Amanda Eval2

Focus:

Great job improving your paper, it reads very well now and I have extremely little to criticize. You stay on topic, and for the most part your wording is concise but effective. I have to once again reproach you on the use of Switchfoot songs, I know it’s a colloquial paper but backing them up by immediately following with a more accredited quote would make your point more insightful and intellectual. I am confident there are more relevant quotes in our reading over the past year that deal with the theme of being “enough.” Overall, great job, very few further revisions are necessary in my opinion.

-excellent

Organization:

Great use of pictures, a few more would really enhance the paper. Maybe some that illustrate the cultivated mind or guiding virtue you talk about. You use metaphors, like the blooming flower, to tie them in if you can’t find a specific picture. The paper proceeds in a logical order, each paragraph feeding into the next. Help us visualize how you will become “enough,” beyond occupational metaphors. The flower was a great analogy, more of that type would strengthen your point.

-good

Flow:

I didn’t find any major punctuation errors in your paper. To be a stickler, you use a lot of (-) as a transitional device, which is fine. The correct usage though is to put two hyphens together, they automatically form one longer one, without spaces between the words. Also, when using (…) you should space in between each period (. . .). Along that line, in the quote “He hath no form nor comliness;. . .he is despised and rejected of men,” you can delete the semicolon. These are all extremely minor changes, but if you want perfect punctuation they are necessary.

-very good