Prianka Singapura

Battle in Sudan

“Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.” –Charles Dickens

As I sew up my patient’s leg, I hear the clangs of the machine guns as shrapnel falls to the muddy ground. My whole body is in a rush and frenzy- except my hands. My hands have to stay steady. I can not let them tremble with the fright I am experiencing. I have been working in the hospital for forty-two consecutive hours, yet it feels like I have not had a spare moment to blink. I am in Western Sudan and a rebel battalion is attacking the city. As the government troops try to fight them off, innocent people fall to their deaths. After the fighting subsides and we have done all we can to help the victims, I sit down on a chair in a corner of the hospital. I put my face in my hands and am finally able to shed tears for these innocent victims. I must remind myself why I joined Doctors Without Borders/ Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF). By bringing hope and compassion to those in a humanitarian crisis, I hope to revive trust between people as I pursue this ambitious leadership vision.

Sudanese Hospital[1]

Before joining MSF I was an undergraduate student at the University of Texas, struggling to choose a career path. I started out as a Plan II and Business Honors major, while also taking pre-med courses. As I came to the end of my freshman year, it became painstakingly clear to me that I had to choose only one academic path. The Business Honors Program was probably the more distinguished program; however, I realized that if I chose a business profession, I would be in constant competition with my colleagues and would be dealing with paper more than people. I finally grasped that what I wanted to do with my life was be a healer to people. With this decision to pursue a Plan II degree and complete the prerequisites for medical school, I continued my undergraduate career. After attending medical school and completing my residency at the MD Anderson Center in Houston, I was presented with the opportunity to join MSF. I seized this chance, knowing that I might never be able to do something like this in the future.

I decided to join MSF because it became apparent to me how I lost sight of my compassion, which drove me to pursue a medical career in the first place. For eight years of higher education, I thought only of myself. How I would do on my next exam, how I would need to get more sleep, how I wanted to go about establishing myself. The only person I had thought about helping during this time was me. Suddenly, I found myself concerned with what my starting income would be, and not concerned with the impact I would be making in others’ lives. I felt like I had lost sight of why I wanted to become a doctor: to be a healer of others, “someone who can save [the ill] and nurture them back to health.”[2] MSF would be an opportunity for me to realize my strong desire to alleviate the suffering of others and to be a humanitarian.

I find that MSF is a great medium that I can use to express this message of compassion. MSF is “an independent international medical humanitarian organization that delivers emergency aid to people affected by armed conflict, epidemics, natural or man-made disasters, or exclusion from health care in more than 70 countries”.[3]

Our Mission[4]

MSF does not get involved with political issues or hostile governments when deciding to help a group of people; they simply see people in need and go there. Their mission is “to alleviate the concrete conditions of human affliction”[5], if only for just one person.

My parents instilled in me this spirit of humanism from childhood. My brothers and I were always encouraged to donate our Christmas presents, volunteer to serve Thanksgiving dinner, and lend a hand without being asked.

My Heroes[6]

My parents’ philosophy was similar to Isaiah 41:06 “They helped every one his neighbour; and every one said to his brother, Be of good courage.”[7] My parents’ immigration and subsequent need to become established in this foreign country instilled in them an appreciation for hard work, a value they have passed to me and my siblings through actively involving us in their volunteerism.” My brothers and I experienced privileges from birth, but our parents wanted us to know that things did not have to be that way. They wanted us to see how much we had and how little others had so that we would be inspired to make something of ourselves and then give back. Because of my parents, “an essential quality of [my] being” is caring for others.[8]

Children in need[9]

I watched my parents dedicate their time to volunteerism, especially my mother, which is why they serve as my role models. Just as I try to emulate them, I one day hope to be the role model of my children. I hope that my children, whether they are privileged in wealth or not, know the value of helping others. This is the legacy that I want to pass on. Compassion can be the most valuable trait we possess. This emotion must be cultivated and that is what I am doing in MSF and what I want my children to experience.

In Sudan, I find my compassion growing everyday. I am faced with people in worse conditions than I ever saw in medical school. Even more terrifying than their physical condition is that these patients do not expect any help. They have been deceived their whole lives, so they have no reason to believe that I can actually help them. They do not look at me with everlasting hope like patients in Houston hospitals, who have all confidence in their health care. My Sudanese patients try to have hope, but “the hope is countered with a great deal of fear that nothing can be done.”[10]

Hopeful[11]

The hostility in their eyes is rooted in the continuous harshness of their lives. They have been hurt by everyone and everything- their government, foreigners, even their own people. They fight to have any trust at all in my colleagues and me. But when we are finally able to break through their hostile exteriors they express gratitude greater than I have ever experienced. When this happens, I can see how my efforts are making an impact, even if just on one person. With just one, all my time will be worth the effort. I know that I am spreading “a message of love, of Ahimsa, of selfless service”.[12]

Doctors Needed[13]

As I begin at five in the morning, I know that I have a thirty-hour day in front of me. However, instead of feeling the exhaustion and hopelessness that I felt yesterday, I feel optimistic that today will bring less turmoil than yesterday. I am rejuvenated with hope because of one my Sudanese patients that I treated yesterday. Her name is Wajma and she is only three years old. She was injured yesterday during the fighting when a shard of glass was wedged into her right shoulder. After removing the glass and sewing up her wound, she looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes and wrapped her tiny hand around my finger. She has not yet been so affected by her environment to be as hostile as those around her. When I look at her, I am overwhelmed with sorrow, compassion, and love. My hope is that I inspire her to have Trust.

Fear to Trust[14]

Word Count: 1,330 words

Word Count without quotes: 1,218 words

DB word count: 3,754