to be comfortable around others.
On my pilgrimage during my first year at the University, I have discovered many truths. Some have been about Biology, Logic, Literature, and many of my other classes. I have learned about my fellow students, become familiar with the campus community, and gotten a taste of life closer to the “real world.” Yet the most important truths I have uncovered are those truths about myself. But my context this past year has been important. I could not have gained such a self-knowledge without being thrown into this new set of unfamiliar circumstances. The shaping experiences and realizations I’ve had help here me to orient my inner compass and point me in the direction of the life I want to live.
Word Count without Quotes: 1,197
DBR Word Count: 3,031
Picture Sources
1. Stranger than Fiction - http://www.impawards.com/2006/stranger_than_fiction.html
1. Fossil - http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/megaflood/images/quiz-fossil-l.jpg
2. Superman - http://www.ai.mit.edu/lab/olympics/99/cover/superman.gif
3. The Thinker - http://www.bioteams.com/images/collaborative_t.jpg
4. Flash cards - http://www.homeroomteacher.com/images/flashcards.jpg
5. Helping - http://www.change.net/fotos/IMSIhelping72dpi.jpg