1. Mary-
Great ties back to first semester; way to hammer those thoughts! Here are a few things to think about when editing:
-As has already been mentioned, the one thing really detracting from the strength of this paper is the lack of personal response. Can you tie Gaudi back into your passion, or at least explain how some of his characteristics/goals inspire you.
-I think we get a little too much background info in some paragraphs. For example, the paragraph ¿Gaudi was awed by nature throughout his entire life¿¿ doesn¿t seem to relate much to Gaudi as a leader, or even as a leader among artists. Do we really need to know all this?
-Also be careful of restating what¿s already been said. I noticed this most in your first paragraph. For example, your second and third quotes seem to be saying basically the same thing. Maybe try to condense that paragraph.
-Sentence: ¿Because of his prominent mark on the world, architect Antoni Gaudí can be considered heroic.¿
There is nothing really grammatically wrong with this sentence, it just struck me as I was reading it that it seemed to contradict/ detract from what you had just said, which was that Gaudi was a leader-artist because he successfully brought truth through his works (not emphasizing the number of works he created, or anything like that)
Revision: Because he successfully communicated a message of truth through his art, architect Antoni Gaudi can be considered heroic.¿

2. Prianka-
Really nice job. I like how you tied in your role model to your life today and how she encourages you. It¿s really neat that you have a personal relationship with your role model that you can talk about! A couple suggestions:
-The only part I would consider cutting would be the part about your mom¿s sister. It seems unnecessary to the theme of feminism and activism that pervades the rest of your paper.
-Sentence: ¿Her intentions were to go spend time with her husband, who was leading a project for his engineering company.¿
Lot of passive verbs, could be juiced up a bit.
Revision: She intended merely to accompany her husband on a relaxing business trip.

3. Mauro-
I never knew about this compassionate side of Malcolm X, and I am glad you brought this to light to share with all of us! I have a few ideas about things like organization that might help put some more structure and flow into this great topic:
-In your paragraph starting ¿In a meeting he had with Gordon Parks¿¿ you go more into detail about a specific character trait that you admire about Malcolm X and why. This, I think, is the real meat of this paper, and I would love to see the entire essay structured around more of this commentary and interaction from you (which, right now, you leave until just the very end ¿ but we want more!) So a possible idea would be to organize your paper into paragraphs that each deal with a specific trait and include related events/aspects of his life as well as your own feelings/similar aspirations about that, rather than the purely chronological/biographical method you seem to be using now.
-I almost felt like you gave too much away in your intro paragraph. Your sentence ¿However, at the time of his death he was neither of these¿ is a major statement about Malcolm X¿s character (although before that it seemed like you mentioned three things people thought he was), and the rest of your paper will be devoted to exploring that, so I don¿t think you need the following few sentences about him being Elijah¿s peon, and his imprisonment, and his ties to MLK, at least not this soon in the paper. The more concise the intro, the better, so that we can get to your thesis and know exactly what your argument is!
-One more thing about the intro: it seems to me like ¿Malcolm X is the perfect image of a man who¿.¿ is your thesis, so I was a little confused about the sentence that followed it. I would suggest moving the last sentence of the intro to the next paragraph, where you talk more about his struggles growing up, and perhaps add to it something positive, like ¿¿he made many enemies, however he persevered and remained strong throughout all struggles.¿ Or something like that.
-Sentence: ¿He eventually rose to the attention of the man, and became one of the top ministers, preaching for the separation of the Black race from the white.¿
Honestly, I thought by ¿the man¿ you meant the police at first. A little bit of changing can change that easy.
Revision: ¿He eventually gained the attention of Muhammed himself, and became one of the top ministers in the movement, preaching for the separation of the black race from the white.¿

4. Emily-
-You have some really good examples of how your grandfather exhibited integrity, such as his determination to support his wife, his hard work in his career, and his desire of learning more about his hobby and passion outside of work; the only paragraph that does not seem to fit within this theme right now is the one about you spending time with him when you were young. This could probably be cut and substituted with a different example of how your grandfather showed integrity, or perhaps with some more insights about how his example has helped inspire you in your life today.
-Sentence: ¿Integrity is the ultimate heroic trait and those that are deserving of this title are truly exemplars to the world.¿
¿This title¿ doesn¿t have a noun that it really goes with. I know you mean the title ¿hero,¿ but you have not said ¿hero¿ yet, so we don¿t know what title you¿re referring to.
Revision: ¿Integrity is the ultimate heroic trait, and those that are deserving of the title ¿hero¿ are truly exemplars to the world.¿

5. Ashley-
I never knew all of that about George Harrison! I very much enjoyed seeing this alternate side of a very popular figure. A few things I noticed while reading:
-Besides one sentence in your intro, you never talk about how your role model relates to you and your passion. There¿s a lot of room to grow in this area, and I would take full advantage of it! (Since I¿m sure our revisions will have to include a few hundred more words¿)
-Others have already noted that there might be a bit too much background info, but I just wanted to point out a particular spot. You go into great detail about the motivation behind UNICEF and the situation in Bangladesh. It would probably be enough to just briefly mention Bangladesh and the situation there, since the real point is how Harrison chose to use his music for the higher purpose of helping a country in need.
-Sentence: ¿While these four young men¿John, Paul, George, and Ringo were blinded by the light of fame and the responsibility of celebrity, one man stood out among the rest.¿
I understand what you meant, but when you read this sentence, it sounds as if this one man (George) was someone separate from the Beatles, and ¿stood out among the rest¿ is kind of confusing because we don¿t know who ¿the rest¿ is.
Revision: ¿While John, Paul, and Ringo became blinded by the light of fame and the glamour of celebrity status, George Harrison of the Beatles remained grounded in his beliefs and morals.¿

6. Megan-
You do a really good job of talking about both Mother Theresa as a role model and the qualities that we can all try to exhibit in our own life to emulate her. A few suggestions, though:
-Your intro section seemed really long and drawn out. I would cut some out here, and move some of it to a later section in the paper. Right now it takes something like two pages in order to find out that your role model is Mother Theresa (excluding the beginning quote).
-Sentence: ¿Why are we afraid of doing something great? The truth is, we are afraid ¿ afraid to be seen, afraid to stand out.¿
When you say, ¿The truth is¿¿ it sounds like you¿re going to answer the question in the previous sentence, but you really just restate it by talking about how we¿re afraid. So I would kind of combine the two.
Revision: ¿The truth is we are afraid of doing these great things because it means we will stand out.¿

7. Alex-
A very unique role model to choose, which made for an interesting read. Just a couple things I noticed while reading through:
-Your paper talks a lot about the PostSecret project, and not as much about the man behind it. I would maybe cut some of the details about the project and instead focus on what qualities in Warren make him a hero (you go into this some, but we could use more!)
-Also, it felt like a couple of the paragraphs were simply reiterating the same thing over and over again. I think it¿s paragraphs 3, 4, and 5, in particular, that all talked about how the postcards inspire empathy, in a nutshell. Perhaps combine/condense some of these and focus on some new areas instead.
-Sentence: ¿His small project that began in November of 2004 finds him today with his blog currently ranked 11 out of a top 100 of all of the blogs that exist online, in the process of publishing and distributing his third book, and receiving thousands of pieces of mail from people across the country on a weekly basis.¿
It¿s so lengthy, and the long phrases within the sentence kind of make the reader lost. I would try to simplify this somehow so the reader gets the picture quicker.
Revision: ¿His small project started in November of 2004 and today includes an enormously popular blog, multiple published books, and a continuous stream of mail from across the country.¿

8. Trevor-
I am definitely a fan of Ellen, myself, and I really enjoyed reading more about her in your paper! A few things to think about:
-You made the argument that Gandhi and some others were poor role models because they did things very few people could hope to do, while Ellen was a great role model for just being herself. I would be very wary about saying this, just because it could be argued back that Ellen shouldn¿t be considered a good role model because she also did things very few of us could hope to accomplish (¿top of her industry¿ and ¿foremost female entertainer¿ pop out at me), or that Gandhi and them should be considered role models because they were true to their inner ideals and values, like Ellen was.
-Noticed a few typos (like ¿charkas¿ instead of ¿chakras¿) that you can easily fix by just reading over carefully.
-I enjoyed all the quotes from Ellen you used, but I think it would help the overall flow of the paper if you could integrate more of them into your own sentences, rather than keeping them all separate and on their own.
-It seemed like you were restating the intro paragraph a few times throughout the paper (like the second paragraph sentence ¿¿what makes her a hero and my role model is her uncompromising devotion to being true to her self¿), mainly because you use the phrase ¿true to herself¿ many times. Are there some other qualities you could detail about Ellen, and then cut some of this other stuff? Perhaps go more into how Ellen¿s example is really inspiring you in your own life, or how you want to develop some of her same qualities, etc.
-Sentence: ¿A true role model is a person whose life can serve as an example of how to live.¿
It seemed a bit redundant using ¿life¿ and ¿live¿ in the same sentence. Also, ¿can serve¿ is kind of a weak verb. Be stronger!
Revision: ¿A true role model is a person whose life serves as an example we desire to emulate.¿

9. Liz-
I would say that you are well on your way to your goal of becoming a great writer! I thought your paper was very well organized, and there was not a lot of wordiness to be found (you make our job hard!). I appreciated your conciseness, and remained engaged throughout the entire paper! Just a couple things I could find to comment on:
-In the paragraph that starts ¿Shakespeare is a veritable god¿¿ I noticed a few typos that weren¿t bad enough to use as correction sentences, so just read through and fix those up
-The one place I felt like the paper strayed from the original topic a bit was when you went into more detail about Ahimsa. I love how you tied it back to Shakespeare and his talent for empathizing/connecting with the human soul, however I felt like there was a little too much detail given before this was all tied back in, so as I reader I felt a little confused; the part about Himsa, especially, struck me as not quite necessary to your argument. If this is an important element, then I would just suggest relating it back to Shakespeare and/or your own writing/life sooner in the paper.
-Sentence: ¿By practicing Ahimsa, or non-injury, we work towards never thinking ill of others and working towards a feeling of complete unity with others.¿
There seems to be some verb disagreement with ¿we work towards¿ and ¿working towards¿
Revision: ¿By practicing Ahimsa, or non-injury, we strive to eliminate any negative thoughts towards others and to work towards a feeling of complete unity with others.¿