HRC writing

"There the balls do not always go for the cloth because the bullfighters are learning before your eyes the rules of bullfighting. [and they do not always remember or know how to keep the bull after the cloth lure and away from the man]"

His revisions:
He added a bunch because he probably had a word limit he had to meet.
He elaborates in order to emphasize the inexperience of the bullfighters and to give a more visual image in the reader's mind.
Perhaps he is also trying to create a mirror image between the repetitive and tedious bullfighting and the sentence structure. He uses no punctuation and makes the sentence even longer in his edits, making the sentence itself more repetitive and tedious.

Our revisions:
There the bulls do not always go for the cloth because the bullfighters themselves are learning before your eyes the techniques of their art and they do not always know how to keep the bull away form the man and after the cloth as they participate in this dangerous dance.

Campfire (Green ball) Group