Focus

-Thesis: I know that no matter what organizations I get involved in or what job I take, if I am developing a "cultivated mind…guided and controlled by virtue," then I can be successful in all of them. I can be enough.
-thesis is a little far from the beginning, so might be hard for reader to focus in on as thesis
-paragraphs after thesis do a pretty good job of expanding on thesis/staying on topic
-conclusion reiterates the thesis, and sums up well
-quotes are on topic, but the connections could be a bit clearer for some of them

Organization

-Intro paragraphs' length could be a bit of a problem, but the other paragraphs are clearly organized by topic, with evident transitions between them
-logical order of sequence, following the thesis

Flow

-transitions used
-importance of faith might seem randomly inserted in places, rather than being a smooth constant throughout
-passive voice used a bit much
-word choice not always ideal, though satisfactory (readable, no huge bumps)